Today Is A Big Milestone XPost

Ten years ago today I allowed myself to be wheeled into an OR and have my body surgically and permanently altered in the hope of forever defeating the obesity that has cursed me since I was about 12 years old.  I have no doubts about why I became obese.  I am a compulsive overeater.  I have been obsessed with food and eating since I could remember.  I am addicted to refined carbs, sugar and gluten.  And the more I ate of those things the more I wanted.

In 2002 I became morbidly obese for the first time.  The only reason it took so long is because for the previous 25 years or so I had been on the roller coaster diet road.  I would lose a great deal of weight and be normal sized because I would give up the refined carbs.  Then after a period of time I would convince myself that I would be able to handle them moderately.  I never could.  I honestly can't count how many times I lost and gained 50+ or more.  People never knew what to expect when they saw me.  I could be thin one year and the next time I saw them I was over 200 lbs.  I gained weight very quickly after I lost it.  My last time I weighed 150 lbs in January, 2009 and by January, 2010 I weighed 220 lbs.  And this was nearly 8 years after my first WLS.

I failed my first WLS because I never made any changes to the way I ate.  I thought, mistakenly of course, that having WLS would cure my obesity.  I heard what I wanted to hear and believed what I wanted to believe and when I heard people talk about not craving carbs any more and being made into a normal person I wanted to believe that would happen to me, too.

I lost 120 lbs originally and kept it off for, oh, about 20 minutes and it started coming back on.  Slowly at first.  I attributed it to bounce back when I reached 135 lbs.  I kept thinking that it was going to level out any minute but it didn't.  Of course it didn't occur to me that I might have to make some kind of sacrifices in order to maintain my weight.  I thought I would never have to diet again.  After all, didn't everyone say they lost XX amount of weight "forever"?

After several years I finally figured out that I would have to cut out the carbs in order to lose weight and keep it off.  The problem was, I was left with a sleeve that was way too large and I never experienced any restriction and I was always hungry.  I did manage to cut out the carbs and lose weight.  I got down to 150 lbs and couldn't lose another ounce.  I was fine with it.  I looked normal and was eating pretty well even though I was always hungry.  In Dec. 2008 something snapped and I started eating whatever I wanted and in no time I was packing the pounds back on.

I thought my WLS had failed me until I realized that when I was eating right I lost weight and kept it off.  It wasn't the surgery that failed, it was me that failed.  Not a hard thing to accept since I had failed every other weight loss attempt I ever made.  Around this time I also became very sick.  I was extremely fatigued and couldn't function.  I went days without dressing or showering.  I was too tired.  I became extremely apathetic.  I just didn't care about anything.  It took me a year to figure out that I could be deficient in vitamins.  I always took multivits but I wa**** or miss with the others and the surgery I had was very malabsorbent and I just didn't take care of myself.  I was also suffering from constant diarrhea and gas and bloating.  I was miserable.  I finally went back to my surgeon and begged for a reversal.  I was told a reversal wasn't possible but I could be revised so I would absorb more.

I had the revision over 2 years ago and this time I decided not to squander my opportunity and to actually follow directions.  It didn't hurt that for the first time I have restriction.  I can now experience satisfaction after eating instead of either extreme hunger or extreme fullness.

I know I am skimming over a lot but I feel like I have told my story so many times that I am sick of it.  The bottom line is that since July 23, 2010 I have avoided sugar and wheat.  I am happier about that then I am any weight loss.   I have maintained my weight for over a year and that is pretty new to me, too, but I am very grateful that I am no longer practicing my addiction to food.  I do credit the surgery for giving me a tool to help me avoid overeating and for the negative reinforcement I get when I eat sugar.  I found out I dumped by accident and I wasn't really unhappy about that.  It is not something I would voluntarily do so I have extra incentive to avoid things with sugar.

I consider myself very lucky in that I have had a pretty easy maintenance so far.  As long as I remain sugar free and gluten free I eat pretty much what I want, which fortunately isn't much since I avoid those things that cause me to have cravings.  I liken it to being a recovering alcoholic, which I am also.  As long as I accept that I can't handle any amount of those things I don't want them.  It's when I start trying to rationalize "just a taste" that I can find myself in trouble.  Like they say, one is too many and a thousand isn't enough.

Now for the mandatory before/after pics.

 

This is what I looked like right before my first surgery.

This was taken last month.

 

Thank you for your story. It is a good reminder for those of us who are still new to this journey to pay attention to those addictions and to pay attention to our bodies. I actually forgot my vitamins today which has only happened twice. BOTH times I was on these boards and got a reminder! About one month ago and now tonight with your story. Those vitamins are absolutely necessary but so easy to just forget after awhile. Congratulations on maintaining 

Thanks for sharing your entire story, I think it helps us all to know that we have to contribute also.

Hope your job is going good!! Congratulations and I am so glad you are feeling better!!

Tazz, you have always been so helpful and supportive and I love it when you lay your whole story out.  Folks need to know that, yes, they can out eat any surgery and that surgery cures some stuff, but not our head.  Thanks for all you do for the LWs.

Thanks Tazz! You are amazing! Just what I needed this morning another reminder that I need to stay away from refined carbs. I really dont want to fail, but have been floundering. Just the reminder I needed now that I am in maintenance mode!

Wish I could give you a big squeeze!

Maria

 

Tazz - always great to hear your story.  You are the voice of reality - you've BTDT - you know what the surgery has to offer, but you also know how to get around it's benefits.

This is an important story for all of us to hear, regardless if we are 1 month out or 5 years out.  We all need to realize how and why we got to the MO stage, and then let the surgery do it's job, and we do our job of making sure it continues to work for us.  

Thank you for your story. As a newbie I read most of your posts.

Tazz,I admire you greatly. Truly. I could have written your addiction to carbs,sugar and gluten story,as I am also.

 

I am also having the same kind of symptoms with vitamin defencies as you were but that is due to another medical issue affecting my memory,never intentional but the outcome is sure the same.

 

You are an inspiration to us all.

Tazz, 

Congratulations on your successes, all of them!   You truly have A LOT to be proud of!  You are absolutely an inspiration and a great role model, and it helps the rest of us because you keep things "real" and don't sugarcoat the facts as you see them.  It's easy to get complacent when we are feeling good about ourselves; I think we have all been there and done that, so most of us can relate to your story.  

You look amazing, and my goodness you are so tiny!  Congratulations again, and thank you for sharing your story with us!  Your candor is very much appreciated!!!!! 

You are a true survivor and I have always appreciated your honesty regarding your struggles.  ALL of us unfortunately struggle on this journey of the FIGHT against obesity, be it pre or post surgery.

Thanks as always for your posts Laura!

~~Jennifer