I'm Feeling Fat

Just went to the restroom here at work and looked in the mirror - not a good move for me.  It is cold here (now I know to some of you 34 degrees with a wind chill of 27 would be a heat wave, but in the panhandle of Florida, that's COLD) and the shell I'm wearing under a heavier-than-usual jacket is ribbed.  Because it is ribbed, it kind of clings and shows off my midriff roll.

And just before I looked in the mirror, I was feeling so good about myself and then BAM the mirror reared it's ugly head.  Just have to change my negative self-talk if I want to change my feelings.  So here goes:

This IS NOT real - this is just my imagination.  My midriff IS NOT a measure of my worth.  I WILL NOT let this discourage me!  I WILL NOT stray from staying on track!    I WILL NOT belittle myself in my head.  I WILL be gentle and nurturing to myself.  I WILL remember there are at least 399 BOTTers out there who understand and care. 

Thank you so much for being there.  You make all the difference in the world!  WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER, YES WE CAN (and I'm part of that "WE") 

I wish for each and every one of us  peace and joy with who we are.

Wow Dejavu or whatever it is!   I was just thinking how fat I am!  I am bundled for the 7 degree weather here.  Won't even talk windchill!

I still can't convince my mind that I am smaller, that a size 10 or medium is NOT the same as a 5-6X  but what I do when this type of stinking thinking gets really bad is go to my photo album, either at OH or on my computer and take a good long look at the before and after pics.

It gives me peace for the moment and hopefully in the long run, I can retrain my brain into believeing it!

But the really odd thing is that when I least expect it, I will see myself in a window, door or mirror unexpectedly and usually when I am not at home and wonder who is that lady?  I don't recognize myself.

I try not to measure myself by my size but occasionally the brain runs away with things.   sighhh It will get better!  It really will!

Sounds to me like we share one serious fact - WE ARE HUMAN    LOL

Thanks for responding.  I feel better already and plan to pull my shell down smooth before I look in the mirror next time.  Why on earth would I be needing BOTT if I had stayed on track - go figure.

Hi Happylapbander,

Great self-talk.  You are right on every single point you writen in your post.  Quite honestly, I need it too.  I think from years of being overweight, weight struggles, we have an imprint in our brains that takes awhile to change.  I also think some of us (me!) when we tend to lose we get pickier about what we see in the mirror.  It is weird, when I was morbidly obese, I tended to see myself small than I was (BIG denial) but as I've gotten smaller, I saw myself heavier than I was.  It gets better as you get used to how you truly look.

I'm right there with you on all the things you're saying to yourself.  You are 100% correct.  Some of the negative self-talk is a set up to getting off track.  You are more powerful and don't let those nasty gremlins (negative self-talk, critical messages) get to you.  Talk right back to that negative talk and say just what you would say to another BOTTer.  You were so supportive of me and my boxes, and were really there for me.  Say those same things to yourself.  They made a difference to me and I know they will for you too.

Let us know how your day goes.  I'm thinking of you.  Feel free to PM anytime.

Cathy

WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!!!   Thanks so much for your caring and support - all things are possible with caring and support.   Have no fear, I'll sure keep in touch!   I'm in a much better place in my head than when I posted - just knew I needed to say it to someone and accept the help I knew would come.

Its weird how some days I can feel so good about myself and other days I feel terrible about my appearance. I do believe that we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves to look a certain way and that kind of negative self talk only makes things worse. I'm so proud of you for using self talk in a positive way and for reaffirming for youself how far you've come and how beautiful you are! Great Job! And you are correct, we CAN do this together!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for responding.  You caring and support mean so much!!!!  I'm happy to say I'm in a much better place in my head now that when I posted.  Just knew I had to tell someone and then accept the support I knew would come.  Again, thanks so much!

Way to go girl.  I admire your self talk.  I'm taking notes here....lol   You can do it, and I know you will succeed. 

It's strange that after years of obesity, we can only see ourselves that way.  Even when we step on the scale, put on that smaller size or get compliments some I us can never shake the "fat girl" mentality.  (I'm the worlds worst at this).

I hope you have a lovely day honey!  Chin up!  I can admit that I'm afraid that no matter how skinny I get, I will always feel fat :(  So, your not alone.....by any means.

Huggs!

Ash :)

OH Boy, am I having flash backs...During my weight loss I swear it was not losing.  I just didn't SEE IT    I saw the numbers on the scale but just didn't see it.  I saw the small sizes clothes but didn't see it  

I had lost 50 lbs, 100 lbs, and 150 lbs and didn't see it.  What happen to help me see it?  I took photos of me each month and left them in the camera.  Once I printed them and put them side by side in the fridge in my purse and on my desk top I saw it   It was like a Big WOW moment, I finally saw it.  I was smaller, I had lost the weight, I was NOT THAT FAT PERSON anymore  

Try using this and see if it helps....

Take care,
Kathy

Thanks for your suggestion.  It's now 8:37 p.m. and I'm on my way to be (I get up at 4:40 am to get to work by a little after 6:00 so go to bed early) and I have stayed on track all through the day.

Don't know whether I would have made it all alone - but THANK GOODNESS I didn't have to.  All the caring and support here made an enormous difference!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks so much to each of you angels in disguise as humans BOTTers