3 mos post op and husband cheated

Why would he wait until I'm down 4 sizes to do this to me.  I found out he cheated on me and I haven't left him YET because I don't know what I really want to do. 

I am so sorry to hear this!  This is too weird that he waited until you were post-op!!!  Did he say "why" he cheated?  Have you confronted him about this? 

There are LOADS of WLS patients out there who have said that their spouses (or significant others) are worried that once the patients loses weight, they'll no longer be interested in their spouse.  Sometimes this is true but, in most cases, it isn't. 

Anyhoo, on for my guesses:

1)  You obviously are looking better, feeling better and have maybe gained some self-confidence.  You've jumped "off the shelf" and that might worry your husband.  He might have been concerned that you'd eventually cheat on him, ask for a divorce, or something and wanted to "beat you to the punch", if that makes any sense.

2)  OR he might be trying to "keep you in your place" because you ARE looking better, etc.  In other words, maybe trying to make you feel unattractive (when in reality you are probably feeling more attractive than you have in a long time).  Again, this would be in answer to his paranoia that you are going to leave him. 

3)  One last thought.....have you been paying the same attention to him as you did before surgery.  Yup, I know there's a recovery time as there is for any surgery so that shouldn't even be taken into consideration.  But does he feel left out?  Has this become "all about you"?  A lot of times, sudden weight loss can go to a person's head.  While self-confidence is fantastic, self-absorption and self-centeredness is usually what drives spouses, friends & family away. 

Anyhoo, don't know if I've hit on anything that might be helpful.  Just trying to look at it from both sides here. 

Please keep me posted on how this is going for you.

Best wishes!

 not to be assuming anything but........ are u sure he waited... it might not of been the first time...  could it be possible that u didnt want to know before? an now ur more aware of everything in ur life an holding ur self to higher standards...as well as ppl u share ur life with... 

Sorry to hear about you troubles. Some times spouses become insecure after one improves their self.  My wife became insecure after my wt. loss and at times still is. I  hope things work out  for your family.  I will pray four you. Deman

I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope you find comfort in loved ones and give yourself all the time you need to decide what's best for you.

All the best,
Laura

I'm so sorry for the pain that you're going through.  I just read an article about cheating a few days ago and thought I'd mention it to you.  It talked a great deal about how one a partner cheats, it usually has NOTHING to do with the other person in the relationship and everything to do with how unhappy the cheater is with themselves.  He might see you improving who you are and gaining the confidence that comes with weight loss and suddenly see's that he's not much of a prize compared to you.  Most of us have been cheated on at one time or another...and I know the pain seems unbearable.  All you can do is concentrate on you at this time...he'll have to make his own choices in life but remember...if you do leave him...know that in a year or so when he see's you again, he'll know every second of every day that he made the biggest mistake of his life in losing you. 

Huny.. sorry to hear about that. I am having troubles with my spouse right now..but no cheating. I think it is insecurity. I'm down to a size 12 from 24/26. My hubby complains I'm too skinny, I prioritize my day around my needs now.. I actually go to the gym on a regular basis, buy the foods I need etc. He feels put out but guess what its about damn time after 10 yrs of marriage. Ya think?

Michelle