Diary of a BOTTer - I have lost my mind!

Sounds to me as though you are getting a lot of opportunities to learn the lesson of TAKING CARE OF YOU FIRST SO YOU WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE OTHERS.  Remember, it is appropriate for the one(s) with inappropriate behavior to feel uncomfortable.  Sometimes that is the only thing that will motivate us to change. (For example, the alcoholic hitting rock bottom and the fact they can only be an alcoholic if they have an enabler & an enabler only prolongs thier dysfunctional behavior. 
I happen to know about learning opportunities first hand - it's called P A T I E N C E   We all have growing edges (those layers you taked about, Kathy)  I'm not withoutout my "fixer" growing edge - it's why I went into psychology and it took me many many many many uears to "get it" that I can't fix everyone - in fact, I can't fix anyone.  No one can MAKE anyone else think, feel, or do anything - we can only invite and it is up to the other person whether or not they accept our invitation.