Overwhelmed and needing to vent

Hello all.  My name is Michelle.  I had RNY surgery about 8 years ago (I'd have to look for the exact date).  I was pretty successful, I went from 311 to 290ish.  Felt wonderful and happy.  A series of life events began tumbling down (heart surgery for my then 13 year old son, hysterectomy, then another surgery and then death of my son in 2012).  I have since gained ALL of my weight back and feel terrible.  Guilt and shame prevented me from even considering a revision (my family dedicated a lot of money for that surgery****il now.  I know I have to live for my remaining children and my husband and frankly I am afraid that won't happen.  I long to be with my son that passed more than my desire for my next breath, but I know that is not why God took him and left me here.  I have to get a grip and take care of the family I have and my size is honestly beginning to interfere with that.  Obesity Help was a daily support "back in the day" and today I felt a strong need to join back with others who understand the struggle and pain of being overweight (morbidly obese, such a beautiful term).  I need a place to go without being shamed but supported.  BTW, my husband is WONDERFUL and very supportive.  Encourages me and assures me I am beautiful to him no matter what, but he IS concerned for my health.  Thank you all for taking the time to read.  I don't even know where to begin on a revision.  We have insurance going into affect June 1st so I guess a consultation will be coming up soon, but I don't know with who yet.  Previous surgeon was not supportive and was in my opinion unethical but I was not aware of that until after my surgery and another issue was brought to light and discovered it was originally discovered in my labs prior to my RNY.  That is neither here nor there and I'm not bitter about that by any means, just explaining why that surgeon is no longer an option for me.  Again, thank you for reading.  Comments please.

311 to 190ish, not 290ish

Hi there.   It sounds like you've had a really difficult road- it's good that you are turning back to this supportive group.  I've been away for a long time too. 

Did you have your consultation yet?  How did it go? 

I go for my consultation this Friday.  Praying the doctor won't take one look at me and say oh heck no, you had your chance.