Friday Reflections

Hi BOTT friends,

Do you ever find yourself dealing with someone that is acting unreasonably? I do.  She doesn't see it because she is stuck in the cycle of being right at all costs - even at the expense of a couple of people that I care about very much.  It is a hard position to be in.  No, it has been frustrating and maddening to me.

I want to make it better but I can't.  I cannot change this person even if I tried.  Of course, as we all know, we can only change ourselves.  This one has been a dificult one for me because it certainly negatively impacts me but also another person I care about.  I'm a firm believer that if you talk out a situation that you can come to an agreement and compromise.  From the incident and this person, now I know there are exceptions to that belief!

My Friday Reflection is that it is very hard to feel helpless in a situation with someone that is acting out their own stuff.  I equate that to my own food issues.  I grew up with cir****tances that I probably very much wanted to change in many ways as a little girl but I couldn't.  Again, that helpless feeling just like I've experienced this week.  There is a book by Linda Spangle "Food Is Easy, Life Is Hard" that I even love the title.  The content is wonderful too.  I recommend it.

Do I wish I could change this person?  YES!  Can I?  No.  So, the only person that I can change is me.  My change to the situation is to reduce my interaction with her and to bring it to an end as I'm able.  I don't walk away from relationships easily as I value my relationships and friendships, and even acquaintances such as with this person.  People aren't disposable.  However, when they aren't healthy and I've given it everything I can to make it positive, the best thing to do is what is best for YOU!

Surround yourself with people that are supportive, positive and reflective of your own personal values.  Part of the success from weight loss surgery is making sure that you have people in your life that are healthy themselves too.

Thanks for letting me share with all of you so openly and honestly.

Hugs, Cathy

Thanks Cathy. Think I will see if I can find that book. I know I have had to let people go because they weren't healthy for me. It is so hard, but we are stronger for it in the end.

Let me share a few things with you that I share with my clients - No one can make anyone else think, do, or feel anything - we can only invite.  It is up to the other person whether or not they accept the invitations.

It is not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us that is the source of our feelings.

Forgiving someone else is not done because what they did was right (because most of the time it was not), was not hurtful (most of the time it was) or because we "should"/  Forgiving is for ourselves - and is a necessary step in our healing.  Forviging does not mean we have to continuing interacting with the person either.

It is appropriate for the one with inappropirate behavior to be uncomfortable.  Sometimes it is their only motivation to change.

We must get our needs met if we want to give to others.  We can't "pour out of an empty pitcher" and unless we get our needs met, our "pitcher" will evenually be empty.  Getting one's needs met in a healthy way is the most unselfish thing one can do. 

Don't know if any of these truths will ring a bell with anyone *****ads them - I just felt a need to share - so I did.

Thank you so much for being you and allowing me to be me.  You are very special to me! 

I agree, Cathy, that negative people can be toxic.  I also agree that we cannot change them (that takes way too much energy, and some people really don't want to change or they are not ready to change yet) so we can only change how we react to them.   I was the type of person who would try to stick it out, usually at my own detriment....and the sad part is that sooner or later, friendships like that often explode or desintegrate.  Never again will I put myself through that.  I have learned that I am worth so much more....and so are you.  Thanks so much for sharing your experience.