Self Sabotage?

You all know how much I struggle. I thought I decided to be content with my weight and just live and stop obsessing. Since I declared myself in 'maintenance' mode, Ive been slacking in the food department. I will have plastics eventually, hoping for early next year but will have to see about finances.

I know in the past I have been successful with an extremely low carb diet. DIET. I wanted surgery so I didnt have to fight the D word again.

I was just thinking to myself, I could give the low carb a try again. But, I enjoy my fruit, couscous, quinoa... The thought of eating eggs and salads again, every friggin day, just doesnt appeal to me.

Am I sabotaging myself, knowing I have a plan that could possibly help me lose 20 lbs? I know as soon as I deviate from the low carb eating plan that it can come right back on.

Ugh. I hate the struggle.

I feel your pain.  I like where I am right now - size (weight - I could lose 10 lbs) but to be able to maintain - I need to do low carb ALL THE TIME. Not only low carb - but also 6-7 meals a day - and I need to make sure that it is very balanced - lots of dense proteins, low sugar and non-starchy veggies at every meal.  I can do meal proteins only - but not veggies only. Fruits - most days I can do 1 servings,,, 2 if I work out.
I also wish I knew that to be able to maintain I would need to do that...
At least now I know... and I am sure if I eat carbs - I would gain weight... so I don't do that too much.

Mary,

1st off want to say love your new pic

Opened your post and thought, this could be me...Been OK with how my clothes are fitting for a while but am still NOT happy about the number reflected on my scale...Mentally, I AM still very tied up in "the number", usually I can talk myself down off the limb and continue to feel I have made a success because I still am OK with how my clothes feel...BUT still I continue to pick at myself & think I'm being too lax, that letting things go on as they are will continue to lead me down the garden path to getting fat again, I allow so many things into my food day that my mental self says cannot be right to eat all the time and stay thin...It is ALL such a head game for me & I think constantly that I'm really not winning (how can I be when the number is 15lbs more than my very pleased with myself low of 125lbs, even though I know that my original goal of 138 was & is a more reasonable place to be at 46 yrs old & healthy)...

I have no answers just the regular niggling feeling that this is just what my struggle is going to continue being for eternity...

Funny How we get so fixated on losing weight we forget to just enjoy the new freedom we have gained in losing so much weight.
There is no winning or losing we are just living.
For me I am working on living  a life that makes me want to keep doing more.
I do not want to spend all my time fixated on what I am eating and if I did enough exercise.
I need to get off the mental whirl wind of thought and put more action into enjoying life.