Will I ever beat food addiction!!??!!

Will I ever wake up one day and WANT to exercise? Will I ever RATHER a salad instead of a Bigmac? Will I ever not fill my plate to capacity when I know that I can only eat a small portion of what is on it? Will I ever be able to stop "weighing in" every Monday? Will I ever be able to get rid of my "fat pictures" and pretend that I was never fat? Will everyone in my family ever forget that I used to be fat and stop saying, everytime that I eat, "you better watch out before you gain ALL that weight back!"? Will I ever remember that I no longer have to use the BIG bathroom stall? Will I ever look in the mirror and be satisfied that I am a "good size"? Will I ever stop comparing myself to every woman I see -sayng to myself " I wonder if I'm bigger than her?" Will I ever stop hearing from "freinds" how such and such lost 50 pounds-WITHOUT surgery? Will I ever be able to eat a piece of cake, or pie or ice cream without feeling sooo guilty and unworthy of my surgery? Will I ever be NORMAL?

Hi Queenbee37, and Welcome to BOTT,

Unfortunately food is something we have to live with because we can't do without it.  As for the food addition and the temptations that surround us that is something that will always be in our face.  We know the consequences of eating Big Mac's, ice cream and all the other foods that took us to numbers that we would rather forget.

Exercise unless its in the form of a sexual activity is something I never want to do, but with weight loss surgery exercise is important.  Five steps or five miles can take up to a whole new level of accomplishments.

Weighing yourself every Monday or any other time you get on that scale is your way of keeping yourself in line and a reminder of just where you don't want to return.  People that know you had surgery...some wanting you to fail will always have you under the microscope watching every little thing  (more than you do) that goes into your mouth.  Some will have positive comments and then others will always be negative no matter what you do.

Will you ever be "NORMAL?" Who can say what normal is. People that are smaller than we us, are they NORMAL.  They have hangups and problems, eating disorders, and low self esteem issues just like us.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  I have a poem that I often read...

I'm Just Lovin' Me For A Moment...
Pardon me...I'm just lovin' me for a moment this morning
I woke up this morning to the pattern of my own shadow.
No matter where I turn, I cannot separate what I reflect in
my shadow.

It came to me...
I am a resurrected vessel...Beautiful!
Moving into another level of wholeness.
I think I ought to love me this morning.

Genie

Thanks Genie. Sometimes I get so frustrated with having to focus my-almost-every-moment of my day on food, exercise, weight, health. I was sick of being fat now Im sick of worrying about not being fat. And I cannot let my guard down because if i do for one week I gain 5 pounds-how unfair is that!? Maybe brain surgery will work better-surgery that make me only want to eat to survive not for pleasure. I could get my pleasure elsewhere. Ok I think I finished with my pitty party. Pray for me, I haven't exercised in over a year. Im blessed that I only gained 15 lbs it could have been much much worse especially when I started eating whatever I felt like (just because it was smaller servings and I thought I had malabsorption of calories on my side. Oh well. Thanks again-I like your poem.

Queenbee, this is a lifelong journey.  We all get frustrated, tired and angry about what they didn't tell us when we were preparing for WLS. It's done and we have a tool that a lot of people don't have.  We are blessed to be where we are; look at your acheievments not your failures...move on. Where's your journal.. write it down. Keeping track of your calorie count and what you're eating daily makes a BIG difference.  I know you know that.  Go back to basics.  We eat to live, not live to eat. 

You haven't exercised in over a year?  Yes you have, everytime you take a step you're exercising, everytime you walk up and down the steps you're exercising...its all in what you do and how you do it.  Do you like to dance?  Go into your quiet spot and create your own dance moves you'd be surprised at how much of a sweat you can work up and its fun.  Put on some jammin' music and jam, I know you know how!  Do the funky chicken with those arms and step in place, just move the body...hmmm sounds good I may have to throw down myself tonight!

Pity-party over, I was where you are today earlier in the week.  Come on Queen, you can do this...it's a new day but the dance is the same. You did it before you can do it again.

Love ya girl...Yes you can!

I want to echo everything that's been said.  Before wls I thought my lifelong struggle with food would be over - how wrong I was.

But that said, I would still rather be where I am today then where I was pre wls.  I think most people don't feel normal and feel that others are normal.  We deal with this, others deal with that.

Big hugs to you, take one step at a time, each day find one (or more if you can but it must be at least one) positive thing about yourself - a different thing each day for a week and build on that.  Its' hard, as it' s much easier to focus on the negative.  Then if you need to do the same points for the next wee****il you really believe it.

Ruth

Probably not.   But that's not really the question - the question is will you ever allow yourself to be worthy and not give a hoot about what others say?  Normal is on a sliding scale - is it NORMAL to say hurtful things to you???  I don't think so, but thoughtless people do.  Be a duck - let it roll of your back.  Find a friend you trust to be absolutely honest with you, go to the mall, find a bench and sit there and as people pass by, have them tell you how you compare size wise.  We haven't a clue how we really look - when I was fat, I didn't see myself as THAT fat, and now I don't see myself a thin.  But you know what, I sure love buying smaller clothes!!!!!!


So such and such lost their weight is totally irrelevant.  Just because such and such takes insulin - doesn't make any difference how much it helps them - if it doesn't solve our probelsm, it isn't good for us. 

Basically, love, accept, and nurture yourself    PRACTICE  PARACTICE  PRACTICE

I am also new to this board and this thread was a good one for me to read. Often times it feels like I am the only one that is having these thoughts or feelings. Everyone is so encouraging and motivating. So thank you everyone!

It's good to have you with us   Don't be shy   Please let us know how we can be of help to you.