Why can't we just eat when we're hungry?

Gee, I could have written this post except that I am 55. Jana

Hi Shannon,  You will love this one... I eat out of insecurity.  For the last 20 years I have been so stupid in relationships, never having any expectations, and always setting myself up for failure.  So, of course, I thought the weight loss would solve all.  I've lost the weight, I feel so healthy and I have expectations for the first time.  I am dating someone who didn't know me heavy and couldn't possibly understand how insecure I am underneath from my past.  Once again, I find out I am not in a relationship with someone who wants commitment and to be a family.  It's killing me and I eat all the time.  I have managed to gain 4 lbs which is practically impossible in the first year after VSG.  I am doing the Move to Lose thread to hopefully get me back on track and stop the viscous cycle.  You are not alone!  I graze every waking hour.....  Hugs, Robin

Hi Robin, I too have had many issues with insecurity....it had a HUGE reign over my life for many many years, and in some aspects still does.... I think it's all the hurt many of us have been through. 

But please don't lose hope! You have made some GREAT triumphs, go ahead and set those standards high in what you want in a relationship, you are worth it, very much so.   You deserve to be loved, cherished, and be put on a pedastal.  Don't ever doubt that. 

Shannon, your post really struck me--about being in a relationship with somone who didn't know you heavy and doesn't realize about your insecurities.  I feel similar when I meet someone who didn't know me pre-wls.   If I actually end up being around this person on an on-going basis, I feel like I need to tell him/her about my fat self somewhere along the line (not that I necessarily follow through; in fact, I usually don't)--I think just cause my obesity was so much a part of who I was/am.  It's like I almost feel like an imposter unless I reveal this about myself!   (I don't particularly need to reveal my wls--although I don't mind telling--, just the fact of my former MO)!  Mind you, it's not to brag in any way; it just seems like such an essential thing that "explains me"!  

The post I just replied to you . . . it's meant for you, Zeldarin, and I used Shannon's name . .  .

Shannon-

Welcome!!

Many of us can relate to exactly what you said. There are many emotional triggers for eating.

Part of my "getting back on track" strategy was to finally get into therapy to deal with the emotional triggers and issues that have been with me for a lifetime. I'm working with an eating disorders program and see a therapist, a dietician and a psychiatrist. It's hard work, but it's necessary work.

There is a very real chemical changes in our brains when we eat. It literally makes us feel better, however brief that is. The problem is that it starts a vicious cycle because we usually feel guilt and anxiety about our not-so-good food choices. In our brains, it restarts the thought process of thinking badly about ourselves and we think "what made me feel better the last time I felt bad?" Why, it's food!! So we eat and start the cycle all over again.

My therapist gave me a great analogy. Emotional eating is like a well-traveled road. Think of the route you take to get to work. Do you take a different road every day? No, you take the one that you know. It's automatic and you know that it will get you where you need to go. You don't even have to consciously think about which turns to take. It's automatic.

Our drive to treat emotions with food is the same thing. It's what we know. It's the quickest route to feeling better. It's automatic. That's not to say that it can't be changed. Many of us need therapy to make these lasting changes. But it takes a lot of work and practice and a willingness to completely surrender to the therapy process.

I'll admit that there have been days when I've left the therapist and drove directly to the local bakery. But again, this is a process.

You've come to the right place. I hope you find the support and direction you need take control of your life.

Wendy

Hi Wendy!  Your post just hit me like a ton of bricks... the analogy about driving to work has really struck me.... what a great way to think about that as I didn't think about that before.  That really does put things into perspective.

I have truly thought about therapy for my emotional eating... what really stinks is that I actually was able to replace for 3 years my emotional eating with some form of exercise or weight lifting, but that has come to a screeching halt due to a rather painful back problem that I have developed.  This past weekend I tried to get back into exercise and a bit of light weight training, and I couldn't walk the next day.... I feel so broken and lost...

An excellent post, Wendy.  The analogy of driving to work (or anywhere) makes perfect sense.    And the paragraph about how we continue in the cycle of eating to feel better (or to deal with virtually anything), then feeling lousy about it, then either consciously or unconsciously eating again . . . I've heard this a million times and truly believe & understand it, but I so often fall into that old behavior.

Thanks for giving me something to think about again!

OMG!!! Shannon,
How did you a hold of my personal journal...the one I carry in my pocketbook to write down my thoughts and feelings during the day.

I eat when I am stressed at work or home.  Tasks looming, financial issues, feeling overwhelmed.

I eat when I am upset with someone, or if someone has hurt my feelings, or out of guilt.

I eat when I'm lonely and feel helpless.  I eat after I cry.  I eat when I am bored. 

I eat when I'm having a great time with friends, and we're all just eating crap together. 

Trust me sweetie, I think sometimes we're all on an emotional roller coaster.  On Tuesday, I was called into work early.  Before I got there I had to call in and listen to a conference call from the President of the company.  He was basically laying the foundation telling us about the layoffs and the reason behind them.  There had been speculation and rumors for months, but you try to put that type of rumor out of your head.  My emotions just too over, and by the time I got too work not only was I wreck, but I began to DUMP!  They laidoff 75 people and I was spared the cut.

I still have not recovered fully, I'm still going through some kind of emotional trip and trying to stay with my eating program and its hard.  I know how you feel and I know exactly what you're saying.
I think you will find help here at BOTT.

Genie

Genie! I am so glad to hear that you were spared that cut!! Wow, that would send me into a downward spiral, but I am so INCREDIBLY proud of you for working through this, I know you can make it through this and stay on your plan.  I think of Wendy's post about driving to work, don't take that different road today, you can stay on the road to get you where you want to be! 

Keep it up Genie!!