Tired of everything

It's not the logging and weighing that is dragging you down IMO, it's the "worrying about eating the wrong thing" and also beating yourself up for not eating perfectly or exercising when you are sick that causes the stress. YOU ARE SICK. So get better and then worry about your weight. You can't gain so much in the 7-14 days you have a cold to completely mess up your weight and you need those calories to heal.

Let's put it this way, my grandmother was borderline anorexic (I guess the technical term is sub-clinical) and when she'd get sick with the flu, she often ended up in the hospital because she had no fat reserves at all. We need to eat when we're sick in order to get better.

I believe we've been conditioned as women to be on an endless search for perfection. (Now, maybe men are also conditioned to do this, but I sure see it less often from them and I'm not a guy so I can't really speak to their experience.)

We are also conditioned to think of this as a good thing. We "have high standards" and we "work to improve ourselves" but the problem is that we don't really have "high" standards. We have impossible ones! And we aren't trying to improve so much as beating oursevles up because we aren't perfect.

When I broke my head, I was hungry all the time and eating 500-1000 calories a day OVER what I was burning. I gained 5 pounds in 3 weeks! Now obviously I was a bit panicked about it. So I did what I could to stop gaining. But until my head got a lot better, weight loss wasn't going to happen. In fact, when my surgeon told me he wanted me below 125 by the end of Jan. (about 6 weeks time), I flat out told him No. I wasn't going to put that kind of pressure on myself and go on some crash diet when I need to be concentrating on getting better.

 Hey Mac
 Thanks for the feedback..yeah I know we all have to learn our lessons about taking care of ourselves...yes the beating up is exhausting...and it has nothing to do with the reality of what
we look like or weigh....I am resting and not beating myself up anymore...chicken soup ...
and movies...no gym...hydrating...
I LOVE that you say no to Dr C these days....he can be very demanding...I think it's a good thing but at some point you have to push back...I will be seeing him for my two year in a month or so...
Learning maintenance is a lifelong pursuit I think.
Thanks for your posts you are always an inspiration.
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You should have seen the look on his face when I said "No" too. LOL

I needed him to be demanding when I was in the losing phase. I never would have become a triathlete if he hadn't pushed me to exercise more and to lose 50% of my EW by 3 months out. But trying to lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks would have driven me to unhealthy behaviors and there was no need to do that.

 Hahahahaha
 Yeah ...he's the best doctor EVER...
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