Five months out on Monday bring on the abuse

I know it's been awhile since i've been on but there has been beyond busy. In the past month I have started college full time to work towards my bachelors degree, I started a full time job, my son was hospitalized for being suicidal for 19 days and had to fight to have him removed and placed into a partial hospitalization outpatient, and I got engaged the day after my 38th birthday. I'm happy to say my son is home and trying really hard to progress in a positive way, I have been working really hard but my boss is messing with my schedule all of the sudden making it difficult to spend time with my son who is still having difficulties, my wedding plans have been difficult because my money situation is that of a poverty level of one person even though there are three of us. (Can you imagine trying to live on poverty level for a single person taking care of three of us?) And I have been waking up around 4 am every morning even on the weekends to try getting most of my school work done before work so that I have a LITTLE time with my son when I get home. Even though I still have hours of school work to do after work. So that is my personal life. 

How it is effecting my surgery life::::: I am struggling with my goals. In five months I have lost 51 lbs. With every week my weight bounces three to four pounds. After each pound or two that I loose I gain three or four pounds temporarily. So at the end of each week it looks like I lost 4-6 lbs but really only 3-4 pounds of it is loosing what I had lost the week before. This is very frustrating. I'm trying to keep up with my protein. I have found protein that food stamps cover. Yes I said it, The evil words Public Assistance, and if anyone has a problem with that they can deal with it themselves because they don't know what it's like to live in my shoes and NOONE in their RIGHT MIND would choose to live this way. I need the extra help while I continue to try to get off of disability for my Bipolar. ANy way that is neither here nor there. Because of my lack of funds for food ( MY cash ALL goes to bills ) It is cheaper to buy junk food, WIth my stomach smaller I can buy a bag of chips that will last me five or six meals for a few dollars compared to the two meals I will get out of a healthy meal for the same price or even more expensive depending on what i get. This is why I bought the protein powder. I discovered muscle milk is covered on food stamps which many are not covered. I would prefer body fortress because for like 20 more calories it  is the same price. BUT it's not covered and needing $50 cash to get it just doesn't cut it. I have been trying to stick to two shakes a day and one meal, usually meat but usually junk food. My weight loss is slowing down. I'm only loosing about 6 lbs a week sometimes a little more. The only good thing is that I am forgetting to eat so I'm not eating the junk food as often. The other thing about using muscle milk is that for 300 calories I get a few more grams of protein than the 30 grams of protein you get in with body fortress. I wish I had the cash for the higher carbs but at least I'm getting 32 grams opposed to 20+ I'm averaging about 45 grams of protein a day. I'm trying to improve that but it has not been easy.

Life has been extremely stressful because everything seems to be happening at once. I tried to quit smoking two days before my sons hospitalization and I just couldn't do it without loosing my mind myself. My bipolar needs some kind of vice while I am transitioning to all of these changes and I don't want to become one of those people who transfer their addictions to something like shopping or drinking. My mom has been providing me with cigarettes and I have already maxed my credit cards ( Due to needing gas money to visit my son through his hospitalization.. it was two h ours away. ) So my only release right now is smoking.

I want to get back on track and I'm finding with me being at work, the shakes are harder to get in but my smoking has been less. My stress level has gone up three notches but I am trying to get back on track. I'm trying to get my protein in  and while at work it's easier to get my liquids in. So I'm drinking more so thats good but it doesn't seem to affect my weight loss. I know this is alot of probably unneeded information but it paints the picture of where I am and I'm sure I'm going to offend many people about me getting public assistance but I'm sorry that is where I am right now. ANY way, is there a way to get back on track with the means that I have.

I have not been able to get a membership for a gym. Tried getting free membership at the ymca but there is so much paperwork that you need to get it is next to impossible. I can't even use student loans to get it because my loans are going to be about half of what I thought I was going to get. I won't even be able to pay off my credit cards. UGH.

Wow you've a very full plate ( no pun intended). I think you know what you need to do~~you are trying to eat according to plan. I hope you take time to take care of yourself. You are worthy. You are coping. I hope every thing works out soon for you. Good luck

thanks you very much for your kindness and lack of judgement!! I appreciate it.

I did post you some advise on the VSG board.  Here I am just posting (((hugs)))

Anne

I read your post on the VSG forum, then came here to read your full post.  Never be ashamed of needing help.  Why do we pay taxes to support programs if none of us are supposed to use them?  When I was a kid, my parents divorced and my mother ended up on welfare and food stamps and lived in public housing.  She worked her butt off to get out of that situation and is now the manager of her local food bank, giving back to one of the organizations that helped her out when she needed it. 

On that note, have you checked out the food bank?  It's not going to have much that's VSG friendly, but it will have food the other people in your house can eat.  Also, they pretty much always give out beans, and those are VSG friendly.  Tuna is another good protein source they often give out.  You mentioned chips are cheap and you can get multiple servings out of a bag.  A can of refried beans is 85 cents at wal-mart and has four servings and is on your weight loss plan.  Sardines are 88 cents and provide you with your omega 3s in addition to the protein.  Also they take no prep, which it sounds like you need with all your time commitments.

I'm guessing since you work with kids you can't smoke at work.  Does your insurance pay for smoking cessation aids?  As in, can you get them to pay for nicotine patches for when you're at work so you're not dealing with withdrawal along with everything else?  Also, when you're at work, what are they having you eat?  Employers are required to provide reasonable accommodation, so if they're trying to make you eat things that are unhealthy you can use that to get out of it. 

I wouldn't even worry about the gym membership.  You can work out at home and it will take less time out of your day since you don't have to make a separate trip.  Heck, take your son for a walk with you.  I know it sounds too easy, but research has shown repeatedly that exercise helps with depression, as does sunshine.  They're no cure all, but they can't hurt.  I really hope he's doing ok.

I don't know why you thought people would bring out the abuse.  This is one of the most supportive websites I've seen, and we all want each other to succeed.  Good luck with everything that's going on, and remember, you may be losing slow, but you're down 51 lbs and still losing.  Where would you be if you hadn't had the surgery?

THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!!! There is such a stigma when it comes to mental illness, public assitance, and disability. I guess that fear is in me. I don't want to have to defend my situation when it's bad enough as it is. I am going to set up a plan to bring foods iwth me that are acceptable. I bought a lot of atkins meals that are high protein. That will help me eat healthy and stick to plan. I found those microwave meals can make it appropriate for fairly cheap since I can get two meals out of three dollars. they are not a good choice for those with normal size stomachs because you can eat a whole one and still need more but I'm lucky enough that it is two meals. ANy way thank you again for the support I really appreciate it moer than you know. Right now I need all of the support I can get.

Food stamps are a god send.  I was on public assistance when my kids were little and I thank god I live in a country that takes care of it's people who aren't able to for whatever reason.

That said, I am going to give you some tough love because saying "there, there" and patting you on the head may feel good but it isn't really helpful in the long run.

First, you can eat healthy with food stamps.  I know I did for the first few years out of surgery when I had practically no money and all I got in food stamps was about $40.  The great thing is with our small stomachs we don't need a lot of food.  What I did, and still do, is buy a lot of ground beef and chicken on sale.  I was just able to buy 5 lbs of ground beef for $10, that is $2 a pound of pure protein.  Then I cook it up however I like, whether it is chili, a casserole or just plain with the chicken and I freeze it up so I have convenient meals ready without having to cook because I don't really like to cook and I would rather cook once a week then daily.  I found a Showtime Jr at a thrift store for $5 and I've found roasts in the discount bin for $4.  Pop that on the rotisserie and I have meals for several days.  It is a challenge but it can be done.  I don't buy much produce because I eat so little that I wind up tossing it so I just buy a small amount, like a serving size, from my local produce stand.  I can buy one apple or one banana or a few pieces of broccoli for almost nothing and not waste it.  

Have you tried food banks?  That don't give you the healthiest of options but it may be good for the rest of the family.  I did that a lot, too, when I needed to.  

Next, here comes the smoking lecture.  I've been there.  Even after surgery I started smoking again.  And quit again.  And started again.  And finally quit last June, God willing for good but I never say never.  It is a hard habit to break and truthfully I didn't quit for my health, although that is a damn good reason to.  I quit because it is expensive.  And yes, I understand the credit card thing because when I was out of work for 3 years I used them a lot and I bought a lot of cigarettes with them.  And now I have to pay them off, which is a ***** but at least I have a job now so they are history.  But in June my youngest turned 18 and that was the end of her death benefits from her dad and there was just no way to pay for cigarettes.  Even with a job I don't have an extra few hundred laying around a month.  So I quit.  Again.  What is helping me the most is I bought an e cig online very cheap.  If you are seriously interested I could send you one.  I started with high nicotine liquid, went to med, then low and now I use zero nicotine liquid for those times I get cravings, which thankfully is rare.  To me it tastes just like a hit of a cigarette without the harshness.  This is the first time I have quit and not have cravings.  And I gained zero weight because I never got the urge to snack because I had the e cig.  

I mean what I said.  I am expecting some e cigs in the mail that I got for my neighbor and if you are interested I could send you one with some liquid to get you started.  It doesn't always help everyone and it isn't supposed to be to help you quit as much as a substitute and for me it didn't help me quit but it does help me stay off of cigarettes.  Send me a message if you are interested with your address and I'll send it to you as soon as it arrives.