WLS Spouses Forum

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amystiles
on 12/17/09 12:18 pm

Hey there, I am actually up right now, can't sleep, because my husband and I just had a huge talk about me being concerned about him slipping. It sounds so similar to your post, just like you, he lost the weight, very quickly, and was so focused and things were going great. This summer, he began snacking and grazing, and gained 10 pounds. He has not taken if off, and I am watching him make unhealthy choices. On a bright note, he has not gained any more weight. I am at a loss as of what to do for him. I celebrate the fact that he was so successful, but I hold my breath because I have watched him for 14 years struggle with his weight.
I am so thankful to read your post because I felt like I no one would understand my point of view.
Hang in there! And best of luck to you with your RNY recovery and success.

mrslatch
on 12/13/09 8:46 am - Fort Campbell, KY

RNY on 01/05/10

Topic: RE: Sharing weight with spouse

You are so not alone! My husband is my best friend, but this is the one and only thing I won't tell him! Once I weigh a good 20lbs less than him or maybe once I loose all my weight ill tell him. Until then, he can keep on guessing!

(deactivated member)
on 12/5/09 5:53 am - Midland City, AL

VBG on 06/26/01

Topic: RE: Any positive stories about WLS inhancing a marriage

I am approaching 9 years post op VBG. I was very blessed to have a husband that NEVER criticized me for my weight nor my appearance. He accepted me as I was. Although he never commented on my weight I know it had to bother him.

When we first met I was a size 12. I can't blame my weight gain on childbirth because I adopted his daughter! My problem began after a traffic accident and an undiagnosed head injury. Fast forward a few years and 150 pounds. I decided to have WLS. The one and only comment my husband made was if I was determined to have WLS he had rather I not have "my innerds rerouted"

I chose VBG and have been very happy with my choice.

I am back to my size 12 and our relationship is stronger than ever. We have 4 grandchildren that I will be alive to watch grow up.

(deactivated member)
on 12/2/09 5:28 pm

RNY on 11/23/09

Topic: hubby slipping

My husband had RNY in Jan with great success. He rolled right thru, lost over 100 pounds, feels great, working out, all that good stuff. But lately, he has started snacking - ALOT. I have found him up eating at 1am. He often takes a snack to bed! I just had RNY from the same surgeon and I know that is not in the plan! I have two fears - one is that he is totally going to wreck his progress and give up. The other is, in a year from now, when I CAN eat things again, I am going to want to because he is. Kind of like, its only fair of you get to eat ice cream, why can't I. I know this is not intelligent, but I have had these "fairness" issues in our marriage before. I don't want us to both end up unhealthy, unhappy and blaming each other.

BryanL0911
on 11/29/09 11:57 am - Baltimore, MD

VSG on 01/04/10

Topic: RE: Spouse can't handle my WLS

Marti -

Get him to a psychiatrist ASAP. He needs medicine. Seriously. If you still love him, then convince him to give it a try. If not, then get out. He is a ticking time bomb and is going to hurt someone. I can tell you from my own prior experience I was a veyr jealous boyfriend and had a very hot temper. After I finally got on some meds it was a fog lifted in my head. I'm now even tempered if not slow to anger. I'm no longer a jealous person,

Most people don't understand or believe that real mental illness requires medication not talk therapy. Brain chemistry does affect people's attitude and outlook on life.

Good Luck...

You have known him for a long time. You know him best. If you think he is a danger to himself or others, take action. Because inaction will not solve the problem.

Member Services
on 11/24/09 6:19 am - Irvine, CA

Topic: Health Tracker Updates In Time For The Holidays - Profile Integration and Workouts

Today we released a couple of major updates to Health Tracker just in time for the holidays (as we continue on the path to Health Tracker world domination :). These updates include, 1) Profile display of Health Tracker - If you choose to, you are now able to display/share your Health Tracker within your personal profile. This can be kept completely private, it can be shared with only your friends or with the entire ObesityHelp community. 2) My Workouts - You are now able to build and store custom workouts that can be used over and over again. My Workouts will allow you to log multiple exercise/activity items at one time so you don't have to search for individual exercises each time you want to log your activity or exercise session.

Profile Display of Health Tracker .

The profile display of Health Tracker includes Body, Food Log, Exercise Log and the Macronutrient Report. As mentioned above, this can be kept entirely private or you can choose to share your Health Tracker information with friends, family, your bariatric surgeon or other clinicians.

In order to see the profile view of Health Tracker, when viewing your profile or another member's profile, look for the Health Tracker link to the right of the avatar. If there is no Health Tracker link, the profile view of Health Tracker has been set to private.

The privacy settings for Health Tracker can be found in the "Settings" section of My OH. To access your Health Tracker setting click My OH at the top of any page on ObesityHelp, select "Settings" on the left, click the Health Tracker tab and choose the "Sharing" option. Or, just click here to access your Health Tracker Sharing options :)

Workouts

My Workouts makes it quick and easy to log routine exercise and activity. For those who perform similar exercises on a regular basis, with My Workouts you can create a workout consisting of a series of exercises you often perform and instead logging each exercise indivivudally, My Workouts allows to log a single item (a workout) that contains all of the exericses you have performed. Build it once and log it any number of times.

Under My Workouts you will see a list of workouts that you have created and saved. You can log workouts directly from My Workouts by selecting "I did this", choose the day and click "Save"

You can also search for workouts you have created directly from your Exercise Log.

Create your first workout now!

One other addition

For your convenience, in this release we have also made some changes to the account deactivation process. In case you ever have the need to deactivate your ObesityHelp account, you can access this function by clicking My OH at the top of any page on ObesityHelp, select "Settings" on the left, and under the "General" tab select "Manage". Instructions for deactivating your account can be found there.

Have a great Thanksgiving and look for more updates soon!

If you have any questions, comments or concerns about this release, please post them in this thread on the Main Message Board.

FindingAndrea
on 11/20/09 2:42 am - Waterbury Center, VT

Topic: RE: psychological exam

I can tell you what mine was like. The psychologist asked me what role weight had played in my life. Knowing this was about a 15 minute appointment I laughed, looked at my watch, and said, "How much time do we have." I felt like it was a mere check point of a list rather then a tool to assess if I was psychologically ready to have the surgery.

I wasn't. I had lapband in 2007. I did initially well until my surgeron started yellling at me and being critical about my slow weight loss. I then spent a year making and breaking appointments with him, and engaging in behavior that led to my obesity in the first place.

I've spent the last two yeras in therapy addressing my eating issues, treatment from my first doc and deciding to seek another. I'm looking at a conversion from lapband to RNY which I should have done in the first place. My insurance company denied my new doc's first request to cover the conversion. I'n not hopeful about the appeals either. The company says I am a failure.

I wasn't psychologically prepared for the changes I needed to make, though I thought I was. Well, I did do well until my suregeon started abusing me. It was at that point things started going wrong.

So, my words of wisdom, ask your doc how he/she will treat you if you are a slow loser. Ask yourself if you are ready to make the changes needed to make the most of out WLS. I wish you the best on your journey. Good Luck!

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Big Mama
on 11/15/09 1:50 pm - NE

DS on 01/26/09

Topic: RE: Helping Hubby talk about future DS

If he knows you need it because of medical reasons then have you tried to take him to your 3 month program with you so he can see what your are going through and understand where your coming from. Maybe he will understand you and jump on board. My husband was not happy I wanted WLS he was also scared of loosing me, he went to the seminars with me and decided that he didn't like the risks but if that was what I wanted to do then he would support my decision and stand by me, we talked alot before and believe me it was not easy for me to go through it on the day of the surgery I almost told my Dr. never mind because my husband, four children , brother and sister in law where all crying and for a moment I thought to my self what if this is the last time my family sees me alive and what would they do without me but then I said a prayer and went in for surgery.

I thank God for not letting me change my mind and I am so thankful I had my DS.

SW 315 HW 335 GW 180