The end of perfectionism

I am just putting this out there for people to ponder, and maybe share your ideas. For as long as I can remember I have been a perfectionist when it comes to diet, and weight. I set very high expectations for myself, and had a list of rules for myself. I would be a perfect weight. I would eat a perfect diet. I would never ever overeat. I would always follow my diet 100%. I would never have the wrong foods, or eat too much of a certain thing. In my mind I was seeking to achieve a goal of perfect eating, and believed only once I had accomplished this goal that I would be able to be the weight I wanted, and that having achieved perfection I would never have to worry about weight again.

It seems though that in the last few days I have been having an ah-ha moment about this all or nothing thinking. First of all I am coming to realize how impossible this all is. I mean first of all I like food. I like it too much to be so strict with myself. Second of all I am just human. perfection is not a human attribute.
Like I said thought this scares me. I really always believed there would be this moment  when I would no longer have issues with food, A moment when i would no longer crave sweets, or chips, or pizza. Where i would have achieved perfection, and at that moment my weight problem would be solved.
So how to I learn to live in this "in between, " place? How do I accept that while I will never "diet" perfectly, I can still maintain a healthy weight? How do I achieve balance in my life where I am neither eating out of control, nor seeking to be perfect?

Anyways these are just some questions I am dealing with right now. i don't necessarily need answers, but would love to hear your thoughts on the subject.

Wow....reading your note hit home for me...more than you realize! 

Like you, I have been determined to do this right...perfectly....FOREVER.  And I did...until both of my parents died in the span of two months.  Suddenly I was confronted with not being able to be perfect.  I didn't have the time or the energy to eat perfectly, to keep track like I had been, to exercise daily....  Then I started seeing my weight vary -- not a lot, just a few pounds -- but that hadn't happened to that point. 

Since everything has happened, I have had a hard time getting back to being "perfect" again, which has been hard to accept.  That said, I have found out that, surprise of all surprises, not being perfect isn't the end of the world.  I know what I can and can't have, (in spite of the dreaded carb monster -- my weakness is granola -- good carbs, I know, but carbs nonetheless) and try very hard to keep within the normal limits I have set for myself.  I'm not at my personal goal weight (well past my surgeon's goal), but am still striving to get there.  I haven't given up, far from it, and am always on the lookout for more information about WLS post op, new ideas, new recipes, new ways of thinking, because I know that this is long term, regardless.  I won't go back.  It's a process. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with striving for perfection, but with the knowledge that it is okay not to be perfect.  The world isn't perfect, heck, life isn't perfect, and the best thing we can do for ourselves is to accept that and be able to be pliable..to mold to situations as they arise...that is life, right?

I wish you all of the best!  :)

You have hit home for me as well.  I thought that when I started this journey that I would be the best of the best, never stray from the new lifestyle.. But you are so right...Life got in my way.  With the passing of my parents and the illness of my brother in law, I "fell of the wagon" of that perfect diet and had to realize that I, too, would never be the "perfect" dieter.  Thanks for the post.  It truly was the perfecct timing for me!
Huggs,
Karen

Thank you both for your responses. i am glad I was able to touch on such an important area to both of you. (((((HUGS))))

Well, here goes the way I think about it (at least most of the time it's the way I think about it)

1.  God created me human
2.  God doesn't play dirty tricks on us
3.  Humans aren't perfect
4.  Therefore, if human (imperfect creatures that we are) isn't good enough, then IT'S GOD'S PROBLEM!

Hope this helps a bit of the pressure off of demanding of yourself that you do the impossible

Have a relaxed and joyful BOTT day

I have struggled with being a perfectionist too but in a very different way.  I have both OCD and ADD.   My OCD tells me I have to do things perfectly from following a diet to how to clean my house.  BUT my ADD kicks in and I have no attention for details, I forget things all the time, I'm so disorganized I barely can function some days.   I have self talk going on in my head 24 hours a day about my plans to be perfect and then I will talk myself out of why I can't be perfect. I end up not even trying and thinking I'm not good enough for perfection. If I can't do it perfectly I'm not going to even try.  I create a ton of chaos and clutter in my life due to this cycle and trying to get out of the is very hard.  I use clutter and my perception of never being perfect as a way of keeping people away from getting too close to me.  I clutter my home with things and before surgery I cluttered my body with weight.   By having a cluttered home I have excuses not to have friends or family over.  And when I weighed 323 lbs I was very invisable to many people and didn't socialize.    I think my problem is now that I don't have the weight on my body I'm feeling anxious not having that "clutter" there to protect me and my anxious feelings cause me to eat.  My weight gain I rationalize it to myself "see I'm not perfect yet again I can't even succeed at WLS".  

I'm glad I've had this self realization earlier before I let my weight get out of control again.   I'm working with someone who specializes in therapy for OCD and ADD to change my habits.   I have to have more positive self talk and lower my expectations with perfection.