Hate yourself, hate the world

I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now.  How much longer will you be away from home.  Like Roz suggested, maybe you can call your psychologist.

Hope you can get it sorted out and feel better soon!!  It is harder the further out we get, but we do still have our tool to use.  Do you have protein powder available to you where you are?  Let us know if we can help you!!

Linda

 Thanks Linda,
I just picked up some more protein powder because I have one scoop left out of the container I brought with me on the trip. It feels like the morning routine of having a scoop with my greek yogurt or with my oatmeal is the one thing in the day that I do feel good about. It is the meal I can rely on anywhere I am because even in hotels you can usually have a coffee maker in your room to make oatmeal.

We head home on Saturday and drive 12 hours that one day to get home. Unfortunately I will be home for about 2.5 weeks and will be on the road again. I just keep thinking that if I can get through July perhaps I can make it through the rest of the summer.

 Sorry you are struggling.  I can relate to the self loathing.  That is one of the main reasons I had surgery.  It can send you into a depression.  Get that sunshine that you spoke about.  The vit D will be good for you.  

Have you ever mediated?  Can you try for 5 minutes today?  And then tomorrow?  You can do it in the bath tub, in bed, on a park bench, try spending 5 minutes clearing your head completely.  Try to make some kind of soft sound or say a word that allows you to remove all thoughts from your head.  it's hard to do but it might help.  Start small and don't expect pefection.  Or try to relax your body using a technique where you tighten each muscle group from your head to your feet.  Feel what hurts and what feels good at that moment.  It may help to bring your mind back into your body and  remind you of all the good things that it is doing for you today.  Use deep breath's to get oxygen to every cell in your bod.  

Did you say that you are in Nashville, TN?  I use to live there and I know that there are some good yoga centers.  Maybe too hard to do on vacation.  Even if you could find a holistic massage or a chiropracgtor, it might help to reset your thought patterns.

Can you call your therapist and get a 20 minute pep  talk?  

Thinking about you and sending calming, caring hugs.

K

 Thanks K, I can meditate, I have some sounds on my iPod that I use for that. A good idea.
I also could do the muscle tensing and relaxing because I have done that before too.

I don't know about the phone call but I could ask my psychologist if there might be a good time to call. We did purchase travel minutes for being in the US and we haven't used any yet.

 NanaLiz,  now you know when you come back from a mission trip most people get a little depressed and have trouble readjusting to American life.  You were in Nic for 3 months.  That's a long time.  Readjustment period is directly proprtional.  Then you went on holiday so you haven't even had time to readjust properly.  It happens to me and anyone I have ever been on a mission trip with.  (and ive been on lots) Check in with your son.  He's probably hating life too.  It's normal.  It will pass.  You are an amazing lady.  Your world will right itself soon enough.  Until, then we wil pray for you and swing small critters on your behalf!

Tonya

 Thanks so much for the reminder, I miss Nicaragua so much and feel sad because my husband does not ever want to go there and it feels as though because I love it he will hate it. He and I have been on a downward spiral for a long time but we won't separate because I've always told my children we never would as it is a matter of our faith. But our life together means nothing to me at this moment and I wonder how I can live like this.

 I don't know if you have seen my posts lately, but girl, I am with you in the marriage problems category.  I was abused by my first husband, was catholic and sought help from a nearby church.  I was told to just pray.  Divorce was a sin and that he would ultimately be punished for his behavior.  I left him and the church!  I'm a born again Christian now and belong to a nondenominational church.  My life exemplifies Him so much more today then it would have had I followed that priest's advice.  You have to look at your whole life in following your God, not just one part.  I wish you well.  Please PM me if you need to talk.  I'm here for you.