Gaining and afraid...

 Hello all.  This is the first time i am posting here but read all of u often.  I hope i am doing this correctly.  Must warn u that this is somewhat long.  Had VSG 3/21/08.

Last December...12/10/11 to be exact, i was diagnosed with Stage III Invasive Carcinoma of the Right breast.  When the doc said that, i was in a fog.  Luckily, my husband was with me so he heard and ABSORED all of what the doc was saying.   This kind of breast cancer is a little different than what u usually hear about.  I had NO small lump...pea sized. etc.  I was taking a shower, looked down and noticed that my breasts looked different.  Also, felt the R breast and it was very hard.  Came out of the shower, asked my husband to look, then asked him what he saw.  He, too, saw a difference in my breasts and touched them and felt the R one.  It was very hard.  Okay, so not all in my head.  Called my doctor the next morning, got squeezed in and had my appointment.   He was concerned and immediately sent me for a mammography and a sonogram.  Usually, when u have a mammogram, they take a moment or two to read them, give u a sheet of paper that says all is okay (which had been happening for years) and off u go home.  Well, time passed and i knew that was not a good sign.  The radiologist came into the room and i asked him to wait until my husband could come in too.  He did so and then told us that results of the mamogram and sonogram were very wrong (or words to that affect).  Off i was sent to a breast surgeon who examined me and told me that i had a very large tumor and the reason i couldn't feel it before was because it was a different kind of tumor that just SUDDENLY appears.  Had a core biosy and was told i had Breast Cancer but just to be sure, needed an MRI of my breasts.  Off i went for that and result showed a 6cm. tumor which put me at Stage III cancer.  Tumor was cancerous.  I needed a mastectomy.

Was sent to and oncologist who devised a treatment plan (let me say that my treatment team was extraordinary and i was very lucky to have these doctors) and put me on chemotherapy immediately.  Why chemo first?  Because tumor was so large that they had to try to shrink it so breast surgeon would have enough room to get "clean margins" (remove all cancerous cells possible) when i had mastectomy (opted for double mastectomy because was too afraid that this could happen again) and then radiation.  Had 6 mths. of chemo followed by mastectomies, followed by 30 radiations treatments.  But, it all worked...I am officially  survivor.

Now what does this all have to do with saying on track weight-wise, u ask?  Well first, my chemo had side effects...it made me GAIN weight.  Had other side effects from chemo but not necessary to go into that now.  I gained about 15-20 pounds.  Much of that ws water retention and had to be put on other meds to try to counteract that.  It worked somewhat but not all together.  I was hungry all the time (no doubt, much of it in my head).  Wanted sweets....like candy...all the time to get rid of the taste in my mouth.  Again, bad for trying to maintain weight.  

Oh wait, must tell u that in March ...March 21, 2012 i will be 4 years out from VSG and had done very well.

Had surgery, had radiation and eating like crazy.  Now, i am on a pill that i must take for 5 years as a prophylacsis to try to make sure cancer doesn't return (even though they say they got all of it).  These meds do same thing....make me hungry and want sweets and make me retain water.  I am so thankful that i am a cancer survivor but i am so unhappy with my weight.  Clothes don't fit me me.  I want to cry.  I know it sounds crazy...what does one concentrate on...living but being heavier or trying to get back to weight before all oft this crazyness and perhaps risk cancer again?  And, no GAURENTEE that cancer won't come back even taking the meds for 5 years. 

Have one more surgery to go through and that is my reconstruction.  That is 3 - 6 months away.  Must dmit hat i had started eating off track before all of this happened so i can't blame it all on cancer.  But, the cancer didn't help, for sure!  So, i have an excuse but NEED to get back to some semblance of normalcy (normalcy for VSG doing fairly well).  Need comments, suggestins, and i know i must have health as first priority but please...l so want...NEED...help getting BOT.  Thank u.

 First of all, let me tell you that you are my hero to have gone through everything that you have gone through and still look for answers for your weight gain.  I am not sure that I would be that person and I commend you for that.  As for the 20 lb. gain, you probably need to get the sugar back out of your system and really try to bulk up on the protein and good carbs and grains.  Christmas night, I did pretty well eating until the desserts made their appearance.  I went a little overboard and paid the price the next day by spending it on the porcelain throne.  So much for my day off, but I spent yesterday getting the sugar out of my system with mostly protein rich diet all day.  This morning, I was down 2 lbs.  One that I had gain and another one that I lost.  I truly believe that controlling you sugar intake and balancing it out with protein is the key to my success.  I do exercise everyday, walking, and I can see a much better body with less saggy skin the second time around than I had the first time I lost all of my weight without exercise.

If I can help you in anyway, just let me know and I will be glad to share with you any of my first hand experiences on getting back on track.  Take care.

first of all... i agree with tess... you ARE amazing.  and i know you don't want to be put on a pedestal but with everything you're dealing with and STILL want to stay on target IS momumental for me!!  because of the holidays you may not get an answer back right away from your post but just want you to know i echo what tess is saying.  SUGAR out, PROTEIN in... getting the sugar out will clean out you're body for sure... not to scare you, but one time a doctor told me that cancer is attracted to sugar.  so, get it out of your system!!! 

also, exercise not only helps you physically, but mentally and emotionally.  dealing with stress won't help cancer either.  again, i was told that stress manifests itself in physical ailments.  so, exercise will take a lot of the stress off you.  my heart and prayers go out to you for a HEALTHY 2012 and beyond.  take care of yourself and love your family and friends.  go to church, seek the REAL PHYSICIAN. He will help you with all aspects of your life.                                                           



kay

 Thank you both for ur helpful suggestions.  Am trying to "desugar"myself but as u know, it's very hard to do with the holidays.  However, they r now over (with the exception of New Years Eve) and so they cannot be used as an excuse anymore.  I appreceiate ur kind words but i am not one to be held up as a model or ideal for anyone.  I guesss i just did what i had to do (medically).  What were my choices???

I feel that the journey to weight loss and maintainance were/r so difficult and important that it's not something i want to let slip by.  Every time i put on a pair of jeans now, they r tight.  I hate that feeling.  I want...no i NEED to feel good about me now...all of me...parts missing and parts remaining and don't need something to make me feel badly.  I am not a religious person (practicing) but i believe in some infinite power and wonder why me?  There, of course, is no answer to that question so i must concentrate on what i do have control of.  I have..or have had...and will again have control over what i eat.  Again, thank u.

I guess I am a lurker, too. I read BOTT almost everyday and recieve a lot of encouragement from it. I have to say to you, I am just so glad you are here and healthy and have the hope of a new year. The hope we all share of getting on track and staying there. If you could just know my regain since GBP it's sad enough to make a grown man cry their eyes out. I haven't had the obstacles you've so bravely faced. Oh girl, you have hope, we have hope. I am going to heed the desugar advice. Right now, I have two bags of left-over chocolate chips an
d butterscotch chips, that were meant for christmas cookies, in my night-standing, my plans were to munch on them while reading tonight. WHO am I trying to fool? The excess pounds/fat is there for all the world to see. I am putting them in the trash, hopefully they will stay in there. Hope to get to know you all better, I need ya.

 Kathy, 

Getting rid of...throwing away...all foods that r "dangerous" for me is something i HAD to do.  I cannot have them in the house and NOT eat them.  That would be like an alcoholic having a glass of gin sitting on her night stand JUST to test her will power. Impossible.  

I think each step we take, no matter how big or little we feel it is, is another step towars getting BOT.  Clearing the house of foods, clearing our minds (to whatever extent) of reasons/thoughts that have/do get us into trouble, clearing our path to retun to the one we were on when all was "working" well for us is what is needed.  I can easily say these things but they r so hard to actually do.  Perhaps (and i think this is true) with everyone's help here, we can do it again.  Thank u for responding.

Susan it is definatly doable it may take longer than the first time around but you can do this... You have already shown amazing strength to be here posting this..

Having been a cancer survivor and the strength it takes to fight on and face all the treatments and fears, this is just another hurdle for you to leap over..

I had gained over 25lbs earlier this year and got back to goal.. and now jump between two and three pounds from my lowest... so as of tomorrow i will be foccussing on really getting back to that lowest to give me more wiggle room.

But i just wanted to let you know that 20lbs although it seems like a huge task can be done, ill be lurking and cheering you on in the process...

good luck and happy new year

I truly believe that everything, both good and bad, happens for a reason.  We may not always understand what or why things happen, but I believe God always has our best interest at heart. 

Cancer is definitely a justifiable excuse for gaining weight, but I know from experience, that having someone tell you that it's understandle why you've gained weight after tradgedies, doesn't make your clothes fit any better, or make you feel any healthier.  Extra weight is extra weight. 

My mother is a breast cancer survivor...her 5 yr. meds were finished in August.  She's doing great and I know you will continue to do great as well.  Attitude is 90% of recovery. 

Your beginning a new chapter in your life.  A healthy chapter.  Focus on the future. Food is only a part of losing weight.  Learn new things, experience new adventures.  Try new activities that will not only help you lose weight but enrich your life in other ways as well. 

Keep us posted!!  You CAN Achieve your GOALS!

 Thank u both, Mini and Cindi for ur responses.  Yes, this is s new chapter in my life, for sure.  And yes, i need to take care of me in many ways...diet, exercise (which has always been sommething i neglected) and others areas, as well.  Mini, i think ur point about it may taking longer or be slower this time (although it's only 20 lbs as opposed to the 100 lbs i originally started at) but i know i must be patient and gentle with myself.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Cindi, thank u for reminding me that it is not just what i put into my mouth that counts but all things i do r "counted in".  I tend to be a "Type A" personality (or so my husband tells me) so i always expect the unachievable from me (in terms of time, perfection, etc).  I don't think i'm Type A, i just want to be perfect...LOL.