I have hopeful news for you, I think. First, you are still in your first year, and the hyper-viligence you have now will, with time, develop into an educated-I can do this mindset. I do not recommend eating out often until you have your maintainance game plan in place and know that it is working for you. I ate out very little during the first year-it was just too complicated. With every new menu, I had to play 20 questions with the wait staff and they would have to go ask the kitchen - and it did take all the fun out of it.

I am now in maint for 1.5 years. I can eat out - Applebees has become a go to place. There are several grilled options for beef, chx, fish or seafood. Steamed veggies for salad for sides. They post calories counts and they are handy with the left-over box. It feels like I have rejoined civilization. You can also search many menus on line and develop one or two rest that everyone can go to.

Second, you are going through lots of changes in the first year post-op, I would suggest seeing a therapist. Not necessarily a marriage therapist, but someone who has worked with WLS patents (our peeps) and understands the many effects of this rapid bodily change may have on our lives and relationships.

Hang in there.

Hi! My husband is also 28 years older than me. We have been married for thirty years. I moved out of our home last year, and now we get along much better but I'm not sure we will be able to save the marriage.

My decision to have weight loss surgery is health related, and my health was what pushed us apart. Well, my health was the final shove...

We started to get marriage therapy in 1996, and stuck to it off and on for almost 20 years! I believe that if two people really love each other, they can make a marriage work, but now I realize that isn't enough. My husband loves me, but not in a way that motivates him to compromise. I love my husband and I will compromise for him, but after trying to make "his way" work for years, I realize that I'm just wired differently.

After getting some space, I've realized how much I want to be healthy and strong and that part of that is getting this weight off for good. I wish I'd done this twenty years ago!

I'm definitely going to keep couples massage on the agenda. She loves massages. I could take them or leave them, but haven't had one in probably 20 years so I'm willing to give it another shot! Thanks for the ideas.

He was not worthy of YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what - that is a great idea about preparing in advance!  In fact, it's another way I can help out.  Once a month, I prepare all of my lunches - I make up 3-4 different dishes, divide them into individual containers, and freeze them.  It would be little trouble for me to make a few extra dishes up in advance (or even double portion what I'm already making).  That might ease the burden a little.

Also a great idea about the pedicures!  I will be honest, most of her hobbies revolve around food.  She goes out to lunch with her girlfriends almost daily, and usually goes out to dinner with them 1-2 nights a week.  That being said, she is addicted to her mani/pedis.  Not something I ever really considered, but perhaps it's worth a shot as a date night activity.  Perhaps mani/pedis and some clothes/shoe shopping would be a great replacement (the key here will be get agreement that this is a REPLACEMENT, and not IN ADDITION TO) for dinner out.

Awesome tips, thanks - exactly what I was looking for.  If you have any other ideas of what you've forced your husband to do, please share :-) !!  I'm pretty open minded and willing to try just about anything.