Hate yourself, hate the world

 I know I haven't posted on here for a long time but I am really struggling.

I am so stressed about how I look and how I want to continue to lose weight.
I am on "holiday" right now but it does not feel like a holiday because of the self-loathing I feel.
I hate food, I hate myself and I am hating people I should be loving.

I am really struggling right now and until I can get home to see the psychologist to talk it through I am just in a horrible state. I've been away from home for a month and just wish I was home right now.

While you're away from home try to find something positive that has happened today.  Celebrate that, no matter how small it is.  For me, I made my trainer at the gym laugh today.  Usually I'm so serious that we just get around to business, but it was great to see that ear to ear smile.  So I made someone happy, even for a moment.

I posted this quote from a psycologist  last week, but I think it is so appropriate for you that I'll post it again here:

If beating yourself up was a good way to change behavior, you'd be perfect by now. It's a very ineffective way to change behavior - Dr Russ Harris

I know that you're focused on losing weight - it is very tough now that you're further out, so keep your expectations realisti, and make some mini-goals for your self.  Currently one of my minigoals is to cut back my exercise so I can build some muscle (sounds easy, but it's not) . You may not want to work hard on losing weight until you can get the rest of you in a better place.
 
Take care, and pm me if you want to talk further.

 I think the lack of exercise has been a big part of my bad state of mind.
I have a real issue with feeling safe when I run/walk and being in strange places does not help.

I'll try to look for the sunshine. It is here in Nashville, just haven't let the warmth sink in.

Sorry you are going through this....(((HUGS)))!

Are you just exhausted from being away from home?  Vacations are fun but they can be really stressful and it usually feels so good to be home after one.  How much longer until you get home to see your psychologist?  Can you call him/her?

It's hard for me to be out of routine.  If you get the chance to post more often maybe we can reassure you that everythings going to be ok.

 I was in Nicaragua for three months, February to April and wasn't even home a month and was on the road for this holiday.
I wanted to see my grandchildren but having to drive out to Alberta and then the trip to Nashville has taken a lot out of me. I just didn't get into a routine again.

I can't see a routine until September really because we are preparing to sell our home and though there is no stress with finding another home because we already own it there will still be the stress of getting things in order after being away for so long and my husband not completing his tasks that he was suppose to do while my son and I were gone for those three months.

With the added stress of having to eat out so much and just the thought of making another decision on food makes me super stressed. At least for this week at the timeshare I have made an effort to say I want to eat in as much as possible.

I've been in contact through messages with my psychologist and I have an appointment shortly after I return. She knows the whole food choice thing was an issue with me before I left so hopefully we can work on that when I am home.

Thanks for the hug

i understand the eating out part.  Can you go to the store and get foods you can have easily?  then if everyone else wants to eat out they can.  when we were in a timeshare, we ate breakfast and lunch there and many suppers.  We planned the meals out and I looked for places I could get something WLS friendly.  Sometimes it didn't work but mostly it was ok.  I took cheese and protein bars to eat when we were traveling and the guys got burgers.  It all still stressed me out and I was only gone 10 days.  I do much better camping when I can take care of myself and not have to worry about anyone else.

Is there an exercise room at the timeshare?  there was at the one we were at in Orlando.  I went several times, plus used the pool for exercises. 

I'm sorry you are having a hard time....hugs to you...hang in there

 Thanks for the support Mandy

I get into really bad mindsets when I am out of routine.  Even a week can set me in a tailspin so I can imagine what a month would do.  Hope you can get back home soon, back in the routine and back with support. 

 I don't see routine happening again until September and I think that is part of my stress. I just want to stop having decisions to make and eating out does not help.