Question for all of you spouses

How many of you noticed a diference in your spouse after WLS as far as moodyness. And if so, at what stages and when did it finally stop?

Hi, Mine is like so what He told me the other day he was waiting to hear me say I was sorry for having the surgery I have lost 100 lbs and I feel great I told him I would do it again if I had to! he is suppose to be happy for me what is his problem? He has turned COLD on me He acts like he would reather be away from home (with out me )then at home

People fear change sometime when we make positive changes in our lives the people around us feel forced to do the same . Our happiness is like a light shining on their inner unhappiness do not allow your husband to steal your shine and at the same time be aware that he may be feeling nervous about his position now If he feels that you have more options he may be feeling like less than perfect reassure him that he is your sexy man and that you love him. be sure to dress up and go to a nice lunch or dinner with him not fancy just romantic. purchase new nighties for his eyes only and spice up your love life. Whatever you do be sure that you do not take his sour mood personally you did nothing wrong you lost 100 lbs and you are healthier prettier and more energetic. And if I am a pre-op stranger and I can encourage you and support you that is the least that you should expect from your life partner good luck.

Hi DeeDee Thank you very much for the up lifting! He just seems so far away When are you having surgery? How is the weather up there? I used to live in Bpt. Conn.& New haven I hated the winter! Let me know how things go for you Your Friend, Cindy

Hi I just had surgery on may 1st 2005 it went well I have lost 50pounds so far and I am happy I had the vertical sleeve so it is restrictive only at this point in 6 months I may have the malabsorptive part all done lap with an excellent recovery time so far. I hope that everything is good with you and that you are staying upbeat and happy

Cindy, your problem is very common unfortunately. My wife had her surgery 12/21/04. Since then I have been her coach and a shoulder to cry on etc. and we have grown closer as a result. Too often on these message boards I see women discussing how their husbands have turned cold or no longer care for them the way they once did. Speaking as a guy, I can see how it was easy for them to be married to a big girl, especially if they were overweight themselves, yet skinnier than their wife. This was a big ego boost that perhaps they kept inside but never acutally vocalized. It allowed them to get out of shape and not take care of themselves the way they should have. I know that I fell into the same trap. My wife and I both gained a lot of weight after we were married and as long as we were togther it wasn't a big deal. Once she decided to have the surgery, I needed to come to grips with my own situation. I decided that if she was going to go through all of the pain and struggles involved with WLS, then I needed to do the same thing, albeit in a non-surgical approach. I was very content being fat, I now know however, that soon... very soon, I will be bigger than my wife for the first time in a long time together. So while I am happy for her, I can see how other guys may think that their wife took the "easy" way out and as such are jealous of your success while they mire in their own self imposed failure. My advice? Lay down the law with your man and tell him to shape up or their will be consenquences. You have lived your life as a big girl and you now intend to live the rest of your life as a skinny chick. He can either enjoy the ride or get out the way. I made my decision and I cannot wait until my wife and I are BOTH at our goal weight. Everyone deserves the same. -JJ

I haven't really noticed "moodiness", but I have noticed that he doesn't recognize my progress. He says he can't really "see" that I've lost 101 lbs, unless he really spends time thinking about what I looked like before surgery. And get this...he's wanted me to lose this weight....it's been a constant issue with us. Now that I am, he's complaining because my breasts are smaller and (sorry for the TMI) I get air caught in my look stomach skin during sex and it makes "flatulence" noises. Yes, it's embarrassing but I try to take it with a sense of humor...he doesn't. He says it just turns him off. When I was losing weight on my own, without WLS (I lost 134 prior to WLS), he always commented when he noticed I'd lost. Now I don't hear much of anything about looking better. I feel like I just can't win with him. I know this doesn't really address your question, but you're not alone in struggling through the changes in your relationship. I feel so blessed to have been able to have this surgery, but the struggles within my relationship have been the downside. Take care, Michele

I have definately noticed a difference in my husband since my wls. Jealousy, insecurity sometimes he makes me feel like he's trying to "catch me" doing something. I hate it. I don't know what to do. I'm getting to the point where I feel like if I'm going to be accused I should live up to it. There are days when he's proud of me and he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and days where he's so jealous it's ridiculous. I can tell you I never thought we would be one of the couples whose marriage suffered through the change but we are. I keep trudging along but I think that maybe a marriage counsler may help us at this point. I have no desire to leave my husband..I just want him to love me as dearly and securely as he did when I weighed 260. Good luck to the rest of you all.

My wife had WLS three weeks ago and it has changed her personality dramatically she is very moody and argumentive I can't do anything right in her eyes. Before the surgery she was a sweet loving woman I want my wife back!!!

Hi hubby your wife just had major surgery less than month ago she is being deprived of food her closest friend for many years ignore her moodiness and love her any way she is your sweet loving woman still