I simply have no more excuses . . .

I'm not a newcomer--I've been on OH for about a yr. before my RNY in Aug., '05.  But it's still hard for me to post how far off-track I've gotten in the past few yrs.  I've pretended that I haven't really re-gained as much as I have, but the truth is that I'm up 54 lbs. from my low/goal weight.   That is almost 40% of what I lost (140 lbs.).  And, wow, that is tough to write down.

My story is not unique.  I was a model wls patient--very compliant (food & exercise) for about 1 1/2 yrs.  So grateful that, at 54 yrs. of age, I had been given this chance to get my life back and enjoy my grown kids & grandkids, as well as be a better wife, employee, etc.!  For another yr., I was still pretty "good"--just trying to find a balance of what I could/couldn't eat, how much I needed to exercise, etc.  At about 2 1/2+ yrs., I just gradually got stupid.  No other explanation.  Got lazy w/ my eating & exercising, found myself falling back into all the old patterns of denial, all-or-nothing thinking, sneaking, etc., etc.  The weight steadily rose as I refused to face it.

OK, that was then.  This is now.  Our daughter got married Aug. 1 (I was so depressed at how much different I looked for her wedding than I did for our other daughter's wedding 3  yrs. ago).  Our best friends just moved to FL (huge stress).  So it's a new season w/ a new routine.  I currently have no excuses for not getting back on track.    I know EXACTLY what I need to be doing differently.  I've joined the T'giving Challlenge here on BOTT.  Gonna do my best.  Not giving up.

Just needed to post this so I could see it in print and make myself feel accountable.  Thanks for everyone being here.  I've been reading OH--mostly BOTT but occasionally the main board or grads board--and love the encouragement, success stories (as well as the "failures"). 

 Jo...we have all been there or we would not be here This is an awesome site and everyone is extremely supportive...you can get back on track...you know how to do it...all you need it the committment and support...and support is right here!!!

Thanks--you're right--it's hard, after so many decades of shame & failure, to remember that we (here on BOTT) are all in the same boat to various degrees.   I forget that I don't have to be ashamed here.

Well, I meant to reply to your post, but I mistakenly posted it ABOVE your reply instead of BELOW it! 

Jp - WELCOME BACK    We've all been there and done that - some more than once.  We understand that you, like us, are human and humans aren't perfect.

Please don't ever feel ashamed

If you will, please post often and allow us to share your journey.  WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER

Again, I'm so glad you got brave enough to share with us

Thanks, happylap!

It feels a LITTLE better just to have posted.  It's SO easy to isolate myself and "go inward" w/ my denial and shame.  I need to remember who we are, what we've ALL been through, and what we're all struggling with (at least on BOTT!). 

Jo  --
I can so relate to your issues. Sometimes it seems as though the stress is so overwhelming that we fall back into our old habits to comfort ourselves.  

This group has been wonderful, and I have only just joined less than a week ago.  I am trying to get back on track myself, too.  If I can do anything to help support you, please let me know.


Take care.

Thanks, Alicia.  Even when I'm doing terrible, I do really love reading the board and seeing how everyone else is doing.  I just need to get more active and accountable and apply what I'm reading from you good BOTT people!!

There is no shame in admitting a mistake. In fact, without doing so, you can't BOTT. You can't truely commit to success until you realize what happened, and resolve to make the correct adjustments to fix it. And you can, and have! What a brave, excellent post you've written. One I think every single person on this board can relate to. We are all facing those challanges every day and come here for that extra nudge of support we need. You are so welcome to join in, tell us anything you want, be it a new recipe you discovered, an excercise that works well for you, when you've fallen off the wagon and need some encouragment to realize it was a mistake and today is a new day...  Wow that was a run-on sentance if I ever read one! I think you get the idea, though. Welcome to BOTT, and I very much look forward to hearing your updates in the Thanksgiving Pledge/Challange!

Thanks so much--what an encouraging reply!  Almost made me cry!  I've just felt so frustrated & "down" for so long that I hardly know how to handle the positive comments! 

Now I need to put one foot in front of the other and take the steps I know to do.  And come back to BOTT every day.  If I don't, I can't bear the thought of another few mo. going by and heading into the holiday season with even more pounds added.

I'll be back tomorrow.