Trying not to freak out!

Hey everyone. This forum used to be a many-times-a-day stop for me after my RNY January 2008.  Lots of life happened since that time.

Right now, I am trying hard to NOT FREAK OUT but honestly its super hard. I had great weight loss, a total of 80 lbs within my first year. I was ecstatic because I did not have any cravings at all, for years. I had dumping which I honestly felt very grateful for. 

I can't remember when I had my first "regain" but I did gain about 10 lbs, and honestly still felt great. I figured it was a bounce back, and I could live with it, tons of energy, loved being small and feeling a bit bony at times! But then, I think it was at the 3 year mark, I gained 10 lbs after I had back surgery. And it was a very fast gain, seemed like I was 145 one month and 155 the next. After that, weight crept up very slowly until I was about 165.  I still had dumping, I still had a very restricted ability to eat....I don't exactly know what went wrong. But in 2013, I went on a vacation, and one of my goals was to lose weight. Since I was going to Europe, I took my protein with me--a good quality low carb-zero sugar protein. I did a mountain of walking on that trip, and was gone 26 days. Once I got home, I waited a few days to get thru the jet lag, and when I weighed I had lost 7 or 8 pounds. So I was back at the 155-158 range and stayed there. Then sometime last year (2015) I gained another 10 lbs, seemingly overnight, then this year I have gained up to 183 as of today.  I AM FREAKED OUT!

Now, some things have changed which I know are part of it. I had a tremendous amount of family stress this past year that is just beginning to settle down. I was depressed. I have chronic pain and it wasn't controlled well. Now that I have a handle on that with the help of my GP, I need to figure out everything behind the weight gain. I feel like I am able to eat too much. I don't eat bread. I rarely eat pasta. I eat fish, some chicken (its not always the best for me), beef, pork--I always go for the hard proteins before I eat anything else. It feels like in the past 3 months or so I've suddenly become able to eat too much. About a month ago I seriously increased my protein supplements which I had not been good at, and currently take in 60-80 grams a day in supplemental zero sugar protein shakes.  

I'm not sure where to go or what to do. I do need to start exercising again, that was derailed by some of that stress our family was having. But I feel lost. Is something wrong with my pouch ?(since I can eat more than I should be able to ) Previously, if I ate 2 oz of meat, I could eat maybe a couple of tablespoons of veggies, and that was it. I am a firm believer in not eating sugar but I have been craving it like crazy. I can't even handle milk because of the sugars. I tend to stay away from things sweetened with any of the alcohol sugars. I don't have dumping any more, not the way I used to. I've noticed that if I eat something with carbs or sugar, my heart races, and if I don't eat enough protein, then the next day I have these weird "sugar shakes" as we call them, like a low blood sugar reaction. Once I go back to the protein and no/low carbs, those stop.

Any advise or ideas? I don't know where to start. I want to stop the gain and I want to get back to 145 at the most because that is where I felt the best. Right now I just feel fat and gross and unhappy.  

Thanks you guys. Also is there a forum on OH that deals with regain? I know they aren't always super friendly with lightweights. Oh and fair warning, I haven't looked at my signature in years so I have no idea what it says!

Welcome to the real world.  Unfortunately, if you turn your back, you gain weight.  Or at least some of us do.  My low was 111, way too low.  I crept up to the 120s and that was great.  For 2 yrs now I have been in the 130, going higher and higher. 

Part of it is that we let our guard down.  It takes so many fewer calories to stay little and we begin to think that we can eat normally.  I loved big portions and still do.  I had, over time, tried to see how much instead of how little I could eat.  Add to that a chocolate here and there, a glass of wine and it adds up.  I have a new home in a very social area.  We do dinners together several times a week it seems and it is so hard to stay on program when you aren't controlling your food. 

I did the 5 day pouch test a while back and really did think it "reset" my pouch.  I remembered that 1c of food satisfies me.  I need to stick to that and not push the limits.

There are several of us that are here working on regain.  Welcome and let us know what is working for you.

Ir is great to hear from you!!!!   From the number of posters we've lost over the years I figure a lot are in the same boat you are.   Posting every day seems to work best for me. 

I'm glad you are still using "good" Protein drinks.  Other than starting back at basics using a small plate, planning your Protein "first" meals/snacks, getting at least 100g from Protein drinks, etc. Weigh your foods if you have to.  Keep track of everything that goes in your mouth. Take your body measurement.

I'm a little touchy when it comes to exercising.  I don't and never did exercise while I was losing.  If you aren't going to keep it up after you get back down to goal there is no reason to start them.  You can't eat right and exercise and then quit all of those good choices.  Think it over and be determined to loose with out exercise or make a promise to yourself and except this is going to be a life time commitment.

You can shrink your pouch again but it is going to take a commitment and if you mess up start over immediately don't just give up.

Jody seems to be the only poster we have that has lost her regain.  You might want to write her and ask her how she did it. 

Thanks for responding! 

I know what you mean about exercise. Prior to my back injury in 1996 I exercised on a very regular basis. Now, with having back surgery, I need to do core strengthening. In the times I've done just the bare minimum for that, I've felt fine. I cannot get behind any sort of exercise that I don't enjoy. I just don't stick with it. So what usually happens is that I find some form of dance that I can do, and modify if necessary.

So it sounds like the current recommendation is 100g of protein a day? I can't remember what my surgeons team said, but we all had to sign an agreement that we would continue to supplement with protein for life. I have been very surprised by people who have WLS and their doctors tell them to get their protein by food only, and not with any supplements. I've watched them eat foods I could never do (milk, for one but thats just me) and then they can't figure out why they never get near their goal. I was never happier than I was at goal. So I really want to get back there.

I think my biggest "freak out" is that it seems I have put on 20-30 lbs in the space of a couple of months, and I don't think I eat enough to have accomplished that. I also agree with you that being able to lose the weight without exercise is important because you just never know whats coming your way in terms of injury or illness that affects your mobility.

Thanks for the responses everyone! I am committing to checking in every day with you guys.

First off welcome back ...even though I was last here 4 years ago ...lol... I understand the freak out . I too gained a bit. Goal weight at 180-185 but up to 200 several times ...today at 185 ish. I am six years out now but was concerned about the gain. I take in Average portions but the gain made me cut back a little everyday til I was eating small for awhile.
I am a DSer so things are probably different for me than you . As for being Lightweight group I agree about the other groups being less than nice sometimes. I found this forum and for as long as I was around, the light weights were so kind and generous with their advice.
My stomach has got bigger and holds about 14 oz if I let it .
When I eat small, as you did I cut out bread and most cheese...everyone puts cheese on everything! The low sugars tend to require eating again so I drink a small can of pineapple juice or eat a glucose tablet. You can't will the loss but you can remember some of those things that brought you losses. As a minister I pray and meditate to relieve stress and depression maybe that might work for you too. take care friend ...Jeff