feeling really low today...

That has got to be rough.  I can't imagine my parents moving in with me.  They used to come and spend a month or two with me, and I was pretty sure someone was going to go to prison for murder by the end of it.

I can see why you hesitate to put your parents into assisted living.  I hope you find the best answer for you and them.  Hugs to you.

Thanks for the hugs, it feels good to know that I have support.

I'm in this awful place too. I moved my mom into my house 5 years ago. She's great and I love her, but she's codependent and needy and unhealthy.

I can't be healthy with her here or have a real relationship, and I've never been married. I'd love to move her into an apartment but she would freak out and frankly she contributes financially.

Anyway, I empathize. Generally, I think you need to have a separate life to be healthy and it does t sound like there's any reason your parents can't live seperately from you. On the other hand, make sure you aren't doing it soley for your boyfriend; if things are headed south and you so this and break up, you'll feel guilty even though it was the right decision.

Best of luck

It is awful isn't it?  Not always, but just enough and sometimes really bad.  Like now for me. 

I am sure I need to live separately from my parents in order to not resent them any more than I already do.  My bf doesn't really affect my decisions to much (which is part of his complaints with me) oh well... but you know... as the chief bread winner of the family... spending my hard earned money as I see fit is one right I refuse to give up.  I am not a real generous person with money, but I do have my soft spots.. (motorcycles, campers and vacations... oh and now CLOTHES yea...) But I give freely to the bills, and I give freely of my time (to much of it most days) so no one has any real complaints... they all (not my bf or my kids) expect to live as I do, and get really petty and resentful when I won't fund their activities. 

I think the only way I will not feel guilty is if I move to my own place.  The current "family" home I will just fund the basics (mortgage, taxes & insurance) and let my family take over it.  I just need to work out the financial part of it.  I may require they pay some rents to me to help offset the financial "donations" I am putting in towards the family.

I just need to get over this emotional episode so I can think rationally.  I am much better this AM, having made the decision to find out what I can do financially.  I just hope I don't get crushed when I take a long hard look at the numbers... I am sure I will have to give up some luxuries... but I just don't know how much.

Thanks for being here for me.

Lucy I feel your pain. My situation is different but in the same aspect. I am going through a nasty divorce which in turn has caused me to have to move back in with my parents. I don't live under there roof but across the yard from them in an apartment above the garage. I pay them rent, power and assist with my elderly grandfather who lives in the other house on the property. My brother who lives in my parents house (hasn't worked since the day our other brother died Sept 26, 2010) he is 34 years old. He mooches off my parents and him being my mom's "baby boy" plays on her emotions. He has sucked almost everyone in the family dry. He is in the process of getting disability but has been denied so we are in the process of appealing w/ an attorney. He and I get into it all the time. He drags my parents into our fights. Most of our fights are because he disrespects me (calling me a fat ***** stupid *****) which I won't stand for because I am getting out of an abusive relationship and I am tried of being a door mat. Funny part is he weighs more than me now (I haven't even had my surgery yet..lol).  I see my mom's health fading. Her and my stepdad's relationship taking a toll. But my brother thinks he is never wrong. he does nothing wrong. My mom keeps saying she is a bad mother because of how my brother turned out. But she forgets (which i remind her) that she has 6 other children that turned out to be law abiding citizens with great jobs and families (minus my husband and I). Our whole family dynamic had changed since Sgt. Donald Lee Parker (my other brother) died from injuries of war. I was the unfortunate soul to find him in his home deceased at the young age of 31. I was only 29. I have been scared for life with that being I am in the medical field and I tried to do CPR and wasn't able to save him.

So, the long of the short of it. I feel your pain. I struggle on a daily basis with depression and I would suggest if you can find a counselor in your area to seek help. Sometimes talking to a 3rd party who will listen and offer assistance is a great relief. I can vow for that. I wish you the best (hugs) I will pray for you and your family and that you will get the guidance you need.

With Love

Gillian

 

That's a tough one, Lucy...multigenerational living is very harrd...esp when the parents won't see the "child" as a grown adult.

How is your parent's health? You say "elderly" but how old? Are you the ONLY child or are there others who could step in to give you a break for awhile.

There are counselors out there and services out there to help with the sandwich generation.

Unfortunately it looks like this is not a situation quickly fixed and your boyfriend will move out...if you are actually relieved with that idea...maybe that is a good thing.

Good luck with however this comes out...and hugs.

It is tough... My parents health is not good on many different levels, both physically and mentally.  They are both 78 but Dad has mobility issues, COPD, and a really big head.  lol  He has been the head of our family since he was 23.  My Mom has recently gone down hill.  Two major surgeries in the last two years and she is suffering the beginnings of dementia so she really needs to be watched.  I do have a brother who lives in the same town as us, but he is on drugs and is barely able to help himself (or his wife, their kids and grandkids).  He is one of the main money moochers in our family... but not from me... from my Mom and Dad who feel the need to help keep him afloat.  Blah blah blah...

No one else lives in the same state or can or will help financially.  That's out of 6 of us... I am the only one who stepped up to the plate to help them... My late sister left her 3 boys behind and they are all in there early 20's.  No Job, In Jail, and in College... so yea another set of moochers to leech every bit of money from my Mom and Dad (their grandparents).  It is really these people and my Mom and Dad's insistence of giving everything they have and of course offering up my hospitality when ever they see fit, that I need to get a way from.

Enough of all this... I just need to figure my way out and quit *****ing about it.

Thanks for your support...I really do appreciate it.

Lucy, that is tough.

Sounds like you need emotional and physical support as well as find a way to get a break from your current situation.

Good luck and remember we are here if you need us.