ANYONE like me?

girl, my stats were almost the exact same as yours, except i'm 34. i had VSG on 12/20/14 at 5'4" and 198lbs. BMI was 31/32

the first 3 months were brutal for me. pain, discomfort, anxiety - all of it. i wasn't expecting it to be as hard as it was, and i was totally spooked by how easy it seemed for others on the message boards in similar timeframes. i didn't regret it, but i felt worried almost constantly which i hadn't been before the surgery (i do tend to be a jump first and ask questions later type of girl)

at month 4 suddenly i was me again. no more pain, no more discomfort. i could hit the fluid and protein goals without a problem. i could start running and rock climbing. and i was 155 pounds and a size 6, which i had not been in a VERY long time. and i almost started to recognize a face in the mirror that i had not seen in a very long time, and in my heart had basically resigned myself to saying goodbye to a long time ago.

at 5 months out i have to say that i have ZERO regrets. no joke - weight loss surgery is SO hard in the beginning, and sometimes even a little scary. but the surgeon and his team reminded me every step of the way that it was normal for it to be hard, just to keep moving forward and following their protocol and things would get better and they did. at 5 months out i have become mildly intolerant of dairy (and super allergic to whey protein) - other than that i can eat anything. i can go out with friends and eat almost a quarter of an order (about 1/2 cup per meal). in the beginning it wasn't more than 2 tablespoons (for about 3 months) but as your body heals and adjusts, the inflammation goes down and everything relaxes. i have moments where i go - whoa, this is what normal people eat like. eat a bit, and then stop. before WLS this was a totally foreign concept for me.

i do think that for those of us with lower BMI's the weight loss slows down a lot faster than for others with more to lose (at 1200 calories a day if i'm not SO vigilant about the kinds of calories i eat i'm basically in maintenance, at 700 i drop over a pound a week). we get a lot closer to our goal weight a lot faster (i got to 20-30 lbs away by month 4) and most people say that the last 20 are a battle. 

i look back on the first few months and all i can say now is it was so worth it. there was no way that i was going to lose that weight without the support. i knew it. so for me, it's turned my life around.

wow, that was super long and rambly. i hope it helps. and if you want to PM me with any other questions or anything, please do! 

My husband is a big eater too, and that was how we had fun too. We went out a lot, enjoyed trying new places to eat, etc. That WILL have to change for awhile, because you just won't be physically able or want to eat out.  At least that is how it has been for me. I'm two months post-op from RNY and I haven't wanted to eat out because I'm afraid of getting sick in public, but also it depressed me to go out and not be able to eat like I used to.  Hopefully you don't have the same unhealthy dependence on food that I did, but I will say that things will change drastically and you need to be as mentally prepared for it as you can.  In my experience, the battle has been mental more than physical. I don't physically want to eat, but mentally my brain still wants the same foods that I ate before, because it gave me that little high. Or it looks at my now tiny plate of food and is sure I won't get full off of it. But then I can't even eat half of it.

Ultimately, it is a tool so it will work as long as you put the work into it, you WILL see a difference.  Maybe not in the mirror right away, but in your clothes and just how you're feeling over all. If your husband is on board it is fantastic, mine was overwhelmingly supportive.  However, I couldn't have him eating anything in the house afterwards (again, my experience) for the first week because I was on all liquids and I felt insane because I couldn't eat anything solid.  It has to come down to, do you want to keep fighting the battle on your own, or do you want to try to get help? I was tired of fighting on my own, I have a life to live and I didn't want to spend it lamenting my size.

And by the way, I'm a busty gal too and those have started to go down but I don't think I'll ever be considered "small" in that area, even at my lowest.

Thank you - yes I think it's a mental game.

I don't know how HARD I"VE tried to lose consistently.  I'd get so frustrated and quit.  OK so I'm a quitter.. this I won't be able to quit.  I'll have to make it or break it.

Pretty sick of getting old (can't stop that) and being FAT

The question isn't how do you look, it is how do you feel?  If you feel good and you are healthy and comfortable than maybe having surgery isn't necessary.  Yes, it would be nice but it isn't a matter of life or death, or even quality of life.

My first WLS was about looks.  I hated being fat, how I looked, buying clothes, everything about it.

After regaining 100 lbs I was so sick I could care less about my looks.  I just wanted to be healthy.  In fact, I thought I looked worse for the first few years after my surgery than I did before.  I lost too much and my face was drawn and gaunt and I looked older than I was.

Things have redistributed and I think I look better but the real improvement has been in my health.  I am healthier now than I have been in years. 

As far as the eating, my boyfriend is also a big eater.  We've been together for years and going out to eat has been our favorite activity.  It still is.  I decided that I was the one with the surgery and he didn't need to sacrifice because of it.  We still go out every week, try different places and enjoy the experience.  I haven't found a place yet that I couldn't find something I could eat.  And just because I don't eat as much doesn't mean I don't enjoy eating.

Can I REALLY be healthy at 190 pounds?

Am I really comfortable? My knees hurt all the time, my lower back hurts most of the time.

I go shopping, I buy stuff, but I never look 'better'.  Does that make sense?

I think bottom line I'm terrified that there is no going back once the surgery is done.VSG - not doing the band.... 

Your physical comfort is a huge factor. I got so bad I just didn't want to go outside, I was embarrassed more than anything at what I had done to myself. You're right, there's no going back if you do VSG. I don't know what your reasoning is, and obviously it is entirely your choice, but if you do RNY they don't actually take anything out.  And of course, it would have to be medically necessary in a big way but RNY is reversible. That made me more comfortable when I was choosing surgery. The band never was on the table for me, and VSG I didn't like that they were removing something. RNY they re-arranged stuff but it is all still there, and could be put back in extreme cir****tances.

There's no going back, but where has going back ever gotten you? From what I understand it is hard for a few years but you COULD go back to your old habits after awhile if you wanted, but you'd regain and be back to where you started, only now you've gone through a whole traumatic surgery.  People I know have had WLS and they still eat like they used to, just much less. I'm not advocating for that because it can be dangerously unhealthy, but after a few years from what I understand, you can go back to "normal." Personally though, I don't think you should consider going backward as an option. How do you want to spend your future? That's what you have to ask yourself.

There are some risks to any surgery, so at 32 to 33 bmi, I would suggest you also consider non surgical weight loss options. I was a light weight at 40 bmi, and also enjoyed eating out. That part of my life is not enjoyable any more, although I hope it will be eventually. At a minimum, the eating out will be very limited on your part for the next year or longer.