WLS Bias?

Hello;

I don't know if anyone else has encountered this, but in the support group I attend, a few of the ladies have expressed the opinion that I was "too small" to have WLS.  I had a BMI of 40 at consultation and my surgery wt was 232.  I am supposed to be sorry(according to the few)that I didn't get up to the 300's or wait until that super morbidly-obese point before I decided to do something about this lifelong problem. I also had several co-morbidities seriously messing up my life at a 40 BMI prior to surgery.  Since I wanted to live not just exist on dialysis, with amputations, etc. I chose to have WLS. I continue to go to support group post-op to keep on-track, not for theories on how "skinny" I am!  I hate to gripe about this, since I only had 100-110 lbs to lose, not hundreds like some in our community but my issues regarding the weight are just as real if I weighed more.

How common is this in the WLS Community?  

Oh yes, as a Lightweight you'll encounter this.  I also had it.  In fact, I was sitting in the surgeons office on a pre-surgery visit and I had someone say "when was your surgery - I said "not yet"  well that's when I heard 'Huh?  you're too small"...

Don't let it mess with you.  We are who we are.  We have our health issues.  We deserve this just like everyone else.

 

Yep, the big girls gotta get their 2 cents in. Hang tough. The criteria for WLS in this country is 35 with comorbidities or 40 without for a reason and it's not all about appearance. You're just more proactive than they are. Hold your head high.

--gina

 

Don't worry, when you have lost your 100 pounds and no one recognizes you, all those naysayers will understand why you had surgery.  'You look FANTASTIC, you don't even look like the same person, you have lost one whole person".   That is what I am hearing now.  Good for you for being proactive.  I am a nurse and have taken are of many Super morbidlly obese patients their health situation is perilous, good for you and all us lightweights for doing something now not later.

Anne

Some of the biggers ones get it. Some never will. How you want to respond will depend on whether you think they will get it and how much you feel like defending yourself.

But think about this: how many times does someone on the surgery boards ask "do you have any regrets?" and 75% of the people say "I regret I didn't do this sooner!" Yet some of those same people think we're "too small" to get the surgery -- that they wish they'd gotten 20 years ago -- when they were smaller. 

Some of them will "get it" if you point that out in a kind way. Or if you say you meet the insurance criteria. Or point out your co-morbidities.

Personally, I think it's pretty rude and judgmental to tell someone they are "too small" to have surgery to their face and my surgeon wouldn't let that kind of behavior go on in support groups.

But, if it continues to go on in yours and you get annoyed with it  and want them to shut up and leave you alone, you can be rude right back. You can tell them that statistically lightweights are more likely to get to goal and stay there and you are glad you were smart enough to get surgery before you were "too big" for it to be as effective and the damage to your body was too great to be totally repaired. See if they like that! LOL

Thats sad that your "support groupers" would say things like that.   I can honestly say in over a year that I have been going to my group I have never heard that said to one of our group members.  Everyone has this surgery for than the one obvious reason.  Many people have it to control their diabetes or to help with migraines.  Sounds like some of the people in your group need to be reminded that the purpose of this surgery is to get healthier and help eliminate some of the future problems you could have.  Sorry that the one place that should be supporting you has not been 100% there for you. Are there any other groups in your area that you could try out?  Or maybe take the leader aside and let her know how hurtful it is that others are saying this to you.  One good thing you have all your friends on this site to help you through.  

I got it and just said, I meet the criteria and I want my life back.  I have friends who were lightweights and are still heavy and friends who lost 200 lbs and are still way overweight.  Sometimes I look at them and am sorry they didn't do it sooner and/or follow the program but the only one you can control is you.  It's your life and a decision between you and your Dr.

I'm almost finding that attitude with the office staff at my surgeon's office. I'm having this surgery because I'm 5'1" with a very petite bone structure and started at 229 lbs. I can barely stand up, I've developed arthritis in my back, can't breathe with exertion, high blood sugar, etc... I noticed last night at the support meeting that the staff was VERY helpful to those that were much larger than me but kind of blew me off. The staffer didn't know me and I walked up to her first and said hello and before I could even ask my question, she turned around and started talking to two other people. I'm not a super sensitive person but it was very obvious.

Today, is my last pre-surgery appointment and when I asked when I should check in with the office to see if they had received all the documentation they needed, the staffer said, "oh a week or two at least." I then asked about how long I should plan take off of work as my supervisor has asked me to check in with HR to find out what we need to do for short term disability and the staffer replied, "oh, you won't get a date for a long time so don't worry about it." I talked to the receptionist on Monday and she said there were many openings in November. Aetna usually takes 10 days or less to make a decision and I am only required to be on the liquid diet 1 week pre-op which means I could realistically have surgery in November.

I have been very strict with my pre-surgery process and have lost 18 lbs. I guess I'm starting to feel that because I'm not quite as large as some others, there is no feeling of urgency with the office staff but I want and NEED this surgery just as much as non-lightweights.

Sorry for the rant. I'm not usually negative but I'm feeling very disappointed this morning and needed to vent.

 

OK, I'm going to edit. I called my surgeon's office today and spoke to a different nurse and we have everything in order. She was very helpful and I should be submitted to insurance next week. Whew!!!! Sorry for venting before. :-)

Arrived late to this post~~I am so happy to be a lightweight because I could tell how bad my health was becoming ~~ I didn't another 50to 100 pounds added to my body! I am pleased that I only have 100 pounds to lose because good health and a long life is in my future~~ yet I have felt some people's judgment about WLS. Sad that that there are those whose attitudes are so confining. Blessings y'all,