Is there any hope?

Help, my wife had the surgery last August and left me 2 weeks ago. I read your posts, and I can identify with many of your spouses. I am so ashamed I made her feel that way. I am currently in therapy to get resolution to my issues and learn how to be a better man, as is she to get resolution to hers. Unfortunately, she started the divorce process, so we have that added pressure. I am devastated. If you were her, what more would you expect your husband to do? We have had lots of conversations, I have made up with her parents, etc. I am at my wits end. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Just what exactly did you all do???? Are you heavy or thin? What is she down to ( wt)? How long were you married? Kids?

It takes a strong person to admit that they were wrong and to try and do right now and you are to be applauded for the changes that you are making. Unfortunately saying sorry and acting the way that you should have acted all along does not gaurantee that you will get another opportunity. This is not the end of the world you have made some mistakes your wife has made some and hopefully you will both learn from them. At the very least she will understand that you should always demand the best for yourself despite your size or looks or status it is the insde person that matters. And you will learn that if you love someone you cherish them you treat that 250 pound or 450 pound woman like she is a supermodel love her respect her honor her and thank your lucky stars that you have someone to take this long lonely journey through life with. If it does come to pass that you get this woman back I am happy for you but your wife had to have major surgery to get the love that she deserves and that may be hard for her to stomache. Good Luck Dee

I apologize if it came off as if I was calling you an idiot only two people know what actually happened in that relationship and any one else myself included is just guessing. It hurts to lose someone that you love and are comfortable with and I am sure that it hurts to discover that things are not as comfortable as they seem but the truth is that you can not turn back the hands of time or make your wife do anything that she does not want to do. So kicking yourself is a waste of time You can not fix something if you are the only one looking at it as if it is broken I would want my husband to give me time space and respect I would want him to keep the lines of communication open without drawing lines in the sand and demanding in any way that I get over this and come back I would want my husband to concentrate on his growth and development and understand that I am not the same woman that he married just like he is not the same man we have joys and sorrows and secrets and lies and happy days and holidays and fear and longing all between us and this has both seperated us and brought us closer we are family and strangers at the same time. the routine has worn itself thin and I need to breathe I need fresh air and sunshine I need to explore the world before I leave it It does not mean that I do not love my hubby it means that I am not sure that we can get on the same page again and I am not sure that I want to spare the breathe I have left to see if we can This Is my take on the situation and how I feel maybe your wife feels different ask her..........

Georg, I am soooooo sorry! What exactly did you do? Not sure I understand how you ran her out of the house?????

George, I would be your wife's best friend at this point. If you have children, you should be there for them constantly- offer to do the driving around for their activities. Go over unannounced and mow the lawn, or change the oil in her car or clean up the yard.... in other words, show random acts of responsibility and kindness WITHOUT begging for conversation or making long-winded apologies. Just show that you are committed to being the responsible husband that she needs. Be patient. The best of all relationships come from friendships, so if you put the emotional stuff aside for now and focus on being her friend, she may recall the reasons that she fell in love with you in the first place. Do you cook? Make up some of her meals and put them in containers and bring them by; tell her that you know she must be pressed for time now that she is living on her own and having to do everything her self, and tell her that you wanted to help out by cutting some time-consuming things off of her schedule. In other words, in a nutshell, be thoughtful, be patient, be her best friend, and most importantly... suck up the sadness and do it with a smile. Self-pity is unappealing, so even if you are hurting, try not to show it. Lay it on a counselor or a friend, and save all of your smiles and laughs for her.