Feeling guilty for choosing surgery

Okay so being a lightweight, and as surgery is getting closer, I am beginning to feel guilty for choosing surgery. Also being a lightweight, I don't want to share with others that I am getting surgery.  Did anyone else feel that way? How did you deal with it and overcome it?  I seem to rationalize it more like I am having a cosmetic procedure.  If someone can buy bigger boobs, a new face and a tummy tuck... Why can't I buy a smaller stomach?

As lightweights we've heard "why can't you just diet - you don't need to lose that much"... but in reality - how many times have you lost/gained your weight?  I think I lost probably a couple of hundred pounds over my "obese" period.. and didn't keep any of it off - before surgery.

There's many of us who didn't share.  I had a bad experience with a total stranger when I went into a "smoothie" place that also served protein drinks that was recommended by the bariatric support team.  I vowed then not to tell ANYONE until afterwards and after I lost weight.  I did tell my Mom the night before...  she's a negative nelly too...  My husband (at the time) and daughter were supportive.  When I lost the weight is when I became more open about it.  You can't argue with success!  Now - the hard part is KEEPING it off... but during your first 12-18 months is when you have the best restriction/malabsorption (depends on the surgery you're getting) and that's when you learn to eat to keep it off.  You develop new life-long eating habits!

Do this for YOU - not for what someone else thinks you should do.  You will NOT regret it!  And if you want to look at it in the realm of cosmetic surgery - go for it - but it has so many health benefits too.  I think that's the reason most of us get the surgery - to get rid of the pesky medical issues we have...

Welcome and good luck!

The reason you're feeling guilty is because you are judging yourself - this is totally YOU doing this to YOU.  You don't need to justify it or explain it to anyone.  When someone tells me that I didn't lose weight the "right way" I look at them and say, "Really?  Tell me, how do you wash clothes?  Do you use a washing machine or go down to the river and pound it on rocks?"  Because in my mind, WLS is just another invention that has made something incredibly difficult a bit easier, especially for those of us with chronic obesity issues.  

Another favorite of mine is when people said, "You cheated!"   My response:  "You bet I did!  I cheated death out of an extra 10 years of my life; I cheated the pharmaceutical companies out of thousands of dollars of my money by getting off all those meds; I cheated Lane Bryant out of thousands of dollars for their crappy overpriced clothes; and for certain I cheated the fast food companies out of tens of thousands of dollars cuz I'm pretty sure my hubby and I personally paid for at least one set of those golden arches in our fair city.  So yup, I sure did cheat!"
And that usually shuts them up pretty fast 

What a good answer!

Love this! 

Oh thank you so much! You hit it right on... it's me doing it to me.  I am choosing the sleeve. Yes I have lost weight many times...  and I feel I can lose weight again.... but what happens is that it always finds its way back on again. I swear if I am not actively trying to deprive myself and lose weight then I am gaining it.  I can never maintain a set weight, and I never have been able to do so.  So I was back on track to do a major try at weight loss, AGAIN, when I went with a friend to an information session at a bariatric center, wearing my bodymedia device and my carrying my liter of water.  The surgeon said that the chances of losing weight and keeping it off were less that 5%.  Gee, thanks! But he's absolutely right.... Yes I can lose weight - but I can't ever keep it off. I disregard him for another two weeks because my insurance carries an exclusion to weightloss surgery.  Then decided that I would just do it, I'll pay for it out of pocket, with the same mentality I said earlier, if other people can have surgery to modify their body, why can't I.    But as I am getting closer I just feel guilty. There are other people that are larger than me in my work, and all around me.

Thank you for your posts, they are encouraging me.

I'm with you.  I "only" have 80 lbs to lose and, consequently, I don't fit into the stereotypical "obese" person's image.  Well those 80 lbs are making my life challenging and I want them gone once and for all.  I don't want to listen to the negative self talk in my head every day about not looking my best and certainly not feeling my best.  It's my fault, my self talk says, and now I'm taking such a drastic step to fix something that I "should" be able to fix myself?  All this negative self talk is exhausting!  

I'm coming to the end of it for myself as I draw nearer to my date.  I seem to be wrapping it up in my head that I'm okay and this is okay and getting back my life as I knew it is going to be more than okay! I have actually had a hard time feeing excited about this when others are counting down the days before they can have their surgery mostly because I don't see myself as "heavy enough" to really "need" it.  Well in my world 80 lbs is a heck of a big number of pounds to lose and keep off!!  If it was that simple I would have done it years ago.  So step aside folks, I may not be heavy enough or sick enough in your estimation to warrant having this surgery, but you don't stand in my shoes nor do you live in my skin - the skin I haven't felt comfortable in for 25 years.  It's about me and for me and I'm reaching for the life I want in the body I remember.

All the best to you Noragretz as you reach for the life you want.  Good for you!

I totally "get it" when you say there are other people larger than you.  Well - that's THEIR choice... and also, how tall are you?  I find most of us lightweights are relatively short in stature.  While we may not weigh as much as the other folks, according to the BMI scale we are still morbidly obese.  When I'm told "you're not big enough" I told them "I'm morbidly obese".  That shut them up quickly.

Congrats on taking care of yourself!  Whether if it's for health or your keeping your sanity - you deserve what you want.  Heck, I had my tummy tuck and my "girls" done.  Yep - I had to pay for them.  Yep - I didn't have to do it, but I did to make myself feel better about myself. 

Glad you came to visit - keep us posted about how you're doing!

I think we all have different concerns before WLS. If rationalizing helps you accept get through this period then that's what you need to do.  After surgery and the weight starts coming off our thoughts seem to stray in another direction...WOW I'M LOOKIN GOOD!!!!

No guilt here!!!!   I don't think I cheated and I share all of the time and never once has anyone made me feel that way. I tried for over 30 years to lose weight and keep it off.  I didn't do this for health reasons either.  I did it for me and I think of it as a huge Blessing!!  Plain and simple....I love being thin!! 

There are some of our posters and a few personal friends who don't share about the WLS.  If that's what you need to do for now then do it.  After you loose your weight you might start feeling comfortable with it.  Before long people stop noticing that you have changed and you start thinking "thin is normal for me" .

You might be a lightweight on this board, but to the rest of the world you are a heavyweight.  I needed to lose 70 pounds and many people told me that I was not big enough for surgery.  I had surgery anyway, lost the 70 pounds and life is so much better.