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Oh and thanks for the good luck, I'm ready I'm really done with all this waiting around business LOL.
Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16
The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.
Have you tired to walk him through some of your old photos and tell him about what you were doing and maybe some of the challenges of being overweight at each stage in your life. Maybe if he sat with you and listened to you tell the story picture by picture he could at least imagine you at that time.
I hope you didn't think I have asking you to get over it, you have a couple choices. Keep at this which is obviously hitting a brick wall which is why I was like maybe you could just accept it as a fault. That seems possibly less stressful. It doesn't seem like from what you said that it's at a point where you've leave him over it but sometimes a pebble in a shoes can make a big ol mess so nipping this in the bud now if you can't manage to accept this as a fault is the better thing for the long run.
Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16
The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. No, he doesn't tease people, nor does he act racist to people. But he finds basically all jokes funny and will perpetuate them. I'm totally the opposite and my work is a lot about changing these kinds of attitudes and behaviors -- so it's really frustrating all around. As for letting it go -- as I said before -- at 61 years old, after being humiliated until I was 50 years old, and even writing my graduate thesis on this, being an activist on this issue -- OMG -- it's so infuriating. He would go to marriage counseling, but I don't think he would get it even after THAT. And it's not that he is meaning to be mean. It just does not compute -- it's like I'm explaining alternate side of the street parking to a cranberry!
I see you are having a procedure very soon. I wish you the best of luck!
Marla a/k/a Feistyemm
Surgery Date: 4/21/2005; HW: 333/ SW: 271/ CW:133/ GOAL: 150 or UNDER
Highest BMI: 54.7; BMI Now: 22.6 -- Jeans before surgery: 32. Now: 6
PS: 2006/7 LBL, Bracheoplasty & Upper Thigh Lift. 8/2012: UBackLift & Breast Implants
(redone 3 times). 7/17/18: vertical thigh lift (needs to be redone - left too much skin) &
replacement of 1 breast implant due to rupture (still needs to be fixed due to placement). 
Man that's a hard one. Sounds like one of those crazy things that someone no matter the amount you talk about it will get it. I think it might just be he's never known you as fat. To him it might seem weird to be upset about something that's not even like you at all. Not that this makes his behavior right. It's not funny to make fun of people for reasons like color or sexual orientation either. He he does make fun of those groups too this may not change for him. He sounds like a great guy otherwise and if he's not saying the jokes to others or directing them at large people then maybe you can shelf this as an annoying habit about him like snoring, or leaving his socks on the floor. It's painful I'm sure but if he just won't get it after some serious talks about it then maybe letting it go for your own sanity is for the best.
Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16
The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.
I lost 185 lbs 11 years ago. I married my husband 3-1/2 years ago. He knows my story, but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other! I have expressed to him over and over and over that this is an important issue for me no matter what I weigh now. I am MILITANT about it. But no matter how much I say it, and I NEVER let it pass, he does not digest this information. He thinks it's silly, saying "I used to weigh 360 and fat jokes never bothered me - what's the big deal? You have to admit that was funny!"
I want to make clear that he is a wonderful 66 year old man who loves me to death (I'm 61). He would step in front of a truck to save my life. He calls to say "I love you" all day long. He would want to kill someone who said something mean to me. He just doesn't understand this at all! Having been teased and laughed at for 50 years before losing 185 lbs 11 years ago, I can't imagine "forgetting about it and letting it go." I can't imagine not being an activist. I'm a HS guidance counselor and my eyes and ears are always open for all bullying, but I watch for this a bit more than others.
Forgive my bluntness, but if you're going to just say "Oh, get over it!," don't waste a response. I'm cranky today.
Marla a/k/a Feistyemm
Surgery Date: 4/21/2005; HW: 333/ SW: 271/ CW:133/ GOAL: 150 or UNDER
Highest BMI: 54.7; BMI Now: 22.6 -- Jeans before surgery: 32. Now: 6
PS: 2006/7 LBL, Bracheoplasty & Upper Thigh Lift. 8/2012: UBackLift & Breast Implants
(redone 3 times). 7/17/18: vertical thigh lift (needs to be redone - left too much skin) &
replacement of 1 breast implant due to rupture (still needs to be fixed due to placement).
Please consider my liking your post as a hug. WLS changes so much, and the support of your spouse is so important. I'm glad you have been able to be successful through the whole process. Good luck to you!
Age: 44 | Height: 5' 3" | Starting January 2015: 291 | RNY 8/4/15 with Dr. Arthur Carlin| Goal: 150
Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. ~Proverbs 19:20
Sorry all that happened and you're totally right. My partner during my first surgery was on board but not really. They were skinny and fit and could eat all the fast food they wanted. So my good habits slowly slipped back into bad habits pretty easily. I begged that they help with groceries and eating out but it was always short lived. I don't think they wanted to keep me fat, but they really weren't into helping either.
The good news is I got a divorce and met someone new who happens to be chubby too and is on board with weight loss for us both. I am happy to report I'm going to have a revision next month and there's been a lot of internal changes in my head that has made me better at understanding food. I've also found out that talking about my issues and asking for help has helped me a lot with planning for this surgery.
Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16
The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.
Hey Peeps,
Just adding a bit of my story with words of wisdom for the wives undergoing WLS. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to your surgery because it will make a major difference in your relationship as your body undergoes this transformation. Unfortunately, me and my husband were not on the same page and I did it anyway because I was unhealthy, in pain, on six different medications and miserable but he wanted me fat. I discovered through my group meetings the issues were not mine but in fact his. He had low self esteem and we already had marital challenges before the surgery. When I defied him and had the surgery against his will, that was kind of the beginning of the end. My surgery is three years old now and I feel and look amazing. But my marriage did not survive my metamorphosis. In the process I've lost a step daughter who decided she was going to go live with her mom and completely shut me out of her life and I lost my husband who now says he has found someone new and is happy. Haven't seen her but I bet she is full figured.
Nevertheless, words of wisdom, communicate with your spouse, make sure you are on the same page concerning your surgery, because this journey is rewarding but traumatic. Be blessed and I hope this helps someone.
Much Love - Violet
My doctor said the RNY would last at least 25 years, the sleeve may not. I would not do Mexico due to possible complications. I am sure she is suffering and my heart goes out to her. Good Luck to you and whatever you choose. Your family is in my prayers.
