Explaining your surgery to your kids...
I'm having some issues with this very subject. My kids don't want me to get surgery. After talking to them they have lots of reasons they don't want me to. My 16 yr old son hasn't said much about it either way...not surprising! My 11 year old daughter just thinks I should exercise, eat less, etc. She knows I have done all these things only to gain back even more weight. She still don't like the surgery option one bit!! She is afraid something will go wrong during surgery or shortly after...Then my baby, 7 years old... says that "after you get skinny you won't be softy anymore" ..that means my fat rolls will be gone. She has used them as pillows all her life..she don't want to let her "pillows" go. She also told me that she didn't want me to change the way I look because then I won't look like her Mommy.. She said she loves me and wants me just the way I am. How SWEET is that?
We had some discussion as to why I wanted to have surgery and also why they did not want it. I pulled out some of my books and we logged onto OH so they could get some insight into what I'm going through. I think they understand a little better now. They still don't like it...but they are too young yet to understand just what being this obese and unhealthy really means. I only hope they never do.
I know once the date starts getting closer for me and the day of is going to be hard on us. I have made arrangements for them to come and see that I'm ok as soon as the Dr. says it's Ok for them to see me. I think that will help them, then my Mom will bring them back to my home and stay with them until I get out of the hospital.
Good luck to you!!
My 10 year old didn't want me to get surgery either. She doesn't like change too much. She said I was perfect the way I am. At the same time, she talks about fat like it's poison so I have trouble believing she wasn't totally disgusted by my body. 
Anyway, my teen told her "Mommy wants it and that should be good enough for you". I think I must have trained him well.
Then I talked about the health benefits and how, if I had the surgery, I would live to see her grow up and have kids of her own. (Which is a large part of why I had the surgery.) That sold her.
She was obsessed with death for a while there though. I'm sure that, along with fear of change, fear of me dying was in there. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have been so honest that this can happen.
I did tell her that I've already had a surgery that is more dangerous than my VSG and didn't die and that helped.
Anyway, my teen told her "Mommy wants it and that should be good enough for you". I think I must have trained him well.
Then I talked about the health benefits and how, if I had the surgery, I would live to see her grow up and have kids of her own. (Which is a large part of why I had the surgery.) That sold her.She was obsessed with death for a while there though. I'm sure that, along with fear of change, fear of me dying was in there. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have been so honest that this can happen.
I did tell her that I've already had a surgery that is more dangerous than my VSG and didn't die and that helped.
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I explained it to my 8yo son, but not my 4yo (as far as she is concerned daddy will just have some boo-boo's on his tummy, and she will spend the next few days bringing me all of her stuffed animals if last year's cholecsystectomy is any indication). I broke the news to my son during a news segment on obesity & bariatric surgery. He had wandered through the room and stopped to gawk at the operation in progress, so I took advantage of the opportunity to talk to him about it. At this age he is very curious and asked alot of questions. We talked about how he could be my "helper" and take walks with me, help me do kitchen "experiments" etc. He seemed concerned but generally ok with it.
So then, the news mentions that the guy died a year later from cardiac problems (awkward! gee, thanks!), and we had a whole different discussion about how risk is relative and that we take those chances everyday - the risks of not having the surgery, driving in the city, etc, and the tinkgs we do to mitigate those risks like, wearing a seatbelt, pre-op diet and excercise changes, etc.
We talked about the things he is learning in school related to healthy lifestyle, and how it is different from how I was raised, and a bunch of other related topics. Every so often I asked him if he wanted me to tell him more, if it was too scary, if he had heard enough, or if he had more questions. When we finished, i let him know he could ask me about it any time.
Although it was uncomfortable at times - I am really glad that we did it.
I would say that under seven or so you have to be more careful because they have a more limited vocabulary to express their feelings, which is why I will be MUCH more selective with what I share with my 4yo.
For older kids, i would suggest making sure you ask questions to get a feel for how they are interpreting what you tell them, give them an "out" if they don't want to talk about it, and keep the door open for more questions.
So then, the news mentions that the guy died a year later from cardiac problems (awkward! gee, thanks!), and we had a whole different discussion about how risk is relative and that we take those chances everyday - the risks of not having the surgery, driving in the city, etc, and the tinkgs we do to mitigate those risks like, wearing a seatbelt, pre-op diet and excercise changes, etc.
We talked about the things he is learning in school related to healthy lifestyle, and how it is different from how I was raised, and a bunch of other related topics. Every so often I asked him if he wanted me to tell him more, if it was too scary, if he had heard enough, or if he had more questions. When we finished, i let him know he could ask me about it any time.
Although it was uncomfortable at times - I am really glad that we did it.
I would say that under seven or so you have to be more careful because they have a more limited vocabulary to express their feelings, which is why I will be MUCH more selective with what I share with my 4yo.
For older kids, i would suggest making sure you ask questions to get a feel for how they are interpreting what you tell them, give them an "out" if they don't want to talk about it, and keep the door open for more questions.
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