My husband just left and I don't know if he's coming back
My husband has never been violent towards me before. He is 6'8" and almost 300 pounds so he would do some serious damage if he ever decided to do. Since my WLS he has turned into someone I don't recognize. He has been mean and ugly. He cusses me, yells at me over nothing and acts like he doesn't even like me(much less love me). Today he crossed the line. He was angry with me because he didn't want to go to work. What that had to do with him being mad at me, I still haven't figured out yet.He was yelling and cussing me(which unfortunately has become a normal occurrence lately), but then he started throwing things around the bedroom in his "rage". Then he slammed out the door to go out to the living room to put his shoes on. I was in the bedroom shaking. One, I was scared. Two, I was mad! I caught up with him and told him(actually yelled at him) that I treat him like a King and if he can't treat me better and can't control his temper, then he needs to find another place to live. He told me that maybe he should.
I can't do this anymore. He could have really hurt me today, but I don't know how we will survive without his income. I am a disabled veteran. I have some disability pay, but not enough to live on. I will get a large living stipend once I start school in January. Maybe I should have just taken it until I could support myself and my son by myself.
I am so sad that this is happening and I don't know what to do. If I knew what he wanted from me, I would do it. I miss my husband. I miss my supporter and best friend. I don't know how I ended up with this stranger.
I can't do this anymore. He could have really hurt me today, but I don't know how we will survive without his income. I am a disabled veteran. I have some disability pay, but not enough to live on. I will get a large living stipend once I start school in January. Maybe I should have just taken it until I could support myself and my son by myself.
I am so sad that this is happening and I don't know what to do. If I knew what he wanted from me, I would do it. I miss my husband. I miss my supporter and best friend. I don't know how I ended up with this stranger.
"It's not what is taken from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left."-Hubert Humphrey
(((hugs)))
I don't know your situation, but you must take care of yourself and be safe. I am not sure if you have children or not but please protect yourselves. Your husband needs to talk with someone about his anger and what is causing it.
Please post on here and let us know how you are doing. We all care.
(((hugs)))
I don't know your situation, but you must take care of yourself and be safe. I am not sure if you have children or not but please protect yourselves. Your husband needs to talk with someone about his anger and what is causing it.
Please post on here and let us know how you are doing. We all care.
(((hugs)))
On September 13, 2011 at 5:17 PM Pacific Time, Lynn5707 wrote:
(((hugs)))I don't know your situation, but you must take care of yourself and be safe. I am not sure if you have children or not but please protect yourselves. Your husband needs to talk with someone about his anger and what is causing it.
Please post on here and let us know how you are doing. We all care.
(((hugs)))
i was already regretting the surgery because of all the complications I've had, but If I had known it would end my marriage, I would not have chosen to have it done. On the bright side, It will be the quickest 300 pounds I'll ever lose!
"It's not what is taken from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left."-Hubert Humphrey
First and foremost, you need to think about yourself and your son. Your safety and mental health are more important than having the financial support you think that you need from your husband. It seems that your husband has the issues and needs to get help. Remember, it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. You can't do this on your own. Maybe he is acting this way to push you away because he cannot deal with the changes that you are going thru. Maybe he has some kind of insecurities. If he doesn't come back, he doesn't come back. He will be the loser in all this. You will find strength that you never knew you had and will find a way to make it, both financially and emotionally. Best of luck to you
Highest Weight - 220/ Date of Surgery - 194/ Goal Weight - 125 CW 122 2nd Goal - 115
If he is so stressed that he is acting this way, it is better that he is somewhere else.
Everyone handles illnesses in different ways. What he is doing isn't appropriate, but maybe it is all he knows. He can learn other ways of dealing with this if he is willing. Maybe this episode will encourage him to get help.
Keep you and your son safe. Stay in touch with us.
Everyone handles illnesses in different ways. What he is doing isn't appropriate, but maybe it is all he knows. He can learn other ways of dealing with this if he is willing. Maybe this episode will encourage him to get help.
Keep you and your son safe. Stay in touch with us.
66 yrs young, 4'11" hw 220, goal 120 met at 12 months, cw 129 learning Maintainance
Between 35-40 BMI? join us on the Lightweight board. the Lightweight Board
I find in my practice that often men are more willing to go to marriage counseling, so you might want to try that with him. It sounds as though he might have some depression going on for him- men often express it through anger. WLS often changes the dynamics in a marriage- he could be threatened.
Please keep yourself and your son safe! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things will work out. Get all the family and friend support that you can. And keep posting here for support. We are here for you!
Please keep yourself and your son safe! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things will work out. Get all the family and friend support that you can. And keep posting here for support. We are here for you!
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
Be sure to change the locks. That way he can only come back when you decide it's okay, not when he's burned off his anger and he decides it's "all better now."
HW - 225 SW - 191 GW - 132 CW - 122
Visit my blog at Fatty Fights Back Become a Fan on Facebook!
Starting BMI 40-ish or less? Join the LightWeights
That's a good idea - IF he is not the primary on the lease or mortgage. If he is, you may need to get a temporary restraining order from the police before you do this.
Additionally, perhaps take him up on his suggestion that YOU get counseling - because that way YOU will get support and assistance from someone local, and also may be able to work him into it on the basis that his input will help your therapist help you... of course, that help may be by figuring out what pulled his trigger, but the framing may help and may also give you more immediate assistance.
In the mean time, big hugs!
Additionally, perhaps take him up on his suggestion that YOU get counseling - because that way YOU will get support and assistance from someone local, and also may be able to work him into it on the basis that his input will help your therapist help you... of course, that help may be by figuring out what pulled his trigger, but the framing may help and may also give you more immediate assistance.
In the mean time, big hugs!
Rebecca
Circumferential LBL, anchor TT, BL/BR, brachioplasty 12-16-10 Drs. Howard and Gutowski
Thigh lift 3-24-11, Drs. Howard and Gutowski again!
Height 5' 5". Start point 254. DH's goal: 154. My guess: 144. Insurance goal: 134. Currently bouncing around 130-135.
Circumferential LBL, anchor TT, BL/BR, brachioplasty 12-16-10 Drs. Howard and Gutowski
Thigh lift 3-24-11, Drs. Howard and Gutowski again!
Height 5' 5". Start point 254. DH's goal: 154. My guess: 144. Insurance goal: 134. Currently bouncing around 130-135. 
I'm so sorry. I hope he was able to get himself under control. I'm sure there's more than your surgery issues going on for him but he probably just doesn't realize it and you are convenient and his excuse. He will not want to appear weak by seeking counseling on base. I wish I knew what to advise.
((hugs))
--gina
((hugs))
--gina
5'1" -- HW 195/SW 187/GW 115 July 08/CW 121 Dec 2012
******GOAL*******
Starting BMI between 35 and 40ish?
Join us on the Lightweights Board!
DS on Aug 9, 2007 with Dr. Hazem Elariny
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