George, I would be your wife's best friend at this point. If you have children, you should be there for them constantly- offer to do the driving around for their activities. Go over unannounced and mow the lawn, or change the oil in her car or clean up the yard.... in other words, show random acts of responsibility and kindness WITHOUT begging for conversation or making long-winded apologies. Just show that you are committed to being the responsible husband that she needs. Be patient. The best of all relationships come from friendships, so if you put the emotional stuff aside for now and focus on being her friend, she may recall the reasons that she fell in love with you in the first place. Do you cook? Make up some of her meals and put them in containers and bring them by; tell her that you know she must be pressed for time now that she is living on her own and having to do everything her self, and tell her that you wanted to help out by cutting some time-consuming things off of her schedule. In other words, in a nutshell, be thoughtful, be patient, be her best friend, and most importantly... suck up the sadness and do it with a smile. Self-pity is unappealing, so even if you are hurting, try not to show it. Lay it on a counselor or a friend, and save all of your smiles and laughs for her.

Hey I'm 9 weeks out and my husband has taken off 40 lbs. He has been extremely supportive of me and with him and my son both on diets....our lives are better

My wife is a little over a year out and she likes and feels great. We or I feel you are discribing us as you discribed you husband. We Just got home from the richmond conferance.It was a blast, Minus some snags with my wife but that goes to show you. Good marrages can and do stay good. I only advice I can give you is to not forget the support your husband gave you before and after the surgury, And to let them go this journey with you.

Replying to myself... My wife is nearly 3 weeks out from her lap RNY. She's doing great and as of her two week mark had lost 16 lb (she's adamant about only weighing herself once per week). You can already see the changes in her face. As for myself, I HAVE lost some weight. Approx 5 lb out of the 15 or 20 that I eventually want to lose. At 5'4", I'd have to weigh 145 lb, but I think that may be too scrawny-- I'll know when I get where I want to be.

This is something that kind of bothers me. I know my self confidence rose greatly. Women hit on me quite often after I lost much of my weight.(picture on here is not current at all) What bothered me most was my wife still didn't seem to take notice or care. One of the things I wanted most from my weightloss, other than to stop my back and knees hurting, was a better sex life with my wife. I had always figured that my being so heavy turned her off. But alas, that was not to happen. I felt slighted and hurt. So yes, I did step outside the box and reached for someone who did notice that I had changed and actually looked good. Was I wrong, of course. Did I need it, definately. Oh, before you condemn me, she had had an ongoing affair that lasted the better part of 9 years before hand. Not that I had known it at the time, but I was able to forgive her as she has supposedly forgiven me. What I think many spouses forget is that for so long, we have felt neglected or self concious about our weight. We've been made fun of, told that we're too fat, too ugly, etc etc. When all we want is for those who love us to embrace us for the courage to change and make ourselves better physically as well as emotionally. My wife was not happy about me having the surgery. She's overweight as well, but won't do anything about it. I don't make it an issue because I know what I felt like. I don't know what she thinks but I do think she's afraid to say it. What I do know is that no matter how much weight I lose, I may never be good enough in her eyes. I'm somewhat envious of couples I see who seem so into each other. I often wonder, to myself and to my wife, what we could do to be like that. Who knows?