Feel down and out

I'm 6 years post-op and have had a regain starting the 4th year. During the 4th year, I was on interferon for one year straight. I literally could not eat and the weight dropped down to 135. I thought I looked great. I was wearing 12 jeans and a 6/8 top.But immediately after finishing treatment, every iota of food or protein I put in my body, I pack on weight. Now I'm up to 180 and just want to crawl in a hole and out of sight. Now the carb monster has taken over and I'm in a size 16-18. I'm now just so sad  and crying over the entire thing.

My dr said my iron count is so low, that they want me to take 3 iron supplements a day, extra Vitamin A, and 2000mg Vitamin D.

It's come to the point I have lost all incentive (even knowing how great I felt and looked prior) and I know I'm wallowing in depression. My husband (just got married 6 months ago), is also getting worried about me. I'm seeing a counselor about my stress and eating problems. I do need to exercise, but after caring for a diabetic blind dog every night all night, work from 7:30--5:00, cook, clean, etc., and do it all over again the next day, I just don't have the energy. The dog wakes me up at least 5 times a night with blind barking, piddle calls, drinks of water, and to be comforted. This has been going on for about a year with him. Husband wants me to put the dog down.

Coffee is now my drug of choice--10 cups a day at least. I'm using this as food supplementation, which I know is not good.

I feel I've turned into such a mess and decided to join this group, hoping to get inspiration back.
Sorry to be such a negative Nelly...I just needed to dump and get it off my chest.

Hi there and welcome, Rachael. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles but you've definately come to the right place for support and inspiration.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a huge downer, all it does is feed the negetivity beast, and makes you feel worse. Sometimes you just gotta wake up in the morning and tell yourself "Screw the past. Here is today. Lets start right now". Not "lets start over" but "Lets start". Give it a try tomorrow morning and see what it brings you. If you start the day off with one notion sometimes it can help make the steps in BOTT a little easier.

You have to exercise. Must, somehow, get it in. Nearly every calorie that goes in must be burned if you want to lose. Little efforts when time is lacking are better than none. Really pu**** when you walk anywhere. Eat lunch at your desk and go out for a walk during your real lunch break. Do a few sets of sit-ups when you find a free 10 minutes at home. You can definately comfort your poochie and do some push-ups or leg lifts at the same time, right on the floor with him. He'll love it. Your new hubby can help you a little with the household stuff, maybe... it'll give you a bit more time to exercise. If he's really worried about you as you say... ask him to help you in this way.

Do you track your food intake? www.fitday.com or www.mydailyplate.com or www.myfitnesspal.com help track your food and calorie spendature, and can sometimes help you be accountable for what you're eating in a day.

Personally I don't find fault with your coffee addiction, provided you are also drinking an equal or greater amount of water alongside it. Coffee is an appetite supressant, true. But it also is a diuretic. You may be doing nothing but dehydrating yourself, and causing water weight while your body grasps onto every H2O molocule it can find.

I hope some of my suggestions help you BOTT. Welcome to the group, I look forward on hearing more from you.

Hi,

Thanks for your words of encouragement to Rachel... They have helped me as well!

Donna :)

Hi Rachel!

Welcome to BOTT! I'm a fairly new member myself. My cir****tances are very similar to yours although not quite the same. I am 2 1/2 years post-op. Initially, I lost 106 lbs. and had 64 lbs left to lose before the "honeymoon phase" ended. At that time, I began to find myself starting to emotionally nibble on carbs and things that I knew I shouldn't eat. Gradually, my weight started to creep back up again. As of today, I have put on 38 lbs! It totally scares me beyond belief because I'm afraid that I'm getting out of control with my eating. I'm eating emotionally as I did pre-op due to stress in my life. I am the caretaker for my mother. She isn't an invalid but she lives with me and does require a bit of care. Most of my stress comes from trying to juggle work, other "normal" life stresses (i.e., bills, etc.) and caring for my mother.

My drug of choice is "chocolate" which is the absolute WORST thing that I could be addicted to. After my surgery, I totally left off sugar and did really well in eating the things I'm supposed to eat. Within the last few months, I have totally started eating sweets, drinking carbonated drinks and doing things that I "know" are wrong.


Previously, I posted two messages on the BOTT group and have found everyone to be more than understanding and helpful. They offer such wonderful support. I know that the problem lies inside my head. I have GOT to make up my mind to get back on track and to do the things that I know I should do in order to start losing again. No one can do this but me. I feel like such a failure but know that, in reality, I can get "back on the wagon" again. Perhaps we can get back on track together??? I'd really like to have someone to do this with me!

As you said, I'm sorry to be so negative...I just needed to talk about it and to ask for more support from this awesome group! I look forward to knowing you!

Donna

Rachel and Donna, Let me start by telling you , you are not alone in this struggle.  Donna you are not a failure ! " You are only a failure when you stop trying "  I had RNY April 5,2005. I started my journey at 368 lbs. I went down to 220 lbs at my lowest. I had lots of complications the first year. My husband was dianosed with cancer in July 2005.He went thru 3 bouts with it before he passed November 17, 2009 . I ate to try to help my husband eat. It was a hard thing to watch him go to skin and bones. I also worked a full time job and took care of 2 grandkids, inwhich I had guardianship of since their parents had drug problems. Handling all the stress I started eating more. Chocolate and coffee were my friends. I developed bacteria over growth in my old stomach.  I started gaining weight and started looking into a revision. Test showed that my pouch and stoma are normal. I am now up to 262 lbs. I went to see a surgeon and for the last year I have been jumping thru lots of hoops to get insurance coverage. I met with the surgeon on Tuesday. He is willing to do a revision late June. . I have a very dear nurse friend who works in the office. He asked me to wait one year. Destress my life and do some life style changing  by getting in more exercise. After a long talk and many tears we both desided I would think about it and we both would pray for me to make the right decision. Yesterday I did some journaling and came up with a plan A and plan B. My plan A was to put off my surgery until September. I am trying to Really ! Really ! Get back on track. This weekend I will put my plan on my profile. It is long. I also put a copy in the front of my food dairy and sent a copy to my dear friend. If my plan works and I start to lose weight again there will be no plan B which is have the revision surgery. I still have my tool. I just need to work it. I need to make decisions everyday, hold myself accountable and deal with the consequences as they come.  I will not be hard on myself if I make mistakes and will do little non food rewards. I struggle everyday but I know I am the only one in control of my life. I have to do the work. No one can do it for me. Today is day 2 of my being back on track and I must say I really feel great and proud of myself. It was a big step for me to just come to this group for my first post. I'm sure I will be here often. I look forward to working together with all as we get back on track together. WE CAN DO IT ! See you lighter. Joanne

Welcome! I understand your struggle as I am in it myself. Not in a very up mood this morning so won't write much. Will try to be more inspirational later on. All I know is we can't give up. Perseverance is a necessity as is loviing ourselves enough to change what isn't working. I think we know what we need to do it is just having the wilingness to do it. Some days that is not easy.
Hang in there, know you are not alone and don't give up!
More later, Lucy

Hi Donna, Rachel and Joanne,
All your posts have touched my heart.
As some of you know, I had open RNY on 11/02/87 when I was 39 (I am 60 now).
I  can honestly say I have a perfectly working little pouch!!   I like to tell eveyone I know who has had RNY this, because so many worry needlessly that they have somehow ruined their pouch.  For a period of time I stopped using my tool properly and started gaining weight.  I know I have very deep issues with food, and I struggle during times of stress with wanting to turn to my so-called friend (wrong food choices) for comfort.  It comforts for just a short time, and then remorse sets in because of these wrong choices.
I will have each one of you in my prayers, and I am thankful for the kind support offered on this board. Yes, WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!!
P.S:  Joanne, I LOVE your "plan A" and wish you the best for the choice you eventually will make.  Leonard and I hope to see you the first Wed. of June. Give Debbie a hug for us, hope everything is well with her.
Marion

Marion, I am so glad to see you posting. Debbie had her surgery on May 14th. She had 4 hernias instead of one. She came home on the 19th. Friday she was admitted to Washington Hospital Center thru the ER. She has an infection. I have been staying with her and going from D.C. to Salisbury. My brother is in ICU there. I have to tell you, listening to your story at the meeting has really inspired me. I have been on track even with all the stress. I pray everyday for guidance to keep me on track. I have lost 5 lbs already by letting my tool work and not feeding it carbs. Hopefully I will not have to use plan B. I look forward to seeing you and Leonard at the support group. I am bringing that friend with me even if I have to drag her. She needs to hear you talk. I am also going to try to get  her to join us here. Thanks again and please share your story on the Delaware board. We all need to hear it. You are my inspiration right now ! See you lighter. Joanne

Hi Gavriella,

Welcome to BOTT.  You have come to the right place.  We have developed a close group and it is a very special place.  I hope you hang out here often with us.

So much of what you shared could come from me or many others of us.  You are NOT alone.  I love what others have said to you in this thread.  Ditto to all of the posts from other BOTTers. 

I've learned a few things as I gained weight a few years ago during a difficult time in my own life.  I don't get hung up (or try not to) on the numbers.  I would weigh myself daily and allow the ups/downs of the scale to dictate how I felt.  That's really crazy.  Allow the scale to have that much power over me?  NOT.  I weigh once a month...sometimes twice.  For me, that is best.  I needed to break my tie to the scale.  When I was at my goal, I weighed more often but as I lost regained weight, I had to change my focus.

I also didn't look too far ahead. I focused on taking it one day at a time.  I know, we've all heard that saying many times to the point that sometimes it is a cliche.  When it comes to back on track, one day at a time really does work.  All you have to do is make good choices for today.  It is a daily commitment that I make each day now.  I took my weight loss and years of maintenance almost for granted.  Before I knew it, I'd regained too.  I thought I was "done" but it is a choice that I renew every day and sometimes throughout the day. 

Remember that you lost weight before and you can do it again.  Granted, it won't be as easy or fast as it was right after you had surgery but it can be done.  With all you have going on, try to carve out 15 minutes during the day to do something for you.  Go on a walk, get a stroller and walk your dog for a little ride, read a book, anything that nurtures YOU.  You take care of your hubby, the house, your dog so put yourself on that list too.

Hang in there with us.  Again, welcome to BOTT.

Hugs, Cathy

Hi

The other BOTTers have said some great stuff, so don't really have any other words of wisdom.  Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and there are others of us here.

Something I try and tell myself on the days that aren't so great is:

New Day , New Way.

That's the great thing - we get the chance to start over each and every day.

Ruth