In A Bad Place.....

Hi All,
I'm in a bad place and can't seem to find the door to get out!  I really need some support and motivation.  I've gained 30lbs of the 110 I have lost since my open RNY on 11/06.  I have had several complications. I developed a gastro-gastric fistula about a year ago. I got caught up in the "slider syndrome" eating habit. It seems that I am hungry all the time.
I am soooo afraid of having another surgery.  So here I am. I want and need to gain control of myself and the bad habits I have picked up.
I just don't know where to start. I'm not sure how many calories I should be eating, nor the breakdown of fats,fiber etc. I do know that I neeed to get at least 64oz water and 100 grams of protein.
Any tips,criticisms, web sites etc. that might be useful will be greatly appreciated.
Also, is there a certain type of format you follow? ie: weigh-in day, listing your days intake etc?  I have read the guidelines, but I guess I still need to be guided! 
 I pray that I have what it takes to gain control.  Thanks everyone.

Some of us find it helpful when we are struggling to get back track to go back to the basics of remembering how motivated we were when we first had the surgery and to using the two-weeks on each level of refeeding we used after surgery.  That kind of gets one back to not having to make a lot of decisions and signals our body and our brain we are really serious about losing and maintaining.  Also, check out Cathy's guidelines posted at the beginning of this site.  There are so many things there that we tend to forget/ignore over time.

WE CAN DO (AND ARE DOING) THIS TOGETHER - YES WE CAN

For starters, just take it 5 minutes at a time - and celebrate each 5 minute success in a non-food way   Be kind and gentle, firm but kind and gentle, with yourself.  Love yourself - you are worthy of that love.

And keep in mind these two facts. (1) Scales cannot measure worth - they can only measure weight.  You are not what you weigh - you are who you are.  And part of who you are is a person who keeps their promises - so, respect yourself enough to keep your promise to yourself to get back on track.  and (2) Being "hungry" DOES NOT = HAVING to eat.  (I'm not sure why, but that's such a novel concept for us LOL)

If you're comfortable, please keep us posted on your progress.  I believe in your - now it's your turn to believe in yourself

Peg,

All of us have been there and that's why we're here now. One of the things my nutritionist has preached to me is support, support, support. This is an awesome place for it. I myself was trapped in the "slider syndrome" habits, which I fight constantly to not fall back into. I learned all the tricks on how to eat more and to eat what I want.

What I'm doing to start out with on this windy road is picking one or two things I want to do every week. If I don't conquer it that week then it carries over to the next week. For example, this week I am going to get in all my water everyday and stay on track with my protein drinks. Then next week, I'll choose something else. This is how I keep myself from being overwhelmed . It gives me small goals to work on instead of focusing on the overall picture.

I hope that helps Peg. Please come back and post anything that you're feeling. And remember, it can't be said enough, we are all in this together.

You have received some GREAT advice already, but I wanted to tell you that you have made the first big step...reaching out and looking for support.  We are here to help each other, so don't be afraid to continue to reach out.  You can do this!  Just remember that!  :)

  When I think back to when I lost most of the weight, I remember being so adament, saying, "I'll never ever let this happen to me again! I'd have to be crazy to gain it back!" I never felt more sure of anything in my life. Then it happened, and I feel like such a failure, because this is what everyone told me would happen.

I am going to re-read the guidelines and take all the suggestions given to me and give it my best!
Thanks to all of you for the support and for having confidence in me. I look forward to being part of the BOTT family!

I just wanted to send you a warm welcome, Peg.  I'm so glad that you have joined us!

Thanks for your kind words Hope101. Your screen name is perfect because that's exactly what I have to recapture................my hope.

Well you're on the right track to me.  You caught it at 30 lbs and you know you have to stop the slider foods.  Like others stated, there are guidelines to follow on here.  Just take it one day at a time.  We're all in this together!