Stress at an all time high

I'm dealing with several issues all at once.  I really want RNY surgery but DH is waffling.   One day he says he is ok with it, others not so much.  He hasn't slept the whole night since I told him I want the surgery.  He is going to a seminar at the surgeons office tonight so hopefully that will help.  I realize that WLS is for me not him but I don't live in a vacuum.  Everything I do affects him and vice versa.  I really want him on board. 

Then I have the whole thing about when to have surgery.  I just came off 2 weeks medical leave in September for surgery on my legs.  I have this trip to Nicaragua in the beginning of February. I can't really cancel the trip since so many people are depending on me.  So I thought I would have the surgery in March.  But,  my daughter is having a baby in June and wants me to be there.  I don't know how much time I can get off work.  I run a nuclear cardiology lab and spring is a busy time for us. ( All those out of shape people getting chest pain when they decide to exercise before summer.)   The best time to take off is December and January.  I think I might have to cancel the Nicaragua trip. But I don't want to...

The other problem is if I wait until March, I might lose too much weight to qualify for the surgery.  That would be okay if I knew it would stay off.  But history has shown it won't.  So I would just have to start all over again at some point in the future.

Thanks, I needed to vent.  Could someone please swing a few lizards for DH and me while we try to work out this puzzle?  At some point, I'm just going to have to say " I come first".  I think I'm struggling with that the most. 

I was definately in your shoes a few months back.  I'm 28 days post op now and feeling great.  At first I went to the Kaiser Options Meetings (mandatory) to look into having the lap-band that so many were having and it was advertised so much on TV.  He was okay with the idea of the lap-band.  But after I got educated and for medical reason the ONLY option for me (per my doctor) was the RNY.  I stated statistics to my DH that I learned in class etc.  He wasn't on board at first but I kept going to the meetings and praying that he would be supportive and he was. He didn't say much to encourage me but he would ask questions about what he would need to do for me etc.  I think after your husband goes to the seminar you have a better chance of him supporting you having the surgery.  My husband is overweight and feels my pain and suffering from trying to loose weight and keep it off.  Hopefully, your DH has an understanding of how much you have struggled with your weight loss and you want and need this surgery to live a full and healthly life.  I think the seminar's a great idea for DH. 
My husband would not attend.  So you see he's already jumped on board .

Tonya,
My DH was against any kind of WLS at first.  He kept saying all you have to do is push away from the table and move more- well DUH!!!

I knew someone who had lapband(which was what I was going for) and she talked with him and he felt better about it.  When I went for the surgeon's consultation, he recommended RNY for me due to the diabetes.  Then I found out the surgeon that lives in my parents town was approved for my insurance and decided to go to him because I knew someone that used him and talked about how great he was.  I took DH with me to the seminar for that surgeon and he talked with several people there that had already had surgery and was feeling a little better about it.

I took him with me to the consultation with the surgeon and told him to asked all of his questions and my surgeon sat and talked with us like he was not seeing anyone else that day.  Made DH feel so much better.  He was still nervous but could deal with it.

I had no problems after my surgery and was back at work after 2 weeks.  I could have gone back sooner but had to stay close to my surgeon for 2 weeks.  We live 200 miles away from him.  But you never know some people do have problem and recovery could be a little longer.

You are eventually going to have to put yourself first!!  I had two granddaughters that were 6 months old when I had my surgery and it was so hard not to pick them up for a while, but I know I am a much better grandmother now since I can do so many more things for them and with them!!  It has been worth it for me.

Good luck and keep us updated.

Linda

I think that you just have to keep educating him and pray he will get on board.  I was lucky because my DH was with me from the beginning.  After 38 yrs together, he also knows once my mind is made up it is get on board or get out of the way.

I would not plan on your trip unless you can have at least 6 week between surgery and the trip.  The whole food and fluid thing is difficult in the beginning and you don't want to end up in trouble in a foreign land.  Does your insurance require 6 months supervised diet?  If so, that may set your time for you.  Most insurance or Drs have a ton of hoops you have to jump through so I would be surprised if Dec and maybe even Jan were even an option.  You may know more after tonight.

I'm swinging that you get the information you need tonight at the meeting and together can make a plan for getting healthier.

I have a high stress worklife, and some of my family was not pro-WLS.  My DH did not support it, but he did not make a big issue of it (he was just out of town when I had surgery).  But my grown children were very supportive.  My DH is still holding back judgement, particularly since it's taken over a week to get back to eating where I was after my trip to Belgium.  My trip is also the reason I recommended that you don't have surgery close to your trip outside the country.  I'm traveling to New Zealand in January, and I'm so happy I'll have another couple of months to get some more reserves in place before I go.

Take care, and good luck
 

 

After you get to know me a little you will realize that I'm super close to my family so it was hard when my DH and my oldest DD was against me having surgery.  DH did go with me for my orientation but I don't think it helped any.  I told them that even though I cared how they felt it was my decision.  Right before surgery I told them all that if something happened to remember that it was MY decision to have this done NOT theirs.

As my date got closer DH confessed that he was worried that something would happen to me and it took almost 2 years after my surgery for him to quit worrying about me even though I didn't have any complications.  He still asks me occassionaly if I'm taking my vitamins and never complains if I forget my protein and  cup and we have to drive home to get it.   I just make sure I share all of my bloodwork reports with him and tell him about all my Dr. visits.

My DD asked the Surgeon a million questions the day of surgery and told him he was too young and probably didn't have enough experience to be operating on her Mom...it was quite comical.  He was close to her age (low 30's). The surgeon even asked me if she was married afterwards so I guess her questions didn't bother him to much....LOL.