Off topic and need advice for a friend

I have a friend that is about 450 and she is having major health issues. A couple of our friends and myself are really worried about her. We eat good around her and were wanting to maybe suggest weight loss surgery or something. I want to be sensitive but I am so scared for her. Any ideas? Please be friendly on this topic. I didn't put it on the main board because most wouldn't understand.

The way I see it, WLS is something someone has to decide upon themselves. I honestly never considered it for myself, however, until my husband suggested looking into it. It took about a year of unhappiness and consideration to decide, but I did it because someone else suggested it. I have no idea if yor friend even realizes her condition is so acute, but I sure didn't. Consult with her as a concerned friend, which you are, and tell her of your health successes and accomplishments since surgery. Offer your support no matter what she decides, which is most important. Remember, she may not even realize her condition. She might seem sensitive to it at first, but I think she'll come to terms with it in the long run. Good luck!

I have been where your friend is now.  My highest weight recorded was 444 but I feel it was Little bit higher.  At that weight I was beginning to have more problems with my lower back such as when I took a shower I barely could get through the shower without excruciating pain in lower back so I would have to rush my shower.  I could not do any shopping without getting in a electric shopping cart.  If I tried to walk then within 3-5 minutes I could be in such pain I would have to find a seat to sit in to relieve some of the back pain. I am now taking a shower and can enjoy it.  Also my diabetes was out of control.  The surgery is a life-saver for me.  When you approach someone such as a friend I think if you do it in a loving and gentle way and maybe tell her the stats of success in this surgery and how you feel it would enhance her life, self-esteem.   And that You are discussing with her because you care and want what is best for her.  It has changed my life so immensely.  I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure any longer.  I don't know if your friend has any of these problems but we know 80% of people who have Gastric Bypass no longer have diabetes.I have a long way to go but I have lost over 100 lbs now.  Let her know you will be there to support her if she decides to have surgery.  Hope this helps some!  Good Luck!  Donna

My guess is that your friend may be afraid to hope that she can be "normal".  Just the fact you come to her offering her hope will be significant.  I echo that in sharing your heartfelt concern, you also share that your love and caring is unconditional and you will be there for her whatever her decision.  She is indeed very lucky to have friends like you.

Lesley, because of the concern of close friends and family I decided to start looking into WLS. If you truly care about this person please find a way to approach her privately about your concerns for her. I literally owe my life to those who, in love, opened my eyes to what I was doing to myself and my family. I will be praying for you and will be here if you need to talk.

I agree with what others have said so well.  From the tone of your post, I am sure you are coming from a place of care and concern and that this would come across when you talk with her.  My caution is to ensure you don't come across as preachy, or holiler than tho, and I've done so well and I'm better than you type thing (I dont' think you will, just putting it out there) .

I hope you understand what I mean.  However, at the end of the say, she is an adult and responsible for her own actions and the choice is hers to make.  You can only point out the different options.  I have two friends, one is now persuing a lapband as a result of me having had wls and one is positively against and won't talk about wls (I think deep down she is afraid that she will be the one person it doesn't work on - haven't we all been there?  I know I have)!

Let us know how it goes if you feel able

May I please make one suggestion.....please be very gentle.  I was the friend who was out of control with weight and diet with all of my friends who had the RNY or the duodenal switch (no lap bands back then).  I felt so out of place.  A "friend" was very rude and told me to get it together and get the surgery.  I went home and cried.  It took another year to do the surgery (the usual of insurance and program constraints).  But now I know I am okay.  Thank heavens my other friends were much more gentle.  They told me they were worried for my health ( a basic hearta ttack waiting to happen).  If you take that road it will be easier for your friend.  Good luck and I will send prayers for you and her!

I want to thank you all so much for your kind words. I am collecting thoughts and when I get back from my honeymoon in 10 days I will talk with her thanks!