Spouse can't handle my WLS

Trying to make this short would be impossible so I just won't go into all the details, but I've lost 150 lbs and my husband can't handle it. We are falling apart, he is losing his mind, going insane trying to figure out if I'm cheating on him going through all my stuff my cell my puter ect. he's always been insecure and jealous but its like a switch flipped when I got to a certian point at my WL he's losing it. He's even threatend to kill me in front of my kids if I cheat. That was for doing my nails and trying to look good. The doctors that we have been seeing think he's bipolar and the weight loss may have triggered a manic phase or phases that got bad and stayed that way with the WLS. We've been together 17yrs with 4 kids and I just can't handle the acusations and the being locked away from the world like he trys to keep me. I can't come and go without keeping a constant contact with him and he has to know what I'm doing when I'm doing it. Hes even gone so far just yesterday he thought my 10 yr old was covering for me for whatever, we were home! I trimed my bikini line for a pool party that was for my daughters softball team and didn't want to look bad ya know, and he accused me of cheating. Then when I told him I did it the other day for the party and it wasn't recent like he thought he said I did it for someone at the party!!! I have no carrer not education no way out, hes keep me down from what I'm learning emotionaly like hes abusive and doesn't want me to go to school or work ect and I've been here for 16 yrs at home with the kids now I don't have chance of getting a job due to lack of experience. Anyone else with spouse issues??? Marti

You need to get out of that situation asap. He is not doing you any good and is threatening you. Sounds like he is getting dangerous. Welfare will help you and so will the police. They will help you get back on your feet with the kids and also help you with an education if that is what you want to get yourself free of all of this. I know it sounds scarry, but if he is acting as bad as you say, then your running the risk of him seriously hurting you and possibly your kids. Run don't walk to the nearest exit with your kids, never mind anything else, the police can always come back with you to get the things your family needs. Make sure you continue to see a shrink and maybe it would help your kids to as well. As for your husband, it is his problem not yours, let him get his own help.' Jealousy is not love, it is a form of control and a very dangerous situation often comes out of Jealousy. That is my advice, Nancy

I really feel sorry for you. My wife was very nervous about what would happen in our relationship after WLS because she had heard of so my situations like this. I'm no professional but I think if possible you should look into staying with family for a while and getting your husband some counseling. I hope everything works out for the better.

Your post is very scary......I would talk to your councelor, and then get the heck out.....

The threats of killing you I would take serious......

I checked out this forum today because my hubby and I are going through issues of dis-trust, etc. I've been getting a lot of attention lately from males and it's taking it's toll on my hubby....I feel I'm getting analized at everything I do..... I don't look for attention, I just get it.....It's hard on me also, because I don't know whether to enjoy it or run from it....

I'm at a loss......

Kelly

I am a domestic violence survivor.....HONEY RUN!

If he is telling your children he intends to kill you under any cir****tances then its time to go. I will share with you the thoughts that finally had me leave my abusive ex husband.. I looked at my baby daughter and thought to myself, "when she grows up and lets a man beat her it will be my fault because by staying I am teaching her that is how a man treats you when he says he loves you." Then I loved at my 2 little boys and thought..."someday they will get upset with their wives and beat them and another woman will have suffered because I choose to stay and let them think it is ok."

I packed right then...and I like you didn't have anything - no job, no where to go because my family wasn't a choice because he would have followed me, and no money.

I went to a battered women's shelter, then to the projects. I put myself thru school while on welfare being a single parent with 3 small kids. Now I am successful with 3 teenagers and even bought my second house.

Leave - if not for you -FOR YOUR KIDS!

CatJ,

I highly commend you.  You are truly an inspiration!  Thank you for posting as you may well save this woman and her children. 

Straw Walker

Marti -

Get him to a psychiatrist ASAP.  He needs medicine. Seriously. If you still love him, then convince him to give it a try. If not, then get out. He is a ticking time bomb and is going to hurt someone.  I can tell you from my own prior experience I was a veyr jealous boyfriend and had a very hot temper.  After I finally got on some meds it was a fog lifted in my head. I'm now even tempered if not slow to anger. I'm no longer a jealous person,

Most people don't understand or believe that real mental illness requires medication not talk therapy.  Brain chemistry does affect people's attitude and outlook on life.

Good Luck...

You have known him for a long time. You know him best. If you think he is a danger to himself or others, take action. Because inaction will not solve the problem.