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My wife still fearsI am going to have surgery and than leave her. I keep telling her she is wrong assure her I here forever but it does no good. I fear if she keeps feeling and acting the way she is she will push me too far.
Sounds like me. Did you work with a counselor to stop stuffing your feelings or learn to do it on your own?
No my wife is not overweight she has been sick for a long time and a stroke 5 years ago. She has her challenges and I think she is worried I will leave her if I loose alot of weight. She is against me having surgery she says I am crazy. I am doing this for myself I am being selfish I want to know what it is like to be normal.
I was not being noisy when I asked about your husband I was told this surgery can cause relationships\marriages marriage problems. I hope you are doing well in your journey. Joe
Hi cmcelfish,
I know that my husband had expressed some concerns about me losing weight and then leaving him. However, he's been supportive of the weight loss since it's begun. (His depression and moodiness are more connected to him being unemployed at the moment.)
Is your wife worried about you losing more weight? Not to be too invasive, but is your wife overweight and maybe projecting?
Take care,
-LB
I've Come Too Far To Take Orders From A Piece of Bread.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
Surgery 7/27/15
44 lbs lost
I'm feeling really tired today, had an intense workout yesterday and then dealing with some upsetting family news. I was planning on just going home after work and skipping the gym, but I won't.
Why?
Because if I go home, I have to deal with a depressed, moody husband and walk on eggshells all evening.
So, when faced with either swimming while utterly exhausted or going home, I'm doing the former.
Bad Marriages: Spurring WLS Folks To The Gym For Years!™ *eyeroll*
And off I go,
-LB
I have a question is your husband depressed because you are loosing weight. I am just starting my journey going from a band to a sleeve. I ask because my wife is going E greet she tells me how stupid I am for wanting this surgery .
I'm feeling really tired today, had an intense workout yesterday and then dealing with some upsetting family news. I was planning on just going home after work and skipping the gym, but I won't.
Why?
Because if I go home, I have to deal with a depressed, moody husband and walk on eggshells all evening.
So, when faced with either swimming while utterly exhausted or going home, I'm doing the former.
Bad Marriages: Spurring WLS Folks To The Gym For Years!™ *eyeroll*
And off I go,
-LB
I've Come Too Far To Take Orders From A Piece of Bread.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
Surgery 7/27/15
44 lbs lost
It sounds like you've been communicating with him openly about both of your feelings on it, and I'd recommend continuing to do that throughout the whole process, especially when the weight starts to come off. My own husband is 22 years my senior, so I know somewhat where you're coming from. He used to be afraid that all the men would flock to me and I'd leave him for a younger man, and for three years was adamant I not have it. He finally relented, though, after I wound up in the E.R. with a weight related issue. (I had my surgery just under two months ago, so yay!)
Since the surgery, I've been showering him with love and affection and letting him know that not only do I love him, but that I need him in my life. It seems to have soothed him.
I will be honest, though, about the difference in my situation. Our marriage (7 years) has been rocky. My decision to go forward whether he wanted it or not coincided with my eyes being opened that I'm in a highly dysfunctional and abusive relationship. I won't go into detail here, as I'll be posting a thread later, but I am planning on leaving him as soon as I'm physically independent and have the finances saved.
All that said, honest communication and show of love will help. If your relationship is already strong, then it will only get stronger. Mine was weak, and well... *rolls eyes*
Hope this helped!
The more you know,
-LB
I've Come Too Far To Take Orders From A Piece of Bread.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
Surgery 7/27/15
44 lbs lost
Subject line should bring up a few issues, huh? My thought process on the whole WLS as far as my relationship goes.... I will be more confident and comfortable again to the point where I will want to go out in public. Right now, I hate going anywhere. I remind myself that he will feel better with a more confident me. I want him to hold his head up high as we are walking along together and think in his head "Yes, and she is my woman". I want him to have that feeling again. I want to give that to him. I know he loves me, we've talked about our feelings throughout the process but I can't help but think he is still a bit scared. Hell, I'm scared too but for completely different reasons. Advice? Thoughts? Experiences?
I'm Mexican and would not take my teen daughter to Mexico for surgery I just had the vertical sleeve and honestly in two weeks she could be ready for school i would have her surgery local that way she has good after care ect it's not a cure it's a tool and she will be needing follow-up care if she goes to mexico she may have problems finding a doctor for her after care and a primary care doctor wont cut it. But that's just my opinion. Your better off doing it on Christmas break or thanks giving it's a keyhole surgery so healing is faster she will be miserable the first two weeks but then shell be rareing to go.
Elia Maria Saenz
After I lost the weight, my husband seemed to be backing away from me. Later he admitted he was, because he said I did not feel the same,(or look the same.) He said he felt as if he were cheating with a thin woman, on his wife (me!) Remember, he needs to get adjusted to a rapid change in your body, too.
