Update (long)

Thank you, everyone, for the wonderful support. I have never been a drama queen and used to say I had a drama free life. My house was a drama free zone. I worked hard to keep it that way. It seems like since my surgery that drama has found it's way into my life and my home. I don't like that at all!! I think it's time to purge this place and my life again and start demanding that the people in my life(if they want to stay in my life) be calm and offer positivity into my world. I have a sign up in my living room that reads, "Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.".    I think that I was simply too sick for too long and let my hubby get away with behavior that I would not normally let him get away with, and it escalated. I am usually pretty good at holding him accountable, and not accepting the crap he tries to sell. It saddens me greatly that because I have been too sick to hold him accountable that he became so ugly, mean, and abusive towards me. I shouldn't have to stand guard to make him behave in appropriate ways towards me.

He is home.(He's back at work right now) He showed up for work last night and came home a couple of hours early. He had been texting me all night. I didn't answer and finally turned off my phone. When he got home he went through the whole I'm so sorry thing and talked about how crappy he felt, blah, blah, blah. When I told him that I didn't want to hear it because I didn't care how bad HE felt he changed his tune to the I'll get counseling song     .*****I should probably add here that I was in a very abusive marriage when I was 19. We were married for 5 years and the "price" I paid for leaving that marriage was a concussion and 3 broken ribs. I will NEVER allow that to happen again.******    The point is that I know this song and dance well. If he wants to get counseling,great. It will help his relationships,whether he's married to me or not. But that will be his responsibility not another one of mine.

The end game is that I informed him of my boundaries(The same ones I've always had), I let him know that I will no longer accept his negative bullsh** , and I gave him clear consequences of what will happen if he pulls that crap again. I will never be too sick to dial 911.

I am done. I am over this negativity being in my life. I will not allow it again. Now long term, I know that the damage that has been done to my marriage is irreversible. I will not ever live in fear from a man's temper and moods again. As soon as I am able He will get his walking papers. I truly believe that "From the over abundance of the heart the mouth flows." I believe that I have seen what is truly in his heart. I will not be married to another abusive man.              

Thank you all again. You were my support last night and reinforced that his behavior was not normal or acceptable. You also pulled me out of the hole I'd fallen into where it had become almost a normal part of life again. Thank you

Good Luck, hope you find peace and pray you do the right thing

I am glad you are thinking this through and I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship earlier in your life.   Weight loss surgery can bring out a lot of issues and insecurities......and some marriages do not make it.  You will figure out the best decision for you.  I do believe that this surgery can help us with good self care and NOT allowing us to remain in unhealthy relationships with food and others.  There is no right or wrong answer though in dealing with what you are dealing with and I pray you BOTH can figure out what is best and healthy for each of you.
Sending both emotional and physically healing thoughts to you! 
And thank you for your service years ago!


~~Jennifer

Good luck in working this out. Marriage is hard work.

Good luck and I hope things get better for you...No one deserves to be treated poorly.   I hope you find the piece and calm you deserve.  

Good luck.  I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this in your life.  You deserve to be happy, healthy and treated with respect.

I have a sign on my front door and also hanging in my office that simply says  "Peace Please" so I could relate to your living room sign.

(((HUGS)))

Glad you checked in and are doing well tody!!!
Hugs!!!
Meg

You seem to have a very good sense of who you are and what you will or will not accept into your life. Do not be afraid of being strong and taking care of yourself. I am not a religious person but I wholeheartedly believe God takes care of us. I speak from experience ; 18 years ago I left a 10 yr marriage after my husband became mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. I had 4 young (7,5,4 and an 18 mo old) no high school diploma and nowhere to live. Strength and determination in my belief in myself (and that living well is the best revenge!!) I left with my children. I have had every need fulfilled and even some 'wants'. Be strong. If you need an ear- let me know... I have faith in you

Oh, I love your guts, woman!

If you do do counseling, have him do the research and set up the appointment. I would suggest checking out a couple of different people in order to find someone who you feel comfortable with.

Keep swinging!