Friends, Food, Frustration

I have two things coming up very quickly that I don't want to deal with.  Tuesday two friends and I are supposed to go out to dinner together. I am much closer to one friend than the other...the other is really a friend of my friend.  I like her, I'm just not close to her.  Our mutual friend wants to bring us  all together so periodically we have these dinners.  Well it's the one I'm not that close to choice on where we go...she chose a Diner!  I have no idea how to handle that!  I never ate in diners before the surgery, I'm just not a fan of that sort of food with the exception of breakfast.  I checked the menu and everything is huge,  fatty and/or fried. Of course she is a bone rack so doesn't matter what she eats...

Oh and not sure if I said before but no one knows I had this surgery so I can't just come out and say what I want.

# 2 issue.  A long time friend is getting married for the first time and it's a big deal.  We're no spring chickens! :) She was my best friend in High School.  Her grown up best friend detests me, petty jealousy...and she is having a dinner party in honor of the big event.  I really don't want to go.  It is very hard for me to be around this person.  Throw in food and drinks and her unending scrutiny of every move I make,  I'm sorta freaking out a little.  I know my friend will be very upset with me if I don't go. But I'm having nightmares of eating something that will make me dump and make a fool of myself.  

Challenges are hard, especally in the beginning.  Here are a few things that could help

Don't ever eat something out that you haven't tried at home, especially early out.  So look at the menu and see what may be a possibility.  Soup was a good choice for me early.  If you can handle eggs, most diners will do breakfast anytime of day. Can you handle deli meat?  order a sandwich (or half) and just eat the middle out.  Just say you aren't hungry or something. 

I didn't have to deal with hiding it.  I was open but that is your choice so you need to come up with what you are willing to say.  "my Dr and I have me on a new diet", which isn't a lie, would work.

In terms of the party.  Wear a great dress and go.  Have a blast.  Put a little something on your plate and move it around.  Eat before you go so you aren't temped to go off program.  If there is alcohol, get whatever and hold it.  At somepoint, pour some out in the bathroom or kitchen.  No one will know it is your first glass.

this is the first challenges of many to come.  Figure it out and get used to it.  Remember you are on your way to being a healthier, more wonderful you.  Project that now and you will have these situations knocked.

Price gave you some very good advice.  Be very careful of new foods early out...

As to the 2nd situation.  Is there any way you can let your friend know how uncomfortable you are around this other person?  You may need to feign a headache and leave early if needed... just make your presence known and go.  Dinner parties are even harder than Diners, as you have no control over what is being served - and typically don't know ahead of time what is being served.  Would your friend be supportive of your surgery?  If so, let her know - if  not, then don't. 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.  It may turn out better than you think... (hopefully!). 

Even at 5.5 years out I still hate eating out.  I usually order from the kids menu or share something with DH.  Scrambled Eggs were a nightmare for me early out so I think I would avoid them unless you have had them at home.  My go to foods early out were Soup or a Grilled Cheese.

I always did really good at parties and get togethers.  I roamed around and talked to everyone I knew and was one of the last people to go through the line. Avoid sugar and fat because that's what we usually dump on.  I usually always look at menus ahead of time and sometimes I call the venue and ask what is being served.  They usually don't ask your name and you can just tell them you have a medical condition.

Keep us updated!

Excellent advice!  Price you gave me some very sound advice and ways around this situation I never would have thought of, thank you so much!  

I think I will invent a second event that I need to attend with my husband and we'll stop by "have a drink" which I won't drink and then be on our way.  I do feel like I need to go for her sake and I can suck it up and be a big girl for an hour or so.  Part o my problem is vanity if I'm honest.  This woman, the friend of hers who doesn't like me, owns a gym.  She is very fit and very judgemental.  If I were smaller, I'd feel better.  But regardless, I am not and I still need to show up for my friend. 

As for the diner situation tonight, I'll figure something out.  I think they have a baked half-of chicken, I can pick on that and hopefully won't get a lot of unwanted attention about not eating it all or ordering dessert.  

Thanks for the advice, I really do appreciate it!  

I think Price gave you some awesome advice that I am tucking away for myself!  And while I wholeheartedly agree that eating something new in public for the first time is less than ideal - somethimes it can't be helped.  Just remember that without the Band - you don't have to worry (too much) about getting stuck or throwing up.  That is really one of the best features of the RNY for me at least :)  Also another thing I have learned that is different from the Banded life is that when I eat something that doesn't sit well (ie: too much fat) it isn't immediate.  I feel like death warmed over about 20 minutes later.  So plenty of time to squat and gobble and then run away! 

And definitely get yourself a great new outfit.  Breeze into the party, smile, grab a drink and lift your glass to your friend.  Then make your excuses and go.  It'll be fine.  These are just a few blips early on that you need to learn how to manage and then share how you managed so we can all learn from the grown-ups!  I avoided a few events early out in this process so I know how you feel.  But I have also avoided some now that I am thin because I don't want to deal with THAT kind of attention either.  Think I need some big girl panties too 

Well, I cleared hurdle #1.  They didn't have the same menu in the restaurant that they had online but I managed to get a grilled pork chop and steamed broccoli.  I also committed to my friend that I'd be there Saturday night.