Negativity

So I can't even believe I am posting this here, but it has been eating a way at me. Did anyone lose any family relationships after surgery? 

Long story short, my cousin and I had a huge fight over something so unrelated to my surgery or my weight. But by the middle of the fight she started throwing it up in my face. saying that I took the cheaters way out to lose weight and that I am nothing but a fat a** and it just really went downhill and a lot worse from there. Even with me not messaging her back. She said she hopes I have to have skin removal surgery after I lose my weight and that she feels sorry for my boyfriend because I am such a fat f-ing ***** 

Previously she had been the one encouraging me and happy for me. Now she just threw all my insecurities in my face. Except for the cheaters way, because this is the hardest thing I have even done in my life. Even though everyone close to me thinks I am over it, her comments still hurt. Did anyone else go through family being really cruel? I have since blocked her number so she cannot harass me anymore. I know she isn't jealous of my weight loss because she has never been overweight a day in her life. In fact, she has problems putting weight on. 

I am trying to not let her negativity upset me, but it is hard not too. Trust me her comments got a lot worse then the ones I posted above, those are just the tip of the damaging things she said to me. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe deep down she didn't mean those things because she has a problem of her own and maybe that is why she was acting that way. But a part of me wonders if everyone else thinks/agrees with everything she said to me. 

I haven't had family react that way, but I have had comments about me taking the easy way out.  It doesn't compare to all the things your cousin said to you, but I can only imagine how much it hurts.  :(  I'm sorry!  Just keep living for your!  You're doing great! :)

Thank you. What kills me the most is the argument had NOTHING to do with weight at all. She just turned really nasty really early. It's hard to believe that a woman in her early 30's is acting like a teenager though. 

It just makes me nervous to tell anyone else about the surgery because of her comments. I am trying to put it behind me but it still pops in my mind daily. 

I don't advertise my surgery and I think that is because I feel like people will think I took the easy way out.  I don't lie to people either though.  It is a tough subject for me too.  People say I look great and ask what I'm doing.  I say low carb, high protein and exercise.  Then I say I had the sleeve and their like Oh.  I then continue to justify myself.... letting them know it is just a tool and it is still hard work.  I have to stick to plan and surgery just fixes the size of my stomach, it doesn't fix the cravings and head hunger.  Then they smile and say I look great, but I still feel like they are criticizing me on the inside.  I just keep telling myself I did this for me, not for them. :)

Wow I'm sorry your dealing with this. I think having a family member do this to you compared to a friend is more hurtful then anything.  I personally haven't been through this at all and I hope I dont. But I have been told by people that I took the easy way out and all. 

And honestly when people start with telling me that I start flipping because having this surgery is far from an easy fix at all. I think we deal with alot more then everyone feels like we do. And I don't hind that I had thr surgery because I did this for me no one else. And I feel like me telling my situation can help someone I'm going to make sure I share. Remember one thing you did this for yourself no oone's opinions matter. I hope things get better for you. Stay positive and keep pushing on.

I guess that is why it is so hard. She had asked all about it right when I had it done and knew it would be difficult. Then she said I cheated and took the easy way out and threw things out at me like go eat some baby food or have a protein shake. When she said that to me I just replied back with Educate yourself. 

Honestly, I believe some people just fight nasty. It's sad. They don't realize how the words never go away- they stick with you. If you hadn't had surgery- or even had no weight to lose anyway- she just would have found another soft spot to attack.

Take heart in knowing that you DIDN'T take the easy way out, you are NOT a bad person. She is just an angry abusive one. I got into an argument with my sister once and she said some TERRIBLE hateful things. We've made up, but I can never forget the things she said to me.  It's just sad- but it's her loss to have such a sad heart that has to say those things. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Chin up!! You rock and are doing a great thing.

Thank you. Yeah she is one of those people. It takes a lot for me to get mean but even then I didn't say anything that hateful to her and it wasn't until she said those mean things and threatened me.

I cannot imagine getting into it with my sister that badly, she is my best friend. I understand making up but not forgetting. I don't think I will ever forgive or forget what she has said. 

Thank you for your kind words!! You're right, I know this way is not easy and that I still have to work my butt off to make it work!

Sounds to me like SHE is the one with insecurities - AND she is a hurtful person.  She knew what to throw at you and how to hurt you.  That's just mean.  Stay away from her.

I'm sorry that happened to you - and during this time when our hormones are crazy because of the rapid weight loss.

You did right by blocking her. 

As far as telling folks, I had some comments before my surgery that were negative and decided not to tell anyone after that.  Once I lost weight and if someone really wanted to know how I did it, I let them know.  My posture on this was "you can't argue with success"... arm yourself with knowledge too (especially when they start trying to talk facts on problems, people dying, etc). 

I had a friend who's sister is a nurse. He said she says there's always someone dying from the surgery.  I was surprised and told him the complications and chance of dying are the same as someone having a gallbladder surgery. 

Keep your chin up.  I know it hurts but you will be the proud one when you get to goal and stay there!  like I said - you can't argue with success!!

I agree. I mean it got bad. My weight and my family(kids and boyfriend of 8 years) was brought into the argument. Some of the things about my weight that she said pertained to my relationship. I did tell her to stop projecting her own insecurities on to me. I do think my crazy hormones made it hurt more. It would have hurt anyways- I wear my heart on my sleeve- but I think since she knew where to hit it made it so much worse. 

I will not pretend like I was not mean a few times but not once did I say anything that would deeply wound her when I probably could have. I don't like making people feel bad about themselves. I had no choice but to block her, she was sending messages for hours even though I stopped replying. It was like she was enjoying it. 

Anyways- I had thought about not telling people but it seems that the people in my family on both sides thought it was okay to tell even without my permission. There were only a handful of people I wanted to know. I figured I would tell others as my journey progressed if it came up. However, that option it seems has been taken away. 

I will for sure make sure I continue educating myself for that reason. I think it was going to depend on the type of person who asked and how their attitude was already. 

Thank you! Will do. My boyfriend, who loves me regardless of my weight, told me just to make sure I am working out so it'll help my skin and then she'll see that she is just wrong. I really don't think my skin will be that bad anyways. Two years ago I lost 70 pounds and my skin was still really nice looking, so I am hoping I get lucky again this go around. Plus I am mid 20's so I heard that helps.