Question for all of you spouses

Dee Dee - Hold on to that thought. I probably will need those same exact words expressed to my mate eventualy as well. He's been almost clueless when I've suffered from PMS. (he's one of the non-believers) I don't expect much TLC from him when I get this operation. I do hope he will be supportive for me.

I had my surgery in July of 2003. I have been married for 24 years and most of those years weight has been an issue. I have been on many diets and I think the most I ever lost was 75 pounds and then gained it all back, plus some. Sound familiar? When I first mentioned WLS to my husband he was totally against it. Then the more we looked into it (yes he did as much research--if not more than I) it became an option. I had recently had health issues come up that I hadn't had before and the doctors told me that weight loss is about the only thing that would help. As luck had it, my husbands insurance changed and the new company covered WLS. I had a consult in March of 2003 and he went with me. I was approved in April and had my date set for July 30, 2003. During this process he has been there for me. He is constantly applauding my accomplishments and telling me how wonderful I look. He loves it when other men look at me because he knows that he is the only man I love and isn't threatened by it at all--in fact it is flattering for him I think!! He is constantly wanting to buy me clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc. Who could ask for anything more?? Through this journey our love has just continued to grow (yes, even after 24 years!!) and the support I get from him is never-ending. I have seen relationships end because of the WLS though, So, I know not everyone is as lucky as I am to have the support of their spouse. Best of luck....... Sandy

my husband had surgery a year ago and he is still moody and infact he was so self consumed that he has now had an affair and we are getting divorced. Becareful and watch out for the obvious.

What's the "obvious" in your opinion?

This is something that kind of bothers me. I know my self confidence rose greatly. Women hit on me quite often after I lost much of my weight.(picture on here is not current at all) What bothered me most was my wife still didn't seem to take notice or care. One of the things I wanted most from my weightloss, other than to stop my back and knees hurting, was a better sex life with my wife. I had always figured that my being so heavy turned her off. But alas, that was not to happen. I felt slighted and hurt. So yes, I did step outside the box and reached for someone who did notice that I had changed and actually looked good. Was I wrong, of course. Did I need it, definately. Oh, before you condemn me, she had had an ongoing affair that lasted the better part of 9 years before hand. Not that I had known it at the time, but I was able to forgive her as she has supposedly forgiven me. What I think many spouses forget is that for so long, we have felt neglected or self concious about our weight. We've been made fun of, told that we're too fat, too ugly, etc etc. When all we want is for those who love us to embrace us for the courage to change and make ourselves better physically as well as emotionally. My wife was not happy about me having the surgery. She's overweight as well, but won't do anything about it. I don't make it an issue because I know what I felt like. I don't know what she thinks but I do think she's afraid to say it. What I do know is that no matter how much weight I lose, I may never be good enough in her eyes. I'm somewhat envious of couples I see who seem so into each other. I often wonder, to myself and to my wife, what we could do to be like that. Who knows?

Its a little late I guess for this, but here it goes dummy. My wife is over a year out and all the time I didn't notice the weight loss. Why? Cause I live with her and am with her all the time. It took the before and after pics for me to notice. Maybe your wife is like me and didn't the weight but just saw you. you got some making up to do. BIG TIME,Think about it? the ones that hit on you now, Would they have hit on you then? She did. Good luck

sorry The previous post was meant to go somewhere else

I am apprehensive of my husband's reaction. We are going today for the initial consult and classes. He is not supportive of the surgery. I am not sure why. He SAYS it is because of the risks, but I think it is because of the dramatic change it will have in my appearance. I am an attractive woman, and I still get noticed even at my size. When I met him, I was 112 pounds; 130 when we married, and currently at 230. He is a really, really attractive guy and I am wondering if it is an ego boost that he is handsome and much more fit than I. Will he feel threatened when I begin to shrink? He has nothing to worry about because he is the love of my life, my soul mate, and we are committed to be together for life. I adore him- bad habits, BiPolar mood swings, and all. How do I make it clear to him that I am doing this for myself, to be the girl he once knew, to be healthier and more active, and to be less inhibited? (yeah, with my current weight, I avoid getting naked at all costs, I must confess) The comments posted here about spouses getting jealous and insecure scare me. We celebrated our 20th anniversary last week and I would scream "I DO!" again in a heartbeat.