How Do You Handle the Hurt....

Hello BOTT Family,
This was posted on the Main Board on Saturday, but I wanted to share it with you since I'm still in the process of healing.  Here's what happened.  On Saturday my sister and I had a heated argument about believe it or not  food.  We work at the same location and we decided to ride into work together.  The game plan was to stop at Boston Market for the meal special.  Before I left I fixed my lunch and packed my bag, because I don't or should I say can't eat everything on the Boston Market menu.

When we got their the place was packed and their was 45 minute wait before the next batch of chickens would be ready.  I got blamed for F***kin' around and not having time to wait on the food.  I had a gift card for Olive Garden and offered to stop there since it was on the way, needless to say that wasn't good enough.

She cursed me out in the restaurant, called me a selfish, self centered ***** and told me how much she disliked me and has always disliked me.  Talking about a WOW moment!  How would you have reacted, and what would you do about the situation now?

I posted this update on Sunday morning....

****Update on dealing with the hurt****

Yesterday, was stressful and hurtful as hell.  About 45 minutes after I got to work my body began to do its own thing.  I was in the Ladies Room the first time for about 30 minutes, and had to make two more trips after that.  After that episode it took all I had in me and prayer NOT to go downstairs to the vending machine and try to buy and eat everything that it contained or that my pouch would tolerate.

After posting here on the boards yesterday, and talking to a few close friends, I was able to calm down and get my head and stomach together.  A cup of hot herbal blueberry tea has never been more needed and more comforting.

The ride home was quiet and tension filled; had it not been for the radio, I would have been able to hear the ping in the engine!  Other than me asking her to put out her cigarette before she got in my car....nothing was said.  I don't even think we were breathing the same air!
Earlier in the evening she had been in my office to drop off something to another co-worker.  Normally she would stop by my desk, yesterday I didn't even know she had been their until someone told me. 

Today, I have a few of her things at my desk that I have been using like her space heater, CD's & DVD's which I plan to bag up and put under her desk.  It's going to take me a minute, but my healing has begun.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hill, from which cometh my help.
     My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul
                                                                   Psalm 121:1-2, 7


Genie

Dreamgirl, your sister was way out of line. NO food is worth waiting for 45 minutes when you have to get to work! Plus, Olive Garden is a fine choice, especially since you were picking up the tab! It's not your fault that Boston Market was so packed.

Your sister was using this as an excuse to spew venom on you. She is likely jealous of your weight loss success and is using this as an opportunity to berate you and make herself feel just a little bit better.

Give it some time, then talk to her honestly about her feelings and yours'. Try to stay matter-of-fact and non-dramatic, detached even. Hopefully you two will reconcile eventually. Sisters may not always agree, but she was out of control in her response to the situation.

Hang in there!

Thank you Waterwench, my talking and reconciliation days are over. I'm getting too old for this nonsense.  My sister and I have never had a good relationship and this was the straw that broke
the camels back

I can totally relate to what you say. I put up with a lot from 2 of my sisters for many years - finally last year was the last straw for me and I decided I wasn't going to put up with it anymore, so we no longer have a relationship and are not in contact.

It is very sad, but at the end of the day, we need to put our boundaries up and ensure people respect those and treat us well. 

I know how hard it is, even if we have broken off the relationship for good reasons, big hugs to you

Hey Genie

somehow family have the capacity to hurt us far more deeply than others.  I'm sorry your sister acted this way towards you, BUT I am so proud of you for not turning to food, but turning to prayer instead.  We may feel weak but we are strong in the Lord, and you found this strength.

It sounds to me like this was a way over-reaction by your sister, and that usually happens when there is something else deeper going on, and this was just a trigger.  Any ideas what you think that is?  Although you are the injured party, seek revelation and wisdom on the matter on what is really going on.  Then it will give you insight on how to deal with it a bit better.

Big big hugs

Ugh I hate crapy drama (this from a theatre student, right??).... What a yucky situation. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I have never had a sister (3 older brothers here), so I'm not sure how 'cat fights' really go or how long they last with sisters. I am lucky that I have a very close family. Even though we do have spats like this, we always come around eventually. Half of the time, it turns out that you were not really the source of their agression at all, you just happened to be present when the vent finally let loose. She might have been stressing over something completely different, and now is having a hard time admitting to you and herself that she's sorry for what she said. Give it some time. She IS your sister, after all.

"Life may change us, but we start and end with family"
 -- From the inside of a dove chocolate "Promises" wrapper

Yes she is my sister by blood only its a shame she doesn't act like it!

My sister is like that.  When she is mad at me - she will try to say anything and everything to hurt me.   I know she loves me - but...  I do like being treated like that.   With family like that - who needs enemies?
My sister thinks that since we are sisters - I have no choice but to love her.  And she is right- I love her - but I do not like her and she is my sister - but she is not my friend.

(((HUGS)))

Its's so sad sisters are supposed to be closer than close. You're suppose to be able to share everything with them. You're suppose to be able to tslk to your sister when you can't talk to anyone else.  Damn, I've been watching too many movies!

My heart aches with you   Being the only child of two only children and married to an only child, I am obviously not an expert on family relations LOL

I can only say, know that you are loved and treasured by many.   Yes, it would be nice if your sister was a warm, compassionate, loving human being - but she's NOT.    All the wishing in the world can't make it so.  No one can make anyone else think, feel, or do anything - we can only invite and it's up to the other person whether or not they accept the invitation.  Please, don't accept her invitation to feel "less than".  Give your time, thoughts and energy to those who will wrap you in love and caring.  Be happy (if you're into revenge - which of course isn't the least bit healthy LOL) you being happy without her will drive her up the wall. 

By the way - I'd suggest another way of getting to work besides riding with her.  She's toxic! 

Hope your allow day is joyful, it's no more than you deserve!!!!!