Consider who you are talking to...

I recently was watching a show on TV that had a counselor on the show who was addressing self image issues. They had a couple of women write down the things that they tell themselves about how they look. Many of us might be able to relate to litany of comments they made about 'thunder thighs', 'muffin tops', 'bat wings', 'turkey necks', etc... After writing them down, the ladies where then asked to tell the other person that they had 'thunder thighs', 'muffin tops', 'bat wings', 'turkey necks', etc... Each of the ladies were intensely uncomfortable about doing so and when asked why they were so uncomfortable, they said because they wouldn't want to say such mean things to stranger, much less a friend. Then, the counselor asked them why it was okay to be so mean to themselves, when they wouldn't consider being so mean to a friend or stranger? Both women agreed that they might reconsider before making such disparaging remarks to themselves about themselves. 

Next, they asked them to look at themselves as though they were looking at a friend or stranger and then describe themselves from that perspective. They both provided much more gentle, compassionate, and complimentary assessments of themselves.

I think it's important that we consider that what we say to ourselves about ourselves. What we tell ourselves helps to shape how we see ourselves in literal and figurative terms. How we see ourselves also often makes a difference in how treat ourselves and take care of ourselves. 

So consider who you are talking to... and be sure to be gentle, kind and compassionate with yourself.

Good point. I think as moms we have to be careful not to say disparaging things to our kids and hubbies that we wouldn't say to a friends or strangers as well. That's an easy trap for me to slip into. 

--gina
 

Gina,

I absolutely agree that it's important that we not say disparaging things to our kids or husbands as well... You are right, it is an easy trap to fall into.

I'm not sure if this was your intent... of course, we don't want to say disparaging things to them about them, but I think it's important not to say disparaging things about ourselves to them... for different, but both important reasons.  Sometimes I hear my BEAUTIFUL 17 year old daughter repeating some of the same disparaging remarks I make about myself, about herself... I cringe when that happens because I know that it's a case of the fruit falling from the proverbial tree. (I know that I'm prejudiced about her 'beauty', but just ask Ang for an 'unbiased' perspective ;-)... Seriously though, I've had to learn to watch what I say about myself because it's clear that i****erfalls to her.

Barbara and Gina
These are both good comments and reminders.  I have heard them before, but somehow it seems to fade in memory.

With ourselve, we can continue to work on it, but with kids, there may not be any second chances.

Hi Eliza, 

I thought the same thing when I saw the episode on TV... I know that I've heard it before, but it really resounded with me. 

... and with our kids, I think it's important to keep trying. I hope that there are second chances. I know I don't do it right all the time. Again, I do the best I can and keep trying. I think it's the best I can do. I hope that it will be enough. 

Very insightful and very true....

Thanks Dasie,

I thought so too when I heard it, which is why I thought I'd share it. Sometimes, even when we 'know' it, it seems to help when we hear someone else say it... or at least it happens that way for me. 

Wishing you continued success,

So true Barbara.  I'm trying to do better with myself and with my DH. 

I have a hard time accepting compliments.  I try to brush them off - wonder why I can't just say "Thanks".
Linda

Linda,

It's not that uncommon for it to take a while, sometimes a long while for us to learn to 'accept' the compliments. I think for me it has had a lot to do with not being able to see in myself what others were seeing in me. I also wasn't sure that what I was seeing was going to 'last', since it never had before, so I didn't think I was 'worthy' of their compliments as I waited for the other 'shoe' to drop and the weight to come back. It took years for me to really recognize this as the new me; as I've been able to recognize this new me as the 'real' me, I've been more able to accept the compliments.

Wishing you continued success,