Remind me WHY I got RNY...

Even the most dedicated WLS patient slips up, relapses, or loses motivation...

I am hell-bent on making this surgery work.  I am hell-bent on getting back on track... but I have slipped up the last few days.  I have been feeling horrible lately (painful... see my signature "What is Interstitial Cystitis").  So, I've not exactly been focused on my RNY. 

I know that you can only make one change at a time (realistically).  I am in the "planning" stages of getting back on track (cleaning out the cupboards, stocking the fridge/freezer/pantry with healthy staples, etc).  I did go and buy some healthy food (fresh chicken breast, fresh veggies (I love veggies), frozen vegetables, bottled water, oatmeal, etc)... but I brought unhealthy foods into my apartment and I know better. 

Those DAMN Reece's Eggs.  I can handle having dark chocolate in my freezer.  I'll have a piece once in a while as a treat.  But peanut butter cups are a weakness of mine.  Every year, they come out with those egg shaped ones and they are 10,000X better than the original peanut butter cup.  I can't wait until Easter is over and I won't be tempted.  So... what did I do that is so bad???  I bought 3 (THREE!) packages.  I ate one package in one day (where there are SIX of these eggs per package... holy crap!)  I don't usually binge on things, but because they are labeled as "off limits" post-RNY, I guess I felt like I could eat them if I want to since I don't dump on chocolate and wanted to rebel (when I had my band, everything in moderation was my motto and as a result, I didn't overdo it on sweets or junk food... those things were rare actually).  I do dump on a few things, but not sweets.  I dump on fruit, especially in the morning... but I also can't eat fruit for a bladder reason... so I don't really have any "desserts" post-RNY and I got carried away with these old-time favorite treat once I had the taste of one. 

Anyways... kick me... remind me why I got RNY.  I know I got RNY to be healthier and unfortunately, I am sicker since my RNY... so I have a hard time saying that my RNY was worth it.  I am down between 65-75 pounds (depending on the week).  Clearly I want to lose more (oh, say another 130 pounds more).  I even had potatoes yesterday, which I have been avoiding for the most part since they are not nutrient-dense.  I am hoping to one day exercise again.  That is so important for me (health wise, sleep wise, energy wise, and weight wise).  I haven't been able to exercise in over 2 years.  I saw my pain doctor  yesterday and he has me on a new plan.  So... maybe one day soon I can start doing some light exercise (Yoga, water walking, etc).  I hope so...

Sigh... it is around 4:45am and hopefully I can fall asleep soon (I have trouble with insomnia lately).  The lack of sleep is not making food choices any easier.  I am also ravenous, all the time.  Even when I am eating high protein, low carb meals (no, RNY did nothing for my hunger... I'm one of the unlucky few that has post-op hunger trouble regardless of the kind of diet).  Vitamins are torture (it is what caused the severe pain the last few days). 

I am heading off to bed and then I hope tomorrow is a better day food wise.  Protein has been low the last few days on top of the higher intake of sugary treats. 

I guess I could use a kick in the butt, reassurance that slip ups are normal, that I can do this, that I will feel better one day and feel grateful for this surgery.  I wish I could just stop eating all together.  I hate to admit this, but I am jealous of anorexics.  I get so little pleasure out of food.  Salad is one of my favorite foods and I could take it or leave it these days.  The PB eggs tasted good, but not as good as they used to.  Two things I have been craving (and can't eat... they don't go past my stoma) are pickles and deli turkey or ham, but alas, that obstructs me (every time).   I really wish I could eat those again :(

I'm just feeling a total lack of motivation the last few days and I don't want to fall off the wagon (I have been working so hard to make positive changes... I'm not ON TRACK, but I don't want to undo the positive changes that I have made recently).  Shake some sense into me?  Thank you!

Welcome!!! I'm so glad you have chosen to join us as BOTTer.  I hope you find this site as helpful as I have.  These are undoubtedly the most caring, supportive, accepting folks I've every come across.  I call them "angels in disguise as humans"

OK - the last thing you need (or will get here) is a kcick in the butt   You've already tried that and it hasn't worked. 

For goodness sakes, DON'T GIVE UP CHOC!!!!! (I mean, what would happen if we gave up the one food absolutely essential to sustaining life????? )  I have choc chewable calcium, choc protein powder, choc soy milk (8th Continent brand is lowest in calories), and all different varieties of individual servings of Jello 60-calorie puddings (in the cooler near the yogurt).  First, give you eggs (monstrous liittle devils aren't they - I have a real problem passing by the Reester Bunny because I think the name is so clever - a real sensible reason for non compliance, wouldn't you say???   The mailman, your "Aunt Tillie" , your skinny friend (or even better, your skinny enemy ), the dumpster, or just anyone who wouldn't be afraid to accept them from a stranger.  It's going to save you money in the long run to just get rid of them - plus it will be a real boost to your self esteem.

Make a commitment to compliance for 5 minutes, celebrate at the end of that 5 minutes (don't you dare wait until the end of the day to celebrate ) then for the next 5 minutes etc etc etc. - celbrating every step of the way

WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER - YES WE CAN

Oh yes, someone posted about a product called PB2 - I've ordered it.  You might want to look into that.  Not the real thing, but they said it was close.  It's also available in PB2 choc.  but I figured I could mix the powder with some DaVinci surgar free choc syrup and save ordering two kinds (minimum order of each kind is 4) 

Please excuse - I seem to be able to think of only one thing at a time LOL

Love yourself, nurture yourself, be kind and gentle (but firm) with yourself.

Have a wonderful BOTT day. 

((((Alyssa))))

I just wanted to give you a hug, not a kick.   The fact that you're posting here is a good thing!  It means that you are not giving up.  Everyone has days (at least I do) where they don't eat the best foods or where they might have "slip ups". 

I love this board because it is called "Back On Track".  Staying on track is an awesome thing.  But, sometimes, we fall off.  We don't have to stay off track, though.  Just take one meal, one snack....at a time - and don't beat yourself up for eating chocolate!  Try to plan a little of it in your diet, if you have to do it.   You should enjoy what you eat! 

If you find that that chocolate is totally taking control like an addiction, then that's another story and you might have to find other ways to deal with it.  I have had that problem before where moderation with chocolate just wasn't working.  I had  to reason with myself, and talk myself out of binging with chocolate like a person addicted to alcohol might do.  You will find what works best for you. 

Just know that all of us are here for support, and if we didn't need support ourselves, we wouldn't be here.   Posting here is so important because...it will help to keep you on track or to help you get back on it if you should fall off.