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I am in the early stages of planning WLS. I went to a seminar & have my appointment scheduled with the surgeon October 7th. Me & My husband of 19yrs along with my 15yr old twins are big foodies. My husband has a history of gaining & losing weight. He has run in the NYC marathon in the past. My kids are a healthy normal weight. Currently my husband is overweight & over eating. Sometimes I look at what he eats & I shake my head. I told him I am worried about our relationship after my surgery if he continues to eat the way he eats & I can't. He says "we've been through a lot together in the past(infertility & IVF) & we'll make it through this". Please help with any advice!!!!!
I think you need to see a counselor. You can figure out if you do still love this man, why you married him in the first place, and if you can work through the changes to save the marriage or not.
You have changed a lot, obviously... but change is OK, and two people can work through that together if you get help in that arena.
Good luck. Marriage isn't easy, it takes work on both sides.
Height 5'5" HW 260 SW 251 CW 141.6 (2/27/18)
RNY 5-16-16 Pre-Op 9lbs, M1-18.5lbs, M2-18.1lbs, M3-14.8lbs, M4-10.4lbs, M5-9.2lbs, M6-7lbs, M7-6.2lbs, M8-8.8lbs,M9-7.8lbs, M10-1 lb, M11-.6lbs, M12-4.4lbs
Why are you jealous? Is it because he's lost weight and you haven't and you need to? Or is it because he looks good and you're jealous of other women?
I feel like I am stuck. I have been married to a great man for three years now he has supported me so mug through all of this but I don't feel the way I did before about lie marriage. Before surgery I was severally depressed not only has surgery help me with my weight but it has help me feel ...free. like my weight is no longer holding me back I don't need to depend on anyone I can have a life and be Happy but how do explain this I'm not even sure I'm explaining it correctly now. All I know is I don't want to be married anymore. Any advice?
i try to be so supportive but i guess i have feelings of jelousy and hatred that i never thought i would have and i feel bad that i do. i want to not even be around him since his surgery. i feel like a bad wife and person..
Hi Sue
Clean the junk out of the house.
look at recommendations for food he can eat...usually dietician will give a list
be supportive
don't force food or make suggestions
be ready for roller coaster of emotions
body changes are normal
libido may tank
when he is full believe him
encourage exercise.....walk first
food tolerances change and what he liked before could change
shopping for clothes can be rough...buy on sale
i needed help showering for first two weeks...those little stitches hurt when you pull too much
sitting on the toilet hurt like hell too..didn't realize how low it was
pack your patience
breathe
Be happy for him!
rejoice in his weight loss as well as his NSV (non scale victories)
be open with compliments...men like to hear it too
give him time to adjust
Help,him find good,things to eat...snacks, meals
try not to eat crap in front of him...I told my husband he better hide it or I would throw it away!
hope that helps...
Hello Everyone.
My husband is having sleeve surgery on June 15th and I have a ton of questions for people willing to help me with them.
My first question is what do I need as a spouse during this time??
Thanks
Sue
Yea.. it is not funny... There is a difference between being funny and making fun of someone... I don't like the later...
why do you think that is? he is showing lack of compassion for people. that would concern me...
why does he think it is oK do do that? what about people with mental illness? how about disabled people?
I think I would try to find out why he feels it is OK? if he was heavy at one time - he probably made jokes about himself- it is known deflection method - "if i laugh - tell jokes about myself - they will leave me alone..."I know I've done it in the past... to pretend it does not bother me that much...
If he is great guy - is he great to you , or to other people also - i.e. servers, random strangers...etc?
I would try to find out why he does think "fat jokes" are Ok - funny...
Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG
"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"
"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."
on 3/16/16 7:44 pm
Ultimately the surgery is about you doing what's best for you personally. You can't be good for others unless you are good for yourself first and foremost. After that, your loved ones, whose needs you normally probably put ahead of your own, have to accept that this time your needs come first. Your health and long term well being depend on it.
Unfortunately I have shown him my before pictures. "Whoaaaaaaa" was not exactly the reaction I was going for. He's been clear that if he met me then, he would not have been interested. After all, the pictures he posts on Facebook pretty much look like I used to look. However, he has said that now that he knows me and loves me, he would love me at any weight. Luckily, I have no intention of finding out if that is true. No, I'm not leaving him over it...
Be well!
Marla a/k/a Feistyemm
Surgery Date: 4/21/2005; HW: 333/ SW: 271/ CW:133/ GOAL: 150 or UNDER
Highest BMI: 54.7; BMI Now: 22.6 -- Jeans before surgery: 32. Now: 6
PS: 2006/7 LBL, Bracheoplasty & Upper Thigh Lift. 8/2012: UBackLift & Breast Implants
(redone 3 times). 7/17/18: vertical thigh lift (needs to be redone - left too much skin) &
replacement of 1 breast implant due to rupture (still needs to be fixed due to placement). 
