Back On Track Together
So dang discouraged...
The bathroom scale is evil. And yesterday, it seriously threw me for a loop. I weigh myself once a week or so - because I don't want to be tied to a number for validation of what I'm doing in life. And I liked the numbers I was getting - almost 100 pounds since my RNY on 12/8. (260 was the last reading) Yesterday however, I went to my family doctor, and during the check in process, hopped on the scale. For the first time in my life, I wasn't afraid of it, because the bathroom scale was telling me such good news.
Well, there must be a black hole in the doctor's office or something, because it weighed me at 308. A 48 pound difference!!!! Just to double check that scale, they had me hop on another...still 308. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. And to make matters worse, I'd changed family practicioners since my surgery (long story there), and the nurse asked...Oh, so you're considering bypass? When's your surgery scheduled for?
I hate it. I hate myself, and I feel like such an abysmal failure. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I cried for the rest of my visit, and stressed out even more when they took my blood pressure and told me it was way too high (gee, ya think???) and I needed to go back on meds for it.
(To make matters worse, I came home and told my husband who dug out the older scale, and when I got on that one, it agreed with the Doctor's)
I _KNOW_ I haven't been doing the things that I should be doing - but I haven't been that bad (at least I didn't think so). I was fooled by that dang scale, and not being as vigilant as I should be. Today I am trying desparately to get back on track - day 1 of the 5DPT, and trying to look at this as one huge broken window, not a truly destroyed house. I was just so dang happy every time I looked at that number on the scale - every time I put clothes on and they nearly fell off of me - every time I could go buy clothes in sizes that I haven't worn since college.
There aren't people around me who will understand what I'm feeling or what I'm going through - and I really feel alone. I hate myself for putting my mind and body through this process only to prove to myself that yet again, I'm a failure. How do I go tell my family that the weight I thought I lost is still there? That the numbers that I told them weren't accurate - that I am not lying to them? (Because that is what they're going to think).
Sorry for rambling, I just need a place to empty my head. And maybe get a hand to get back on the wagon. I'm a relative newbie compared to some folks here - and that just makes it worse...this should be different, this should be 'easier'.
Kellie
Well, there must be a black hole in the doctor's office or something, because it weighed me at 308. A 48 pound difference!!!! Just to double check that scale, they had me hop on another...still 308. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. And to make matters worse, I'd changed family practicioners since my surgery (long story there), and the nurse asked...Oh, so you're considering bypass? When's your surgery scheduled for?
I hate it. I hate myself, and I feel like such an abysmal failure. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I cried for the rest of my visit, and stressed out even more when they took my blood pressure and told me it was way too high (gee, ya think???) and I needed to go back on meds for it.
(To make matters worse, I came home and told my husband who dug out the older scale, and when I got on that one, it agreed with the Doctor's)
I _KNOW_ I haven't been doing the things that I should be doing - but I haven't been that bad (at least I didn't think so). I was fooled by that dang scale, and not being as vigilant as I should be. Today I am trying desparately to get back on track - day 1 of the 5DPT, and trying to look at this as one huge broken window, not a truly destroyed house. I was just so dang happy every time I looked at that number on the scale - every time I put clothes on and they nearly fell off of me - every time I could go buy clothes in sizes that I haven't worn since college.
There aren't people around me who will understand what I'm feeling or what I'm going through - and I really feel alone. I hate myself for putting my mind and body through this process only to prove to myself that yet again, I'm a failure. How do I go tell my family that the weight I thought I lost is still there? That the numbers that I told them weren't accurate - that I am not lying to them? (Because that is what they're going to think).
Sorry for rambling, I just need a place to empty my head. And maybe get a hand to get back on the wagon. I'm a relative newbie compared to some folks here - and that just makes it worse...this should be different, this should be 'easier'.
Kellie
Day by Day.
(((Kellie)))
Please feel free to vent at any time. You are definitely NOT a failure. I can totally understand your disappointment, but you have not given up. In my eyes, that makes you a winner! You have a plan and you have come to a wonderful place for support and encouragement. I just know that you will achieve the goals that you have set for yourself. Hang in there.
Please feel free to vent at any time. You are definitely NOT a failure. I can totally understand your disappointment, but you have not given up. In my eyes, that makes you a winner! You have a plan and you have come to a wonderful place for support and encouragement. I just know that you will achieve the goals that you have set for yourself. Hang in there.
Loving me...every day...for the rest of my life! 
Kellie
no matter what number the scales tell you - those clothes are still nearly falling off you - you can still go and buy clothes in sizes that you haven't worn since college! Those are facts just as the number on a scale is a fact.
You have done a greta job, you got decieved by a number, but it doesn't change the size you are. Yes it has thrown you for a loop, but every stumbling block can become a stepping stone if you use it in the right way.
So now, however rouhg you may feel, take this opportunity that has been given to you, to reassess your weight loss journey - what you are eating, and how much you are moving. Now is the opportunity to make the changes you need to continue on the journey that you have already come so far on.
It is always hard when trust is brought out into the light. But now that you are in the light, you can see what you are doing, if that makes sense. It's like you were living in the dark before. It may take a while to 'adjust' you eyes to the glare, but once you have you can get going on the weight loss journey again.
Hang in there - get through the emotional mess, and you are going to do great. I'm looking forward to hearing the great strides you are going to be making.
hugs, Ruth
no matter what number the scales tell you - those clothes are still nearly falling off you - you can still go and buy clothes in sizes that you haven't worn since college! Those are facts just as the number on a scale is a fact.
You have done a greta job, you got decieved by a number, but it doesn't change the size you are. Yes it has thrown you for a loop, but every stumbling block can become a stepping stone if you use it in the right way.
So now, however rouhg you may feel, take this opportunity that has been given to you, to reassess your weight loss journey - what you are eating, and how much you are moving. Now is the opportunity to make the changes you need to continue on the journey that you have already come so far on.
It is always hard when trust is brought out into the light. But now that you are in the light, you can see what you are doing, if that makes sense. It's like you were living in the dark before. It may take a while to 'adjust' you eyes to the glare, but once you have you can get going on the weight loss journey again.
Hang in there - get through the emotional mess, and you are going to do great. I'm looking forward to hearing the great strides you are going to be making.
hugs, Ruth
Kellie - Do your clothes fit any differently on the dr's scale than they did when you left home believing your bathroom scales? Remember - scales cannot measure worth - all they can measure is weight - you are the one who assigns worth. Nothing had changed between the two weigh ins except YOUR assignment of worth.
Our surgery is only a tool - not a magic wand. Just as you could have 100 haammers in your tool box but if you did not pick up one and use it no nail would ever be driven into the board. And so it is with our tool of bariatric surgery. You have not been using your tool. This is not a diet - this is a permanent lifestyle change. Calories still count just exactly as they did before the surgery. There are still only three ways to loose weight (1) Eat fewer calories (2) Burn more calories with exercise and (3) A combination of 1 & 2. If we are to be successful in losing and maintaining our weight loss we must use the combination for the rest of our life. "I haven't been that bad" is deadly, self-defeating behavior. It isn't a matter of good or bad - it is a matter of healthy thinking and behavior. You aren't a failure - you are human. I know that's a terrible inconvenience and I hate to be the bearer of bad news - but you are human LOL There is absolutely no reason not to be joyous about the way your clothes fit. Would you like to lose 150 pounds and still wear the same "fat lady" clothes? I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So celebrate where you are - how far you've come - and get back on track before you eat yourself out of your wonderful new size. YOU CAN DO IT.
Our surgery is only a tool - not a magic wand. Just as you could have 100 haammers in your tool box but if you did not pick up one and use it no nail would ever be driven into the board. And so it is with our tool of bariatric surgery. You have not been using your tool. This is not a diet - this is a permanent lifestyle change. Calories still count just exactly as they did before the surgery. There are still only three ways to loose weight (1) Eat fewer calories (2) Burn more calories with exercise and (3) A combination of 1 & 2. If we are to be successful in losing and maintaining our weight loss we must use the combination for the rest of our life. "I haven't been that bad" is deadly, self-defeating behavior. It isn't a matter of good or bad - it is a matter of healthy thinking and behavior. You aren't a failure - you are human. I know that's a terrible inconvenience and I hate to be the bearer of bad news - but you are human LOL There is absolutely no reason not to be joyous about the way your clothes fit. Would you like to lose 150 pounds and still wear the same "fat lady" clothes? I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So celebrate where you are - how far you've come - and get back on track before you eat yourself out of your wonderful new size. YOU CAN DO IT.
Wednesday's Update.
Well, I've been faithful to day one and day two of the 5DPT - and got 'brave' enough to step on the (formerly assumed to be inaccurate but matches the doctor's office) scale tonight when I got home from puppy class and was changing clothes. I'm down 1.5 pounds - 3 with my clothes off - so that seems about right for me. I'm chalking it up to water weight loss since I've been trying to get as much water in as I can. (Today was a tough one - I can't drink it for some reason - it makes Polly (the grouchy pouch) squidgy. But I'm sipping away. I'm going back to the doctor in the morning to have blood drawn for some tests that need repeated (since the courier didn't get there in time and they were sitting out in 100^ heat...*sigh) - I will ask them then if I can hop on thier scale as well.
Tonight I made up the goodies for the mock breakfast burritto - which I'll nuke at the office in the morning for breakfast, and the Parmesan Tuna Patties which I'll have for lunch tomorrow and dinner tomorrow night. Everything has been carefully laid out, measured, weighed and packed up - so I just need to throw it all in my lunch bag when I'm heading out the door tomorrow.
Yesterday was a tough day - the first day of breaking the carb cycle just...well it hurts. I had such a headache and was quite the cranky puppy when I got home last night. Today - wasn't so bad. I actually didn't feel 'hungry' for most of the day. I did have my shakes at breakfast, lunch, and dinner - but it was more because I knew I had to - rather than being 'starving'. I know that mindless eating is something that I've been sturggling with - so hopefully keeping busy will help me as well.
I just want to thank all of you SOOOO much for giving me the support and the kick in the pants that I needed. As someone told me - I'm human, and I have to remember that - I'm not perfect (even though I feel like I need to be sometimes).
Big hugs for all ya'll!
Kellie
Well, I've been faithful to day one and day two of the 5DPT - and got 'brave' enough to step on the (formerly assumed to be inaccurate but matches the doctor's office) scale tonight when I got home from puppy class and was changing clothes. I'm down 1.5 pounds - 3 with my clothes off - so that seems about right for me. I'm chalking it up to water weight loss since I've been trying to get as much water in as I can. (Today was a tough one - I can't drink it for some reason - it makes Polly (the grouchy pouch) squidgy. But I'm sipping away. I'm going back to the doctor in the morning to have blood drawn for some tests that need repeated (since the courier didn't get there in time and they were sitting out in 100^ heat...*sigh) - I will ask them then if I can hop on thier scale as well.
Tonight I made up the goodies for the mock breakfast burritto - which I'll nuke at the office in the morning for breakfast, and the Parmesan Tuna Patties which I'll have for lunch tomorrow and dinner tomorrow night. Everything has been carefully laid out, measured, weighed and packed up - so I just need to throw it all in my lunch bag when I'm heading out the door tomorrow.
Yesterday was a tough day - the first day of breaking the carb cycle just...well it hurts. I had such a headache and was quite the cranky puppy when I got home last night. Today - wasn't so bad. I actually didn't feel 'hungry' for most of the day. I did have my shakes at breakfast, lunch, and dinner - but it was more because I knew I had to - rather than being 'starving'. I know that mindless eating is something that I've been sturggling with - so hopefully keeping busy will help me as well.
I just want to thank all of you SOOOO much for giving me the support and the kick in the pants that I needed. As someone told me - I'm human, and I have to remember that - I'm not perfect (even though I feel like I need to be sometimes).
Big hugs for all ya'll!
Kellie
Day by Day.
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