Newbie/Advice/Lurker

Hi,

So I've been lurking and trying to gather as much info as possible.  I am considering the gastric sleeve for surgery.  I started having issues with food and weight when I was 18 (34 now).  I've gained and lost a lot of weight over the years but I am at my heaviest now.  My BMI is right at 35 and can fluctuate between mid 35 to high 34 so I know that can be tricky for qualifying.  I am very tall but I have 100 pounds to lose.  I don't have any comorbidities right now but before I lost a lot of weight in 2007 I had labs that indicated I was pre-diabetic (lost 60 pounds at that time, have gained it all back plus more).  I am now 40 pounds heavier than that point.  I've been on the weight loss roller coaster for years.  I can gain and lose a lot in a short amount of time but I can't maintain.  What scares me is that I am over 30 so it is getting harder and I haven't had kids yet, so I imagine the rest of my life battling this and never being able to truly have a healthier relationship with food because it's always diet mode or binge mode.  I do struggle with binge eating and emotional eating. It was getting out of control recently and I got some more help in the form of a therapist that deals with eating disorders.  I plan to continue seeing her.  The problem is I'm trying not to focus on weight but I can't help it when I'm so unhappy and uncomfortable.  Research over the years (when I hit my low emotional points I start researching WLS) keeps leading me to the gastric sleeve.  The band seems to have a lot of unsatisfied customers and complications and I don't want a total reroute with a bypass.  The thought of altering my body scares me, but the thought of remaining like this scares me more.  I will probably do self pay vs trying to fight insurance especially since I am not fat or sick enough.  The added factor is I am engaged and I'm overwhelmed at the thought of walking down the aisle this big.  Even with work (which I am doing...food choices and workouts) I won't be even near my goal.  I read books, I see the therapist, I journal, I pack foods, I am cutting out bad habits (eating on couch, in front of tv).  I have a lot of education and degrees in health and science including physical fitness and I used to be very athletic.  I am a prime example that knowledge doesn't equal results.  I know what to do, but I have a hard time doing it.  I guess I just need some guidance on what your mental process was going into this. 

How did any of you grieve food?  Was the knowledge of restriction enough to keep you from doing harm (eating something you shouldn't)?  How did you make peace with that before the surgery? (I plan on continuing to see my food therapist as regardless of the physical surgery I want to deal with the "head hunger".)

What did you do to prepare for surgery as far as trying to change habits? 

Was there a point you were afraid you couldn't do it? Or delayed surgery for those fears?

This is a big scary, life changing thing and i guess it's just fear of the unknown.  I see a lot of people who express regret that they didn't do it earlier in life.  So maybe this is my moment....or maybe I will be contemplating this again in 5 or 10 years with added pounds and health issues. 

Thank you in advance for taking the time to answer.  Please be gentle.  :)

Lots of good questions.  I know you are very seriously thinking about this and it is a big decision.  I was 62 and certainly one of those that wishes I had done it sooner.

I think I am a jock at heart.  I loved riding  as a child and was a cheerleader, etc.  As an adult, I have been plagued with a bad knee from a fall in the 7th grade.  but at one point when I lost 60lbs, I was a runner, until my hips gave out.  For the last 15 years, I have been competing in carriage driving but as a fat old lady with a bad knee, it was getting harder and harder.  I wanted my life back.

I had tried everything, lost and gained back over and over.  I don't think I ate bad, I just ate for someone 6'4" (my husband) instead of what I needed for me at 5'.  I am and always have been a rule follower.  So that kept me from eating things that weren't on program.  I followed my program to the T.  I guess I did have some moments of wondering if it would work for ME, but I kept being assured, here and with my surgeon group.

My group had a very specific program.  6 months of classes, 2 a month including a 1500 diet.  4 weeks of pre-op diet, optifast.  Weekly meeting with each diet phase change after surgery until we were about 3 months out, then every few weeks.  Saw the Dr at 1 week, 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, 18 months, 2 yr, 3 yr and forever after that annually.  Yes, it was a lot but it did prepare me very well and support me.  My group even has a pshycologist that we can see for life for free if we need it.

So now, 3 yrs + out.  I met my goal and keep changing it downward.  I have stablized around 128 which is the top of normal BMI but I only have 19% bodyfat which is UNDERfat, really!!!  I go to muscle pump 2x a week, yoga 1x a week, drive my ponies every chance I can and ride my large pony. After losing 100lbs I still had a bad knee.  So I had it replaced and it isn't great.  So now I am a skinny old lady with a bad knee replacement.  I am still competing, off all meds and my drs are thrilled with me.  Me too.

this is a great group.  Hang around and ask questions as they come up.  We love to help

Welcome aboard!  

--gina