BOTT 911 - Monday

Giggle instead of gobble:


WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

 

 

 

               After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her

 

   trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and

 

   preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most

 

   women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following

 

   letter from the local Target.

 

 

 

   Dear Mrs. Samuel,

 

 

 

               Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a

 

   commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been

 

   forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your

 

   husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video

 

   surveillance cameras:

 

 

 

   1.    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in

 

other

 

   people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

   2.    July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off

 

at

 

   5-minute intervals.

 

   3.    July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor

 

leading to the

 

   women's restroom.

 

   4.    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an

 

official voice,

 

   Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to

 

   leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that

 

   in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and

 

   costing the company money.

 

   5.    August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag

 

of M&Ms on

 

   layaway.

 

   6.    August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a

 

carpeted area.

 

   7.    August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and

 

told the

 

   children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and

 

   blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

 

   8.    August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he

 

began crying

 

   and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? EMTs were called.

 

   9.    September 4: Looked right into the security camera and

 

used it as a

 

   mirror while he picked his nose.

 

   10.    September 10: While handling guns in the hunting

 

department, he

 

   asked the clerk where the antidepressants were?

 

   11.    October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while

 

loudly humming

 

   the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

   12.    October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his

 

Madonna look by

 

   using different sizes of funnels.

 

   13.    October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people

 

browsed through,

 

   yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME"

 

   14.    October 21: When an announcement came over the loud

 

speaker, he

 

   assumed a fetal position and screamed. "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

 

 

 

   And last, but not least:

 

 

 

   15.    October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,

 

waited awhile,

 

   and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"  One of

 

   the clerks passed out.

 

 

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

 

 

 

               After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her

 

   trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and

 

   preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most

 

   women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following

 

   letter from the local Target.

 

 

 

   Dear Mrs. Samuel,

 

 

 

               Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a

 

   commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been

 

   forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your

 

   husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video

 

   surveillance cameras:

 

 

 

   1.    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in

 

other

 

   people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

   2.    July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off

 

at

 

   5-minute intervals.

 

   3.    July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor

 

leading to the

 

   women's restroom.

 

   4.    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an

 

official voice,

 

   Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to

 

   leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that

 

   in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and

 

   costing the company money.

 

   5.    August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag

 

of M&Ms on

 

   layaway.

 

   6.    August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a

 

carpeted area.

 

   7.    August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and

 

told the

 

   children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and

 

   blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

 

   8.    August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he

 

began crying

 

   and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? EMTs were called.

 

   9.    September 4: Looked right into the security camera and

 

used it as a

 

   mirror while he picked his nose.

 

   10.    September 10: While handling guns in the hunting

 

department, he

 

   asked the clerk where the antidepressants were?

 

   11.    October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while

 

loudly humming

 

   the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

   12.    October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his

 

Madonna look by

 

   using different sizes of funnels.

 

   13.    October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people

 

browsed through,

 

   yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME"

 

   14.    October 21: When an announcement came over the loud

 

speaker, he

 

   assumed a fetal position and screamed. "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

 

 

 

   And last, but not least:

 

 

 

   15.    October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,

 

waited awhile,

 

   and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"  One of

 

   the clerks passed out.

 

 

Oops, not quite sure what mystical magical thing I did to get that on twice

This is Hilarious, I love it !

I think any positive/constructive paln is a good step forward.  I've decided to start tackling lack of sleep and too much stress - both eating triggers for me, since one causes me not to pay attention to what I'm eating, the other makes me want to eat more.....

Started by trying to get to sleep no later than 9:00 pm (I get up at 5:50 am during the work week).  So far so good.  Puts a little crimp in my non-burgeoning social life, but hey...

Also, I'm trying to disapate stress by getting in volved in things I like/enjoy, so as not to focus too much on the unhappy parts of my work.

We'll see how it goes, and if it makes a difference.

CS - Sounds as though you have a great plan for success.  I have been reading a number of articles recently on the importance of adequate sleep in general and a few specifically about as it relates to weight loss.

I hear what you say about early to bed - I get up at 4:30 and know I really need to be asleep by 8:30 - don't always make it but i put forth the effort to be in bed at least by that time.