Why can't I do it...second guessing surgery...

 I have completed the seminar and am meeting with the surgeon on Friday for my first appointment. I am collecting all my paperwork and just reviewed my history of BMIs since my insurance requires 5 years of 35+.  I have floated between a BMI of 31 to 36 since 2007 on various diets. It made me wonder if surgery is right for me or if it is just my needing more will power. After all, I will need will power for the choices I have to make post bypass anyway, right?  Granted, my weight has been this high off and on for 20 years...but is it just me? Surgery is so extreme; it makes me feel like I should be able to do it without. I have gone back and forth....80% sure this is the right thing, inspired by reading the forums here, and then fearful and almost feeling stupid that I can't lose it without major surgery. My husband is a contributor to this feeling, I know. He feels I just need to assert more control over my eating. Will I ever just know if this is right for me or is it always 80% sure/20% hope? 

Google this phrase, "98% of diets fail".  You can do this. :)

--gina

I was REALLY good at diets. LOUSY at keeping it off. And every time I tried dieting, more of the "fat" cell friends joined the group.

IF it was so easy to keep weight off, the diet industry would not be SO HUGE.

What WLS does is level the playing field for us...it's up to us to take advantage of that.

Liz

I had done one big weight loss back in the 80's.  I had joined WW and was actually their local WW of the year that year when I lost 60 lbs.  Then I had to stop running and started gaining all over again.  I lost 20lbs, gained 30lbs, over and over.  I knew WLS was right for me.  Extreme, yes, but I wanted my life back. 

Maintainance isn't easy now, but it is possible.  Before, it didn't even seem possible, no matter how hard it was.

Only you can decide but as previously said, the WL industry wouldn't be where it is if all this was easy or even doable for most folks.

I don't know if willpower is the right word but you do have to stick to a healthy way of eating, at least most of the time, to keep the weight off.  The difference now is that it isn't impossible for me to stick with it.  I am no longer hungry all the time and I am satisfied with a much smaller amount.  In the past I could never eat enough, I was hungry all the time and too much wasn't enough as far as food goes.  My favorite words were "All you can eat".
Good luck whatever you choose.

Studies show that people with 50 pounds or more to lose have a 1-5% chance of losing all that weight and then keeping 50% of it off for 2-5 years. (And some of those do eventually gain back more than 50% of what they lost -- it just takes them longer than 2-5 years.)

So ask yourself.... what about myself makes me think I can be one of the statistical outliers and not one of the overwhelming majority? Plus, would I be okay with losing 100 pounds and gaining back 40 of it -- which is what a lot of those in the 1-5% do.

Also, studies show that obese people have more ghrelin than normal-weighted people. Ghrelin makes you hungry. So we're hungrier than people who can control their weight. Obese people have a weaker signal in the part of the brain that signal satiety (the feeling of fullness) too. So we often eat but don't feel full. Obese people also react more strongly to the sight of food than normal-weighted people so that it's that much harder to control ourselves. And so forth and so on.

The reason that surgery works is that it repairs all these physical problems and makes them better. Dieting and exercise alone does not.

That is why those in the 1-5% report that they have to resort to draconian measures to keep their weight off. They weigh themselves every day, they keep a food journal, they exercise 5-10 hours a week and not going for a walk either but intense stuff that burns a lot of calories. They obsess over their food choices. Etc. Etc. If you read what their lives are like, they actually sound like they have an eating disorder and that all their energy is put into keeping their weight off.

Unfortunately, society frames weight as a matter of willpower, personal responsibility and moral character. This attitude is so deeply engrained in our society that no amount of research has managed to budge it. It's why people lose weight and gain it back many times before they finally cry uncle and "give up" and get surgery.

The thing is, if we went to the doctor and were told we had cancer and that chemotherapy had an 80% cure rate but natural measures only a 1-5% cure rate, how many of us would say "I'm going to be in the 1-5%! No 'unnatural' cure for me because I'm strong-willed and I will beat this cancer with the power of my mind and some herbs!" A few... but most wouldn't. Most of us would go for the chemo and never look back.

But most of us won't go to the WLS and never look back. And that's because society has brainwashed us into thinking we're fat because we're weak, not because we have a disease.

Aren't you tired of dieting and knowing you are going to gain your weight back?  Aren't you tired of joining WW's,  buying diet pills, or looking for the next new diet to come out and hoping it works this time?

Having my RNY has been the best decision I have ever made for MYSELF!!  I can't believe it's going to be 4 years for me in October.  Other than the first week after surgery I have never second guessed my decision.

(((HUGS)))

It is a personal decision, but I would guess that if you haven't been able to lose weight and keep it off in the past, you aren't going to be able to do it now.  After WLS you can not eat the volume of food that you could in the past.  Yes, you can eat around any weight loss surgery, but it is easier to get back on track when you mess up.  You need to be sure to use your weight loss phase to create new eating habits and an exercise program.   You can't depend entirely on your WLS to do all the work, but it is easier while you are losing the weight.

My DH used to tell me to just push away from the table and move more-haha-not easy to do.  He never had a weight problem so could not understand what it was like.  He is now one of my best supporters and sees how much more active I am and how much better I feel all the time.  There is no way I could have done this without WLS.

Take your time and read everything you can get.  Right after surgery, when I was just out of recovery I told DH I thought I had messed up - that's the only time I have ever had any thoughts of regret and it has been 3 years!!  Find a good support group whether in person or on-line and be determined to stick with it.  Support is such a hugh part of being successful.

Good luck.

Linda

I was on the fence for a while myself. My DH had his VSG last Dec. At first I was against it, but when I went with him to his seminar, not only did I change my mind about WLS in general, I decided I needed to do this too. I have battled my weight since having babies, just like all women in my family do. I can take off 20-25 pounds, and that is usually where it stops. Then, I fall back into old habits. Of course when the pounds come back, they bring friends. Statistics are stacked against us. Nobody but you can decide if this is the right decision for you or not. But if you move forward, the folks here on this board, and the surgery boards are an amazing support system.

 Take the plunge and have the surgery. You won't regret it. It is the best thing that ever happened to me. Your husband will be thrilled with the results when he sees how much more energy you have once you lose the weight. 

Right now, he is just afraid of all the what ifs? It's scary for our spouses to see us change. They wonder if we will still love them or if we will completely change who we are. If your marriage is strong before surgery, it will be fine. If it is weak anyway, it may suffer even more from surgery. The bottom line, however, is that you need to get healthy for YOU. If your husband really loves you, which I'm sure he does since he wants you to be healthier, then he will support you in this endeavor.

Best wishes on whatever you decide! Just make sure you take good care of yourself no matter what you choose!

Hugs, 

Liz