Judgemental Friends

I didn't tell people outside my immediate family and a few coworkers about my surgery but it slipped that I had surgery in general and one of my long time friends that I don't see often because we live far apart (and she and her husband are one-uppers) asked why and what my surgery was and I don't know what to say without feeling like a liar or opening myself up to judgemental remarks. I'd rather just avoid it but I know that's probably not entirely healthy either 

advice?!

I have been very open about my surgery.  In the beginning, before surgery, everyone was fine with it or at least didn't tell me if they weren't.  sure, i got the "you aren't big enough" but I was comfortable saying that it was a decision my Dr and I made for my health.  Afterward, many of those folks said they had been scared for me but also didn't want to scare me.  Everyone has their surgery horror stories of folks who had problems, didn't lose weight, gained it all back, yada, yada yada.

These days a lot of folks only know me this size.  I don't feel the need to say anything unless I have to explain why I eat the way I do, still do protein suppliments, take handfuls of vitamins, etc.  Old friends say they can't remember me fat. 

I would be comfortable saying it was a medical decision.  while you are losing it is hard to believe that it won't always be a big deal.  There really will be a time when you are just you again.  You will eat differently than you used to (hopefully) and you will probably safe guard your new health with more diligence than you used to but you will be just you.

If it really is a big deal for her, maybe she isn't that good a friend.  Maybe losing her is part of gettting healthy too.

Thank you so much, what an amazing and true response. I continue to be so happy I joined this community. 

Most people are much better with words than I am. Price is spot on. Hang in there and ignore her...your decision, your life.

--gina

To tell or not to tell is a very personal decision.  I had a bad experience pre-op with telling someone (didn't even know who she was) and vowed to NOT tell anyone again (except for my family).  I knew my mother wouldn't be on-board so I didn't tell her until the night before.  She was still pretty vocal after but I shut her down about it.  She now sees me as a healthy daughter.

I was much more open after I lost my weight as I figured you "can't argue with success".  Yes, people have their stories but the more you educate yourself about the surgeries the more you can discuss with them.

As far as your friend goes - you don't have to respond if you feel her comments will be negative.  Did you have hernia repair when you had your surgery?  If so - perhaps that could be your response? We have found that during weight loss that "cleaning house" also pertained to friends who didn't want to see us smaller/healthier/etc because it threatened them. 

Good luck and glad to see you here!

Thanks! I did ignore it and it hasn't come up again so maybe she got the hint!! 

:-)