Friday Reflections! Who are you and what did you do with Kathy?

We all know and understand we are going to change physically when we lose weight, that is a given.    Everyone around us is cheering us on and on the RAH RAH band wagon for us to lose weight.    But the changes in our souls are not always welcome changes from our friends, co-workers and loved ones 

We don't mean to change, but if we want to embrace the new "you" then we have to rejoice in the changes inside as well as the outside.  If we don't, we will not continue to be healthy and keep the weight off.

As we shed the pounds we find the courage and strength we have always had but was buried under all that fat.  As we celebrate the new you and live life as it was meant to be lived a strange thing happens on the way...........  all those loved ones that were cheering you on and was in your corner starts to back away, resent the "new" you and say things like, "who are  you"?  Why did you change?  You think you are so much better than me!  Where is the old Kathy, I want her back!

Most of us have been pleasers our entire lives, always putting others first and ourselves last.  As our spouses, friends and loved ones start to back off they tell us they want things to remain the same.  Conflict arises and you have the right to ask more of them, you have to be strong and fight for the new you.  If you don't then slowly but surely you will fall into old habits by pleasing everyone but yourself and before you know it you will be mourning the loss of the new, healthy, happy you....

Look in the mirror, is the new you there or the old one everyone wanted you to be?

Take care,
Kathy

I am both. the old me is here and the new me.  The 2 of them are one now.   The new me - the more confident  one - merge with the old, cuddly, friendly.  (have in mind i was always a little bit *****y and confident before RNY)
I was skinny before, I was fat, I was in between. Now I am all in one...  : happy, skinny, fat, depressed, friendly, demanding, etc. etc... and humble, for it is so easy to gain all back... I have done that before RNY, and I know that if I do not work on myself all the time now and in the future - it may happen again.... 
I swear to myself that I will try to take care of my body and my soul in best way I can. From now on, being blessed with ability to have the surgery, and ability to lose the weight - I will take care of my body - so it will take care of me in years ahead of both of us...

Challenging questions and ones I am struggling to answer.

Interestingly the first two years post wls I didn't have difficulties knowing who I was, didn't find I had changed particularly from pre wls.  but in this last year, I have really been trying to find who I really am.  I have been a people pleaser my whole life - it is the foundation for most of my relationships in life.  I have lost family relationships because I will no longer people please or accomodate or tolorate bad behaviour.  I have had to grieve over relationships that don't stand the test of time on my putting up my boundaries on what I will allow now.

But alongside that, I have been trying to come to terms with who I really am.  All the time I was obese I had the 'excuse' of being obese - when I lose weight I will/can...(fill in the blank with anything).  Now I do not have any excuse as to why I didn't get that job, why people don't like me, why I dont' try new things, etc etc etc. and I'm having to come to terms with not only realising I was using being fat as a crutch, but not having that crutch anymore.

Here I stand, me, as I am.  This is me, whether I am fat or thin or something inbetween.  I have been fat my whole life, so it is hard to accept that I have been me the whole time, not the me I have always wanted to be hiding inside.  Now I have nothing to hide behind.

It is difficult to come to terms with accepting myself as I am and not who I want to be.  If I can find acceptance with the now, I can then look with confidence and with realistic eyes to the person I want to be.

Thanks Kathy, for letting me vent this, it's something I am dealing with on a daily (minuteby minute) basis.  I know that I need to come to terms with issues surrounding this and will continue to refuse to go back to old habits which may facilitate me not only going back to old emotional lifestyle habits, but also physical lifestyle habits which will lead to me gaining the weight all back again.

Ruth