Two Years Today! X Post

  I know that two years is not a real long time but for me it seems like an eternity.  No, two years since I was sliced and diced (for the second time for this purpose) is not a big deal, not to me anyway.  What is a big deal is that it has been two years since I have changed the way I eat.  It has been two years since I have eaten large quantities of food, since I have binged on junk food, since I went out and bought bags of food to comfort myself.  It's been two years since I have baked goodies to treat myself, since I have bought food that I wanted to treat myself, since I drove through a drive through and bought enough food to feed a family of four, all for one (me), since I got take out because I was embarrassed to be seen eating all that food by myself, since I filled up my 64 oz super big gulp with regular Dr. Pepper for the second time that day, since I bought a large bag of M & Ms to snack on.  I know a lot of people get angry when it is suggested that all morbidly obese people are food addicts or carb addicts.  For a long time I had a hard time accepting that a person could get to 300, 400 lbs or more and not be an addict but now I realize that not all morbidly obese people are addicts and not all food addicts are morbidly obese.  In fact, at 240 lbs I was barely morbidly obese yet I consider myself a very hardcore food addict.  I don't even think my metabolism was that messed up.  I could always lose weight when I cut back my eating.  I was addicted to sugar, anything with wheat in it, especially white flour so I just avoid all gluten now, and I am also addicted to large quantities.  My favorite words in the world were "All you can eat".  I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for 17 years and in all those years he has always had one day off a week, usually Thursdays, and on that day off we have always gone out to eat.  I would look forward to that day and plan all week on where we would go and search for a new, exciting place to try.  I would try to find a place we hadn't been to yet, preferably a buffet.  It was the highpoint of my week.  If I was driving down the road and I saw the words "buffet" I would practically get in an accident to see what it was.
Anyway, my story is long and complex.  Most have read it.  The Readers Digest version is I had WLS in 2002 and failed it miserably.  It didn't fail, I did.  I thought WLS meant I could still eat whatever I wanted and I would lose weight and keep it off.  It never occurred to me that I would have to make changes.  That was all my fault.  I heard what I wanted to hear.  I had a DS.  In 2002 there wasn't as much known and I had no pre op education and no post op follow up.  That was just how it was where I had my surgery and I did the best I could with what I had at the time.  I stopped with any online or real life support right around, you guessed it, two years, and started regaining.  I stayed in denial thinking it was normal bounce back and it would stop any minute and did nothing to curb my over eating.  I was haphazard about supplementing and my health suffered.  My eating was terrible and my quality of life was horrible.  I had terrible gas, diarrhea, the odor was horrendous, I was sick and fatigued to the point of being non functional and regained almost all my weight.  I regretted having WLS and went back to my surgeon and begged for a reversal.  It turned out that a lot of people who had the DS with my surgeon and hospital had similar issues and were being revised to have less malabsorption so I agreed and because of the regain I agreed to get a RNY pouch.  I had been given a sleeve but it was way too large and I never had any restriction.
That is when I decided to get serious and use the surgery as a tool and stop eating sugar and gluten.
My stats are in my signature.
My pictures are above because for some reason I couldn't paste them below.
I also want to add for my lightweight friends that you have been my biggest help and supporters.  You keep me honest and accountable.  The Lightweight creed has always given me a safe place to vent and talk about what is going on honestly and openly without fear of being flamed or mocked.  Few people would think much of my "problem" of having lost too much weight but you guys understand what it's like to not like what the scale says and to hate the image that appears in the mirror no matter what it shows, too much or too little.  You can have too much of a good thing.
This coming year looms as the biggest challenge for me.  The third year is where things went to hell for me with my first WLS.  I stopped staying in touch with any kind of support.  I stopped weighing myself and I stopped tracking my food at all.  I just ate whatever I wanted and made no attempt to eat high protein, low carb.  I knew I was gaining because, of course, my clothes were getting tighter but my denial was strong and I kept telling myself it was normal bounce  back.  All the way up to about 190 when I realized I was out of control and then I tried to put the brakes on it but found it was harder then I thought it would be.  I attempted to eliminate refined carbs and managed to lose about 30 to 35 lbs in 6 months but I was fighting the urges the whole time and after about a year I couldn't fight any longer and I let go and in 7 months I regained 70 lbs.  I knew I was regaining rapidly but again stayed in denial because I never bought any new clothes.  I wore the same clothes, stretchy sweat pants and drawstring pants that went from very baggy to very tight.  I wore those same clothes going back down, too.
Anyway, I know the signs now so I keep in touch, keep weighing myself, stay accountable with my food, stay diligent with my supplements and get my labs regularly.  I had my revision to improve my health and it is 100% improved over 2 years ago.  Almost all if the issues I had 2 years ago are resolved.  Unfortunately I have found new ones but that is the fun of getting older.  None of my issues today seem to be related to my surgery or weight or anything like that except the slight possibility that they were caused by my attempts at exercising lol.  I am always being nagged by my doctors to exercise regularly and I know it is essential to my good health so I am always trying to find things I can do regularly that I enjoy.  I do enjoy riding my  bike but that is pretty dependent on the weather so I had was going to the gym and using the machines, nothing strenuous but apparently I managed to injure myself using the rowing machine, at least that is the consensus of my health care people since that is when I started getting headaches and neck pains about 4 months ago, so for now I have been told not to exercise, at least until I get the pain under control.  And I am not happy about it.  I miss riding my bike, especially with the good weather.

Happy surgiversary, Tazz!  ;)

--gina

Happy 2 year!!  I hope your third year is going to be even better.  Don't even think about ever leaving our little group here.

Hope they can find out what is causing your headaches and get them under control so you can get back on that bike.

Linda

Tazz, you are a great assett to this group because of all of your experiences.  We love you.  Glad to know you now and I am sure you will make it through these challenges like you have made it through the rest.

Happy surgiversary, Tazz...just stay around and you'll get thru year number 3....you can do it.

Liz

Happy surgiversary!

Happy Surgiversary!!!




gail

 You have had a challenging two years but I think you have won the battle this time. Congrats on you Surgiversary!

Congratulations Tazz!!  Happy surgiversary!

Happy surgiversary Friend.  Your contributions are so appreciated.